Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)
Dave Chappelle: Ahchoo
Photos
Quotes
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Robin Hood : As my first order of business, I would like to appoint a new Sheriff... my friend Ahchoo.
Crowd : A black sheriff?
Blinkin : He's black?
Ahchoo : And why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.
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Maid Marian : I've come to warn you, Prince John and Rottingham have hired men to kill you at the fair tomorrow. You musn't go.
Robin Hood : Well, that's easy. I won't.
Maid Marian : Oh, I'm so happy! They were going to try to lure you there by having an archery contest.
Robin Hood : An archery contest?
Maid Marian : Their archer is unbeatable.
Robin Hood : Really?
Maid Marian : Robin, promise you won't go.
Robin Hood : All right, I promise you won't go.
Maid Marian : Thank you.
[stops for a second, confused]
Ahchoo : But wait a minute, Robin, didn't you just...
Robin Hood : Cool it...
Ahchoo : Chilled.
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[Robin tries to jump on his horse and falls]
Ahchoo : Man, white men can't jump.
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Ahchoo : [after Blinkin catches an arrow] Blinkin! How did you do that?
Blinkin : I heard that coming a mile away.
Robin Hood : Right-o, Blinkin, very good.
Blinkin : Pardon? Who's talking?
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Ahchoo : [standing by a creek as Robin is about to fight Little John to cross the bridge] Look, Robin, you don't have to do this. I mean, this ain't exactly the Mississippi. I'm on one side, I'm on the other side. I'm on the east bank, I'm on the west bank. It's not that critical.
Robin Hood : Not the point. It's the principle of the thing.
Ahchoo : Nice knowing you.
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King Richard : [taking Prince John's crown] You are no longer worthy to wear this sacred symbol of authority.
Prince John : Oh, please have mercy on me, brother. It wasn't my fault. I got some really bad advice from Rottingham.
Blinkin , Ahchoo , Scarlet , Little John , Crowd : [coughs] Bullshit! Bullshit!
King Richard : Brother, you have surrounded your given name with a foul stench!
[to the crowd]
King Richard : From this day forth, all the toilets in the kingdom shall be known as... Johns!
[the crowd cheering]
Prince John : [yelling] NO!
King Richard : Take him away!
[the Merry Men began to grabbing Prince John]
Prince John : No, wait, wait!
King Richard : Put him in the Tower of London! Make him part of the tour.
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[Ahchoo has released Robin from a noose]
Robin Hood : Nice shooting, Ahchoo.
Ahchoo : To tell you the truth, I was aiming for the Hangman.
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Rabbi Tuckman : I am Rabbi Tuckman, purveyor of sacramental wine and moyel extraordinaire.
Merry Men : 'ello Rabbi!
Rabbi Tuckman : Hello boys!
Robin Hood : A moyel. I don't believe I've ever heard of that profession.
Rabbi Tuckman : A moyel is a very important guy. He makes circumcisions.
Scarlet : What, pray tell, sir, is a circumcision?
Rabbi Tuckman : It's the latest craze. The ladies love it!
Little John : I'll take one!
Ahchoo : Hey, put me down for two!
Robin Hood : I'm game. How's it done?
Rabbi Tuckman : It's a snap.
[demonstrates with a carrot and a miniature guillotine]
Rabbi Tuckman : I take my machine here, I take your little thing, I put it through this hole, and then...
[releases the blade, cutting the end off the carrot]
Rabbi Tuckman : I nip the tip! Who's first?
[groans from the Merry Men]
Little John : I changed me mind!
Ahchoo : I forgot, I already got one.
Blinkin : [puts his hand in the air] Question...
[Ahchoo pulls his arm down silencing him]
Rabbi Tuckman : I gotta start working with a younger crowd.
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Sheriff of Rottingham : I was angry at you before Loxley, but now I'm really pissed off!
Ahchoo : Pissed off? If I was that close to a horse's wiener I'd be worrying about being pissed on!
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Robin Hood : [fighting the Sheriff of Rottingham's men] Watch my back!
Ahchoo : [literally leaning over and watching his back] Your back just got punched twice.
Robin Hood : Thank you!
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Ahchoo : What part of Georgia you from? South Central?
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[Sheriff of Rottingham carries a screaming Maid Marian to a tower of his castle]
Ahchoo : [to Robin] The Sheriff! He's got your woman, man! He's gonna deflower her in the tower! Ugh!
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Ahchoo : Let's get out of this ladies clothing and get into our tights!
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Ahchoo : Hey man, tough room... why don't you let me give it a try.
Ahchoo : [Puts on a pair of glasses]
Ahchoo : People of Sherwood look at yourselves! Go ahead, take a look around. Oh people of Sherwood you been had. Hoodwinked! Bamboozled! Run amuck! We didn't land on Sherwood forest, Sherwood forest landed on us!
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[Ahchoo is getting beaten up by a group of soldiers and as Robin who is riding his horse searches for Ahchoo, he suddenly saw Ahchoo getting beaten up by a group of soldiers]
Robin Hood : Ahchoo?
[the soldiers briefly stop beating Ahchoo and face Robin Hood]
Soldiers : Bless you!
[the soldiers continues to beat up Ahchoo]
Ahchoo : Man, I hope someone is getting a video of this!
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Robin Hood : This is Ahchoo.
Little John : Bless you!
Ahchoo : [laughs] No, that's my name, man. Ahchoo.
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Ahchoo : I should have never worn these shoes. They just don't match my purse.
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Robin Hood : By the by, do you know praying mantis?
Ahchoo : You're looking at him.