Change Your Image
critic-14
Reviews
Fall (2022)
Tense from Start to Finish
Well conceived, well acted. Well written and well directed. The last movies I saw with this much tension were The Descent and Wolf Creek both of which I had to pause numerous times to be able to watch. The only actor I had ever seen before was. Jeffrey Dean Morgan who played Negan on the Walking Dead. Here he played a caring father. Go figure. My only question is, if the tower is 2000 plus feet up, who the hell do they get too change the light bulb every six months? I certainly wouldn't volunteer for the job. I totally recommend this for edge of your seat entertainment and I just wonder what it would have been like in 3D?
The Rifleman: Which Way'd They Go? (1963)
Unwatchable
Combine overacting with a poorly-written script along with slapstick comedy that is over the top and you have this episode, the second to the last of the classic Rifleman series. This is actually worse than the last three episodes of Seinfeld. Apparently, the producers, who eventually produced the Big Valley, wanted to compete with the Beverly Hillbillies but with five unlikeable characters, who in an earlier episode had kidnapped Lou in order to traffick her and get her to marry the idiot (well, the stupidest) son. This episode, which barely features Chuck Connors, is a disgrace to the series five-year run. It would have been best if it had been left on the cutting room floor, doused with kerosene and burned.
Into the Woods (2014)
Someone Help Me Forget This
This is one of the most insipid musicals and movies just demonstrating the decline and fall of Walt Disney Studios. Set in medieval times, the group gatherings had to, of course, include copious black actors and actresses playing nobility and other of the populous. What, I say, no Asians? To quote Getta Thumberg, "How dare you! You have stolen my childhood" fairy tales and made mockery of them! Meanwhile, Stephen Sondheim apparently was challenged as to how many lyrics he could write in ten minutes. The poor Brothers Grimm are, no doubt, turning in their graves, thankful though, that they, unlike me need not struggle in a lifelong attempt to scrub ever bit of this montage of garbage from my brain.
Lady in the Water (2006)
How Bad Can a Movie Get?
The story is ridiculous, the screenplay is horrible. The direction seems as though it was written by a failing high school student. It is just a grueling chore to watch. The Sixth Sense was groundbreaking and amazing but M. Night Shyamalan is s one-hit wonder. He's also in the film as one of the major characters because he also thinks he's an actor. He isn't much of one. I've sat through other films of his. I walked out of the theatre when I went to see signs. Margaret Mitchell only wrote Gone with the Wind. Harper Lee only wrote To Kill a Mockingbird. Some people just have one story in them to tell. M. Night Shyamalan, sad to say, falls in that group.
Law Abiding Citizen (2009)
Nothing but Violence
If the producers wanted to film a movie based on exploitative violence they couldn't have done a better job. Not a whole lot of it makes any sense, but as with John Wick, it was Oops, you just messed with the wrong guy. The ending was horrible. But this is what happens in hypocritical Hollywood that says it hates guns and violence yet puts it out there like raindrops in a typhoon. Are we supposed to believe that Gerard Butler's character is super rich with a dozen properties and that he was able to dig tunnels into every solitary confinement jail cell; more than that, without having anyone notice? I would think that it would be a bit loud to dig through slabs of concrete. There was no resolution at the end; no explanation as to why he would have become as bad or worse than those who harmed him. The film should have been entitled, "A Beginning and Middle in Eearch of an End.
Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
Great Potential Ruined by an Insipid, Formula Screenplay
The movie started out great, but started to go downhill with the introduction of Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum and the villain, who was basically Tim Cook incarnate. The idea of a world contaminated with dinosaurs had great potential, but would up getting ruined by giant locusts. We all knew where it was going; extremely predictable. Chris Pratt, Brice Dallas Howard and Isabel Sermon were excellent, but it appeared that Sam Neill, Laura Dern and Jeff Goldblum were there just for comic relief. But this is what happens when you hire three mediocre writers for a $185 million film. Shame on Amblin!
The Beguiled (2017)
Poorly Written, Directed and Photographed
To start, the movie looks as though it were shot in a cave. No one living in that time period with limited supplies would needlessly burn candles at every opportunity, but would rather adjust their schedule to hours of light, especially in the summer. The characters are droll, uninteresting and interchangeable. The entire story drags on, and in view of the dark and morose atmosphere, one wonders if they are all dead from the start as in The Others, especially since Nicole Kidman's portrayal is more or less identical to her character in that film. One more thing. There are no species of mushrooms in the South that can cause instant death. Those only exist in Europe and the Pacific Northwest.
How It Ends (2018)
Waste of Time
This is a nonsensical movie that, for the most part, plays like the Walking Dead without the zombies. All it consists of is Theo James trying to get to know Forest Whitaker on a road trip. It seems that when you take out the power grid and cell phones, suddenly everyone wants to kill everyone else. What's worse is that the movie has no resolution at the end. I suppose the writer wanted to sell a sequel, but sequels are difficult for B movies. One feels cheated in the end. Nothing is ever explained. How It Ends? Poorly at best.
The House (2022)
Incredible Stop-Animation, but...
The stop animation is the best I have ever seen, but all three stories are dark and depressing, with either morbid or bizarre ends. This is one of the main problems with most screenwriting today. All too many end like a Brian De Palma film. This was the stark difference between DePalma and Hitchcock, DePalma fancying himself to be carrying on the Hitchcock genre, but where Hitchcock knew his plot from beginning to end, DePalma only hand a beginning and a middle. So it is with the three stories in the House. There is no real resolution. The stories just seem to drop off with no real conclusion. When one writes a mystery story, one must know not only that a murder was committed, but how it was done, and how it ends. Dorothy got home in the Wizard of Oz. George Bailey got his life back in It's a Wonderful Life. But had those two films been written today, Dorothy, after killing the Wicked Witch of the West, would have found herself turned into her, and George Bailey would have been condemned to nonexistence. Even in the Family Man, Jack Campbell gets a second chance. But today, it's all doom and gloom. Everything has to have a Twilight Zone ending. We apparently have to be taught that life is not a bowl of cherries. It is bowl of pits with sweet-tasting stuff around them. We are woke. And doomed. Oh, well...
The Age of Adaline (2015)
Very Similar to a Novel from 1979
Ken Grimwood, who is known for his book, Replay, wrote Elise in 1979 about an immortal woman, who didn't know why she didn't age, who falls in love with a man in the present, but is afraid to be in a relationship with him, because he will age and she won't. Meanwhile, Grimwood's 1986 novel Replay about a man who lives his life over and over again, was followed seven years later by the movie Groundhog Day, about a man who lives the same day over and over again. Coincidence? In Hollywood? Probably not.
Dune (2021)
Boring Has a Whole New Name
Aquaman and Drax together for the worst time. Slow-moving. Great special effects. Great cinematography. Bad direction. Bad casting. And you know there are problems when you need two rewrites of the screenplay (one of the writers was responsible for Prometheus, who almost single-handedly ruined the Alien franchise) This is what comes from nepotism in the film industry. Lawrence of Arabia this isn't. The dialogue is stilted. Some of the acting is outrageously bad. I'm sure there are those who will think this is an outstanding classic in the making, but as far as I'm concerned, it's as torturous as watching paint dry.
Alexander (2004)
The Final Cut - Boring - Stilted Dialogue - Poor Direction -Shaky Cameras
This is beyond a doubt, one of the worst high-budget movies I have ever tried to watch. It was as though it was produced by high school students. The acting is horrible., as is the direction, the cinematography and the script. Even the battle scenes are blurry and boring. The the boring opening with Anthony Hopkins, OMG. It was cringe-worthy. Total rubbish. Oliver Stone should stick to contemporary works. Cecil B. DeMille he's not. There is just such a contrast between this and the interesting Gladiator by Ridley Scott. But, hey, it only cost $155 million back in 2004.
The Artist (2011)
Poignant, but Problematic
It is obvious from the start that the writer/director had never really watched many silent films. This would become readily apparent to anyone familiar with the works of Von Stoheim, Murnau, Chaplin, pr Hitchcock in his silent days. There are too many close-ups, too many abrupt cuts, not enough going on in the background. Essentially, the film is shot like a modern film but without sound, using camera angles that wee not used back then. It is also problematic that it is a film within a film, and the only time sound comes in is at the end, and the film is far too crisp. Another problem is the choice of Bérénice Bejo, who although drop dead gorgeous and talented, was not the definition of beauty back then. Tastes change over time. Back then, Theda Bara, Greta Garbo and Lilian Gish were what women tried to model themselves after. The women back then were "thicker." And her character name of Peppy stands a true WTF moment. The only Peppy anyone today is familiar with is a cartoon skunk, at at that, a male. The movie seems to play of the Greta Garbo/John Gilbert issue. Garbo was able to transition to talkies, but Gilbert, who often played her love in the silents, had a high-pitched voice couldn't pass muster, so his career was at an end. Most annoying was the woman who sang Pennies From Heaven, whose voice can only be compared to Tiny Tim. Finally, despite the age differences, It would have been more satisfying to see Valintin and Peppy kiss in the end, rather than just dance. And was that supposed to be his total role in the film with no spoken words? All in all, it was a good attempt, but it didn't shine.
PS. Kudos for the dog, who reminded me of Asta in the Thin Man.
Stowaway (2021)
Written by Writers Who Should Write Soap Operas
The writers apparently missed any physics courses in high school . Gravity created by spinning is not real gravity, and it essentially throws one outwards against a wall. It does not cause the center of the ship to have artificial gravity, but the inner surfaces of the outside of the ship. And when climbing the tethers, there should have been no gravity and no grunting from exertion. All either of them had to do was to hook themselves around a tether and jump. Per Isaac Newton's fundamental law of gravity, they would have projected themselves effortlessly to their destination.
Saving Mr. Banks (2013)
If You Want to Hate Mary Poppins Forever, Watch This Film
This is the story of two very strange individuals, Walt Disney and Pamela Lyndon Travers, the author of the Mary Poppins books. The movie stands as a very uneasy and often depressing tale of the acquisition of the rights to the Mary Poppins story by Walt Disney. Tom Hanks has never been more unlikeable, Emma Thompson is, well, Emma Thompson. All I know is that the day I change my mind about his film will be""when spaceships come down filled with dinosaurs in red capes."
His Dark Materials (2019)
Poor Writing, Direction and Cinematography
It looks like one of those PBS dramas from the 1970s. This pales in comparison to the Golden Compass. I'm sorry, but it's as though they assigned a bunch of high school students to film this. I have tried to watch this, but it's just been an effort.
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Poorly Written Story and Script. Mediocre Direction
If you liked the stupidity of the Amazing Spider-Man 2, you'll love this. The bad guy is a hammed up joke. Nothing about this is in any way believable as was Superman, Superman vs. Batman or the first Wonder Woman movie. Deadpool and Birds of Prey were intended as spoofs. This one is unintentional and about as convincing as the Lego movie. Geoffrey Johns may be adequate for writing Green Lantern comic books, but this is an entirely different medium. Director/Writer Patty Jenkins also appear challenged when it comes to the big screen. I guess one needs to know someone to get fired for these sorts of projects. This is like the Bugs Bunny version of Wonder Woman.
Magic for Humans (2018)
Fake Stop Action Camera Tricks with Actors
Netflix promotes this as non-camera magic, but it's all fake. For instance, a supposedly random woman on the street steps into a makeshift box and gets in. The "magician then collapses it and the woman is no longer there. This is one on a sidewalk with no building around it. The woman's friend acts shocked. Total nonsense. The camera stops, the woman gets out, then the camera starts up again. Most of the show is like this. It's one thing to do this. It's another to lie about it.
Jackie (2016)
Basically a One Woman Show
All of the other characters are superfluous. It primarily portrays Jackie Kennedy as a sad, pathetic woman, who seemed to be more concerned about her abrupt displacement as First Lady and her forced move from the White House than anything else. Natalie Portman's portrayal is excellent, but it was a chore to sit through the entire film
Family Feud (1999)
It's Become Just Plain Dirty
I love watching the old reruns with Richard Dawson and Ray Combs. But ever since Steve Harvey took the reins, the questions are loaded to invoke filthy answers. An prime example is What is the hairiest part of your husband? The answer, "His balls." It's no longer a family show, but I guess that's the way of television these days.
Re-Animator (1985)
Plagarism of the Worst Kind
Richard Band has taken credit for the film score, but it's a total ripoff if the music composed by Bernard Hermann for Psycho. How he could get away with it is unimaginable. But, then again, Dueling Banjos was nominated for the 30th Golden Globe Awards in the Best Original Song, when it fact it was a bluegrass version of Yankee Doodle.
Fractured (2019)
99 Minutes I Can Neccer Get Back
It used to be that when someone wrote a mystery or a thriller, there was at least a somewhat happy ending. No more. It's all about psychos and killing and death. Perhaps if there had been a decent ending, but there wasn't, and in the end, if you are like me, you felt cheated. In the end, it was just a cruel film.
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
Gaping Plot Holes
The movie is entertaining with great CGI, including John and Sarah from years ago, but the storyline as a hole makes no sense,
1. In T-2, Sarah destroyed the chip and the arm as well as all of the research, so there was nothing left to copy. That should have ended Skynet's ability to create robots. But now Skynet has been replaced by Legion,, so why would Legion send back another T-800 to kill John? Where would it have gotten the technology to create one, and if, as we learn, Skynet no longer existed, how would Legion even know about John Connor, let alone care whether he lived or died? And why would it and how could it create a new Arnold model? Wouldn't the altered timeline have changed whom the models were patterned after? Meanwhile, not only can Legion build cyborgs similar to what Skynet could produce, but better ones that can split into two: one a T-1000 liquid metal and the other a Stan Winston skeletor.
2. Legion sends back a REV-9 liquid duo cyborg to kill Dani the future John Connor persona. In the original Terminator film, it was made clear that only one Terminator and one human could be sent back through time, which, by the way, appears to be an easy to build mode of travel in any future. So Sarah and Dani and Grace and Carl (Arnold) team up to defeat the REV-9. But so what? Dani is still a threat, and so why can't more REV-9's be sent back in time to finish the job if Skynet could send back more terminators? There are no more power cells or friendly terminators to destroy them. That would definitely be the end of Dani.
3. Why doesn't Legion send a terminator further back in time kill her when she was a child? Or, better yet, why not kill her parents or one of her grandparents before she or her parents were conceived? As proven in the Sarah Connor Chronicles, terminators can be sent at least as far back as 1929.
4. Since Carl told Sarah that he was able to determine when a time traveler was about to come through (by what technology?) why didn't he warn her when Grace or the REV-9 were about to appear, and how did Sarah know where to appear to rescue Grace and Dani, since there was not time displacement at that point?
5. When Grace puts a chain into the REV-9's eye or when Cart binds his arm, why couldn't the REV-9 just melt through and reassemble as it was able to do previously?
6. Why didn't Sarah die from cancer? This was established in both Terminator 3 and the Sarah Connor Chronicles. Did the fact that Linda Hamilton smokes ten packs of cigarettes a day in real life magically cure her?
7. How did the resistance, in the midst of the annihilation of humanity, come up with a way to enhance humans to make them almost as strong as the terminators? That's a pretty neat trick when most of your floors are covered in human bones and broken bricks and there isn't even enough food to go around. Plus, there's no longer an Internet and technology stopped working the very first day according to Grace.
8. Are we really supposed to believe that one woman without any scientific or electronic skills, by rallying a bunch of homeless people in her area, could make that much of a difference that Legion would use so many resources (remember, Sarah said they sent back a lot of terminators previously) to kill her?
9. Why is Grace's power cell so different from Carl's? Wouldn't it have been more viable to use his power cell to destroy the REV-9 rather than Grace's, so that Grace could live?
10. If you have a time machine, why not send Grace or others back in time to prevent the software that created Legion from ever being made? Shouldn"t a civilization advanced enough for time travel and advanced cybernetics have the ability to create a virus to prevent the Internet from developing sentience?
I also find it a bit coincidental that Grace appeared only hours before the REV-9. Also, for an presumably intelligent cyborg, wouldn't it have made a lot more sense for the REV-9 to just have waited for Dani to return from talking to her boss while disguised as her father, so that it could kill her there and then? Sadly, with both her father and brother dead, who is taking care of poor little Taco?
Hereafter (2010)
Weighted Down with Subtitles
For those into foreign films, I'm sure that this came as a piece de resistance, but for me, it was tiresome to have to read subtitles, which took me out of the experience. The movie is very laconic to say the least. The only character I really liked was Bryce Dallas Howard, but oh, well... As a whole, it was well acted and well directed and all, but the plot sort of meandered. The only reason I watched it was because Clint Eastwood directed it. He's good, but he's no Alfred Hitchcock.
Glitch (2015)
Season 3 needs to be buried
Season 1 was great. Season 2 was good. But Season 3 was beyond awful. Typical of movies today, it was only good for evil conspiracies and bad endings. It was like the Matrix. The first movie was great and imaginative. The other two were awful. It's just that watching Season 3 to its conclusion, left me angry in the end, making me with I hadn't watched it at all.