Masters of Junk

JJ Abrams, a result of nepotism and "proper breeding", couldn't be a "better" representative for everything that's gone wrong with modern American movies, if he tried.

So young, yet so "legendary" already. Keep it up, JJ, you're doing just anti-fine.

It takes a true anti-genius to make the already cretinous "Star Trek" franchise sink even lower. The less said about "Lost", the better. Not to mention "Star Wars", the next franchise he will sink.

Hollywood must truly be dead, when its two major franchises rely on this almost comically inept writer, so synonymous with incompetence; cretinous dialogue, hollow characters, and moronic plots are the main staples of his inability and anti-talent.

And that's just the beginning. I have total faith in him. I know he won't let us up (i.e down). Ever.

He was an English college professor. That pretty much explains what is wrong with American education today.

One of the richest anti-Capitalists in the world, his DVDs availiable in any Walmart near you, he has taken the already laughable and awful shockumentary form and lowered it several notches into the new lowest form of "documentary" drivel-making, the "mooromentary Marxist propaganda", also known as "mooromaganda".

In a mooromagandamentary you treat your political opponents like imbeciles, carefully editing out anything logical or truthful that they might say, plus editing away anything dumb that you yourself might have said during the course of an interview, then throw in a few childish pranks, cheesy gags, and a self-serving conspiracy theory with no basis in reality, and you're set. Set for glory, and for vast quantities of cash (all of which goes into buying yachts, not into funding Marxist revolutions i.e. freeing the peasants and working class from Capitalist prosperity).

If you have been a victim of a mooremagandamentary, and have actually caught yourself quoting its delirious "facts" to your family and friends, you might want to consider getting professional help.

"I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries." - Stephen King

Why does he choose to insult Big Macs like that?

All style and no substance (and not a gram of logic), that pretty much sums up Argento's asinine thrillers.

None of us mere mortals gets paid to produce dung, which is unfair considering that some people have become multi-millionaires doing just that.

What I'm saying is I know he wasn't stupid. He just wanted the rest of us to be that way.

I am starting to believe he might not be just another cynic who exploits the audiences' need for dumbed-down drivel, but that he actually loves garbage. Roland "Fly" Emmerich.

Ed Wood reborn, but working with huge budgets. Finally Ed got his money!

Pulling the Race Card can get you far in Hollywood. Any time baby didn't get the awards baby expected, or the financing that baby needed, baby chose to (wisely) cry foul.

Guess what? Baby made a whole career using such tactics.

Watch his interviews. I am not saying that people who talk that slowly have learning disabilities. I am not.

Like father, like son.

With the exception of "Ghostbusters", Reitman has had a knack of turning everything he touches into brown. He is almost like an alchemist that way.

His movies cover the whole range, everything from cheesy dramas to really dumb soppy dramas. And always politically-correct to a tee.

The shabby-looking clochard look, that's Emir's clever image shtick. Don't dress like the millionaire that you are, that might ruin your credibility as an "artist" with "street cred", friend of the downtrodden. Plus it helps distract from the obvious flaws of your movies.

Very popular in France.

The first few flicks were solid, but then the true Shyamalan reared its ugly head. Now he writes his scripts as if someone had blackmailed him into ruining his own career (in return for whatever awful secret this blackmailer has on him).

Idiocracy, here we come. Perhaps his movies are part of a bigger, more sinister plan: get them sufficiently dumbed-down, and then run for President.

Poor ol' Ed. I included him just to underline how bad the rest of these guys are. I'm a fan of Ed's badness, so in a sense he is a giant compared to all of these guys and gals.

Has dedicated all his waking hours to becoming the worst director of horror flicks - past, present, and future.

He has already succeeded. Now he is dedicating himself to staying on top of that garbage heap. The prospects of success are high.

Woo's arrival on the action flick scene made all the previous kaboom/pow/bang-bang/swoosh films look like science documentaries by comparison.

With the exception of "Sin City", which is moronic but stylish at least, everything else he touches turns to visible brown matter. One of many of Hollywood's new-generation anti-intellectuals (and proud of it). Just look at that smirk.

I believe he is actually proud of making garbage, much like Michael Moore is proud of being called a liar and a fraud.

Any TV or filmic product that even remotely has to do with him has a huge brown cloud around it, warning off discerning viewers to steer clear.

Only Ashton could possibly make Charlie Sheen look like a master comedian.

He usually starts off with a poor premise. The next step is making that premise truly awful by writing a disastrous script.

And then, just to make absolutely sure the flick turns out truly bad, he casts Jason Schwartzman, Adrien Brody, Angelina Huston, Owen Wilson, and the like.

His mission is clear: "it must NOT be funny".

The "most unfunny big-budget comedies ever made" is the field he specializes in. He actually believes that throwing inordinate amounts of flashy CGI crap onto the big-screen somehow makes up for the shoddy script and cast. Perhaps if you're 5.

My head is still reeling from the over-abundant nonsense in "Blue Steel" and "Strange Days". I wanna sue her for "wrongful filmic cranial damage".

How come there's no photo of this guy? WTH?

What makes him different from the rest is that he's so very proud of making trash. At least he's honest.