The Absolute Worst of 2014
While I always have lists for the good films and some other truly memorable ones every year, the hugely disproportionate ratio tilted towards the mediocre to the downright deplorable movies annually, urges me to compile this list of of bad movies annually. Monumental disasters in most departments of filmmaking, these films failed to provide something even remotely resembling mild entertainment (let's not even get into their creative or technical aspects).
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- DirectorSajidFarhad SamjiStarsAkshay KumarTamannaah BhatiaJuniorAkhil, an underdog and a failure, comes to know that his real father is a rich diamond merchant who has just passed away. When he goes to retrieve his wealth, he learns that a dog has inherited it.Dreadful, banal, trite, and a total waste of time - this has got to be Akshay Kumar's worst movie bar none. The jokes are unbearably bad and fall completely flat - the humor is not just cringe-worthy, it's blatantly forced and absolutely mind-numbing. The plot and narration are not just non-existent, they reach the point where you actually question your decision of falling for the whole ruse of leaving your brains elsewhere and watching the film.You now understand the difference between not using your brains while watching a simple, entertaining movie (read analyzing every single scene of a movie just meant to entertain you), and wantonly repressing your commonsense to be blindly follow the tide.
Barring Akshay Kumar and Johnny Lever, every other actor on screen completely hashes their parts, which may again be in part due to the Director duo’s briefing of their roles. Alas, despite Kumar and Lever bringing all their experience to the fore and somehow managing to salvage their weakly scripted parts, they can’t do enough to salvage the deplorable proceedings on film. Krsihna Abhishek is the worst of the lot. He isn’t just over-the-top - which is necessary for some characterizations – he completely over-the-hill and comes across as jarring and garish.
If “Entertainment” could be summed up in one sentence, then this statement would do it justice: “Avoid at all cost if you possess even a semblance of commonsense and value its existence as part of what helps you think as a rational human being.” - DirectorWilliam EubankStarsBrenton ThwaitesOlivia CookeBeau KnappOn a road trip, Nic and two friends are drawn to an isolated area by a computer genius. When everything suddenly goes dark, Nic regains consciousness - only to find himself in a waking nightmare.Director, William Eubank, clearly has big ideas and an impressive level of technical expertise; unfortunately, "The Signal" fritters them away on a poorly constructed screenplay and weak narrative. You spend a lot of the movie confused, but might still decide to stick along for the lure of great big reveals of its finale, which ultimately don't feel very shocking at all. Beyond the endless ambiguity of the plot and copious nonsensical elements in the story arc, the film also leans heavily on the relationships between the three leads, which are wafer-thin and under-cooked at best. "The Signal" is completely underwhelming - a blueprint of hokum, pseudo-science in the fiction, and not enough fiction in the science to at least make the film remotely watchable. Seldom have I felt to leave a film midway. "The Signal" not only made me want to do exactly that, but it's so deplorably made and so soporific that I actually felt like abandoning the movie within the first 1/2 hour itself.
- DirectorSohail KhanStarsSalman KhanDaisy ShahTabuAn upright ex-army man, Jai fights a solitary war against corruption and injustice. With a simple mantra to pay forward, he starts off by helping one person and forms an ever growing circle of people helping each other."Jai Ho" has all the ingredients of the usual kitsch of a Salman Khan starrer and then some more. The inanity, perplexity, and utter disregard for sensibility of his films seem to be sinking to abysmally deeper levels with each passing offering of his. In fact, his choice of directors, co-actors (Why would respectable and reputed performers like Danny and Tabu even agree to be a part of this drivel. Do they so desperately need a hit film?), scripts, and technical departments of his movies seem to made keeping the above parameters in mind. So I'm not even going to try and dissect this mess of a film, because it'd be no different than dissecting all his previous messes in the last 4-5 years (with the sole exception of "Dabangg").
What I would instead like to do is try and comprehend the sensibilities behind Salman's last 4-5 films including "Jai Ho". It's like he just doesn't seem to care anymore and his decisions seem to be based on his blind belief that his fans would lap up just about anything he offers them. And this time he cunningly tries to sugarcoat all this trite and lack of effort with a few meaningful scenes and a overtly implausible message (Why do his films always have to be so preachy; why can't the message ever be subtle yet resonant?). What's more, the makers of "Jai Ho" appear to be convinced that these few good moments are the only things the audience are going to take away from the otherwise heaping pile of manure that's masquerading in the form of a film. "Jai Ho" takes the art of filmmaking and completely mutilates it. What's even sadder is the apparent fact that Salman doesn't even seem to pay respect to the sentiments and intellect of his loyal fans anymore. - DirectorKamal SadanahStarsAadil ChahalAhran ChaudharyPranay DixitAfter his photojournalist brother gets killed by a white tigress in the jungles of the Sundarbans, Pandit and his team of commandos enter the prohibited core area of the forest to avenge his death.For a movie where the main USP is supposed to be the tigers and the thrills to be sought from their hunt on a bunch of humans, actor-turned-Director, Kamal Sadanah, gets a brain-freeze and decides to introduce his prime selling point a whole hour after the film commences. Agreed, that it's important to show a bit of build-up, particularly in a horror, sci-fi, or action film, but clearly the filmmakers misunderstood the difference between an actual build-up and what can be best described as a soap-opera prequel to their actual film. In the meantime we are subjected to soporific drawls, and endless bickering between a bunch of talentless actors with wooden expressions and the screen presence of a few rustling leaves blowing in the background of a romantic Bollywood interlude.
Granted, the scenes with the tigers are breathtaking, but they can do little to lift this abomination of a film from its doldrums. The tension and ensuing action is cringe-worthy to say the least; no doubt, tigers are natural killing machines, more so in their own habitat, but it would have been nice if the Director had shown them working a bit to catch their prey. Shoddily scripted, listlessly directed, deplorable acted, and amateurishly assembled, "Roar" literally screams bad filmmaking and a lost opportunity of what had the potential to be an exciting creature-horror flick, with a plausible allegory thrown in. - DirectorDavid JungStarsShane JohnsonElla AndersonCara PifkoAfter poor advice from a psychic leads to the death of his wife, a man vows to disprove the existence of the paranormal by allowing himself to be possessed by demons.Tediously paced, fatuously scripted, horrendously acted, deplorably directed, and not at all scary or tense. Even the technical departments such as the editing and cinematography fall completely flat, and end up contributing nothing towards salvaging the film from its rapid descent. And being an independent, low-budget production is certainly no excuse, as similarly budgeted films such as the recent "Ghost of Goodnight Lane" have shown us what hidden gems they can be. In fact, the only major positive that one could take away from watching "The Possession of Michael King" is how not to construct a horror film. It is literally so awful that it serves as a ready made blueprint of everything filmmakers should avoid while helming a horror movie - right from the infantile phases of pre-production to the final stages of editing and visual effects, the film serves as a quintessential study of what aspiring horror writers, Directors, or producers should steer miles away from while assembling their projects.
- DirectorJohnny TaborStarsWilliam McNamaraDanny GloverAndrea MonierIn hope of getting his hands on the famed diamond known as the Codix Stone, Jack Wells joins a group of archaeologists out to explore a newly discovered tomb in Egypt, that of the cursed king Neferu. When the Mummy of the king returns from the dead seeking human victims, Jack is in for the most horrifying experience of his life.Yet another one of those horror movies, where nothing happens for three-fourths of the film, and the eventual payoff is utterly disappointing. Director, Johnny Tabor, is so disillusioned, that he inexplicably chooses to conceal his main protagonist's visage for most of the film. And the unnecessary shaky-cam detracts from most of the proceedings. Screenwriter, Garry Charles, follows closely on the heels of his Director by penning a script that's not only dreary and lackluster, but also lacks a semblance of decent scares. Couldn't believe that Danny Glover was in this. His recent filmography is seriously threatening to obliterate the fairly respectable legacy he had built through the 80s, 90s, and early 2000s. He needs to get his act together and realize soon that he isn't yet old enough for this kind of steaming pile of *beep*
- DirectorNicolas Aaron MezzanattoStarsRich McDonaldKristina AnapauJoshua St. JamesAfter losing contact with a clandestine energy research facility, a powerful venture capitalist contracts a private team of elite military operatives to retrieve a physicist who holds the key to an unprecedented alternate energy source.The positives - good action. The negatives - Nonsensical plot, weak screenplay, tardy narration, lackluster direction, lazy characterization. The outcome - the negatives way outbeat the positives. The verdict - a completely forgettable waste of time.
- DirectorRandall WallaceStarsGreg KinnearKelly ReillyThomas Haden ChurchA small-town father must find the courage and conviction to share his son's extraordinary, life-changing experience with the world.One of the most manipulative, sugar-coated, kitschy, preachy, melodramatic, and utterly sensationalized films ever made on the Christian faith. And I don't say this because I'm an atheist or agnostic or something even remotely similar to a person who doesn't believe in God. I say this as a Christian who feels sick at the exasperating depths some sorry examples of filmmakers, writers, or other artists go to just to propagate their religious beliefs, and their incessant need to brainwash people into sharing their beliefs. What's even more stupefying is the fact that millions of Christians not only revel in this manipulative drivel, but also, somehow, feel that such gibberish actually serves to strengthen their faith (just check out the box-office numbers of "Heaven is for Real"); like you need a poor excuse of a film to make you believe in something you already claim to show steadfast solidarity to. I guess that as long as they are convinced that such inane and sensationalized pieces masquerading in the guise of art serve to brainwash others who don't share their faith, they'll keep choosing to not even apply an iota of basic common sense while viewing or reading such topics.
- DirectorJohn Erick DowdleStarsPerdita WeeksBen FeldmanEdwin HodgeWhen a team of explorers venture into the catacombs that lie beneath the streets of Paris, they uncover the dark secret that lies within this city of the dead.For a horror movie, or at least one that claims to belong to the genre (unless I was misled), "As Above/So Below" is significantly bereft of anything horrific, remotely suspenseful,or mildly chilling. For a film that takes place underground in tightly enclosed spaces, it's surprisingly thin on suspense and palpable physical danger. After an intriguing setup that threatens to claw its way out of found-footage overkill, the "As Above/So Below" plummets into clichéd mediocrity. Once the characters go underground, things do start happening - not scary things, mind you, just random things. It is also quite impossible to set a film in the Paris catacombs and completely mess up the sense of grim, suffocating atmosphere...but this film even manages to achieve this bit of ignominy, and does so with relative ease. "As Above/So Below" is visually incoherent, devoid of suspense, and propulsive in all the wrong ways. There may be an interesting story to be told about what exists under the streets of Paris; unfortunately, this film isn't it.
- DirectorAlejandro G. IñárrituStarsMichael KeatonZach GalifianakisEdward NortonA washed-up superhero actor attempts to revive his fading career by writing, directing, and starring in a Broadway production.There is no doubt that “Birdman” features some of the finest work in Michael Keaton’s and Edward Norton’s careers, and another stellar, constant work of cinematography by the veteran, Emmanuel Lubezki, who makes each frame look captivating and frenetically eye-candy at the same time. However, the story is a hodgepodge of dangling plot threads and missed opportunities. While it is true that Keaton’s protagonist carries the film, the subplots with his daughter, the lesbian affair, and the failing marriage never tie into Riggin’s journey, and these sections of the film leave you with more questions than answers.
Initially, the plot is straightforward enough: it’s a backstage satire, set over a handful of days, as Thomson directs and acts in his Broadway adaptation in a bid for artistic credibility. Gradually, strange kinks assert themselves in the narrative: moments where Thomson levitates cross-legged in mid air, or takes flight across the New York rooftops. Along the way, Director, Alejandro González Iñárritu, and director of photography, Lubezki, let the film appear as if unspooling in a single take. It’s a nice piece of artifice; but much like the film itself, it’s a superficial rather than substantial attraction.
The actors digs at narcissism, ambition, insecurity, the wages of celebrity, and the “cultural genocide” of Hollywood verge on the indulgent. “The play is starting to feel like a deranged, deformed version of myself,” Thomson says at one point. Ha, ha, yes; we get it! The second hour strips back every outstanding plot point to focus entirely on Thomson’s meltdown as opening night approaches. But it’s difficult to engage with Thomson’s plight: his character is depthless and self-absorbed, and Iñárritu’s film isn’t half as clever as it thinks it is.
Also, the last shot of the film seems to change the rules established by the first hour and fifty-eight minutes. Overall, while the “Birdman’s” performances are a joy to watch, the story fails to have any cohesion. - DirectorLuc BessonStarsScarlett JohanssonMorgan FreemanChoi Min-sikA woman, accidentally caught in a dark deal, turns the tables on her captors and transforms into a merciless warrior evolved beyond human logic.Besson is falling further and further into doldrums; whether it be his recent and even not-so-recent directorial or scripting efforts. "Taken" and "District B13" aside, and to some extend "The Family" (and two of those were only scripted by him), none of his projects in the past 10 years or so even past muster, and "Lucy" is yet another massive blotch on his repertoire.
The film is beyond inane - it's flaws, plot-holes, and downright absurdity are so vivid, and so many, that it would be a herculean task even to list them. Part farcical-scientific treatise, part messed-up action movie - a film that oscillates between rambunctious disorientation and complete boredom in a heartbeat. And, for a movie that worries about most of humanity wasting its potential, it's ironical that "Lucy" is riddled with so many nonsensical scenes. Even though the titular character may find her brainpower exponentially increasing as the film's run-time moves forward, chances are you'll feel your IQ levels diminishing and your intellect being assaulted just as rapidly. "Lucy" is more or less the same kind of illogical gibberish we've come to except from post-2005 era Besson. - DirectorSajid NadiadwalaStarsSalman KhanJacqueline FernandezNawazuddin SiddiquiAn adrenaline junkie walks away from a whirlwind romance and embraces a new life as a thief, though he soon finds himself pursued by veteran police officer and engaged in a turf war with a local gangster.Nothing but an overblown publicity stunt for Salman’s do-gooder image. In this remake of another Telugu film by the same name and a wannabe mishmash of “Krrish 3“, “Dhoom 3“, “Don 2“, Salman is expected to fulfill too many roles at once — to sharpen the film’s bird-brained script, to infuse excitement that its expensive action cannot conjure, to add hilarity whenever its insipid jokes fall flat.
The action isn’t nearly smart enough to enthuse us. Merely shooting a film in a fancy European locale or smashing a few cars and CGI choppers doesn’t amount to action, there has to be a certain amount of finesse, audacity, cunning, and strategy to it all. As glimpses, a few sequences may stand out, but as an action set piece, the execution is absolutely lackluster.
Nadiadwala may have the monies to sponsor the action but not the acumen to generate it. In fact the script and its treatment are so deplorable that the proceedings are too daft even for a Salman movie. While he conveniently blows off cars and planes and damages public property, Salman bhai is also a large-hearted philanthropist, the proverbial Robin Hood, and a human being who’s just being human. Sorry Salman, but it is high-time you started making films and stopped cutting show-reels for your benign acts and pseudo-lovable image. - DirectorSajid KhanStarsSaif Ali KhanRiteish DeshmukhRam KapoorA comedy centered around three people who each have a lookalike of a lookalike, all with the same name.A comedy so unfunny and so unbearable that it leaves emotional scars on your psyche. Sajid Khan completely botches up what had the potential to be a rib-tickling situational comedy of errors. With a premise reeking of comedy gold, on his hands, and with a trio of multi-talented male actors boasting of impeccable comic timing, only a complete twit could have ruined this movie. And what’s more surprising is that Sajid has been known to entertain audiences with his no-brainer, madcap, situational comedies. But, since “Himmatwala”, he seems to have completely lost his mojo, or maybe he just had a limited supply of mojo that has now been exhausted over the course of his first three, laugh-out-loud, humorous adventures. In fact, there are several scenes reminiscent of his initial three hits, which seem to be mutilated into something else.
The jokes fall flat, the gags are tiresome, and the exceedingly sparse amount of buildups that start out as funny, quickly swerve into painful territory because of Khan’s hackneyed direction. “Humshakals” seems to have rung the death knell on Sajid Khan’s directing career, and only a miracle would seem him emerge from the ashes he has smoldered himself into. - DirectorAli Abbas ZafarStarsRanveer SinghArjun KapoorPriyanka Chopra JonasThe lives of Calcutta's most powerful Gunday, Bikram and Bala, changes when Nandita enters it. Then a counter-force takes charge and a thriller unfolds.I usually don't tend to complain about style taking precedence over substance. It can be very entertaining to sit through a stylish and cool flick that packs its substance in small doses and a moderately coherent plot. But when the film is all style and no substance, then as an intelligent viewer who feels duped by the filmmakers, I'm compelled to draw the line. And that's exactly what "Gunday" is - all style, no substance, a complete absence of logic, glaring plot-holes, and factual errors that occur all too rampantly to be ignored. Priyanka just passes muster, Irfan has nothing much to do, and Arjun Kapoor is as usual a let down. Ranveer Singh's rustic gunday act is the only redeeming thing about this film, but it bears no consequence on the ultimate, disastrous outcome of the movie.
- DirectorMcGStarsKevin CostnerHailee SteinfeldConnie NielsenA dying CIA agent trying to reconnect with his estranged daughter is offered an experimental drug that could save his life in exchange for one last assignment.“3 Days to Kill” is an extraordinarily compelling film; unfortunately, in all the wrong ways. Several times over its strung-out two hours you end up staring at the screen, mouth agape, wondering what the hell is going on. Directed by McG and co-written by Luc Besson, this is alternately a bombastic spy actioner, a morose drama about retirement, a jaunty comedy about a father and his rambunctious teenage daughter, and a comic book thriller. Basically, the film sets out to be an action-comedy with few emotional bits thrown in, but ends up tackling too many subject and appears totally confused and unsure about what it wants to say in the end.
The flick alternates between crackling humorous scenes, funny dialogues, well executed action set pieces, and sadly, plenty of horrendously scripted drama with plot-holes the size of craters on the moon. “3 Days to Kill” plays more like most of Besson’s recent endeavors, which are a sad reflection of his once glory days (barring "Taken" and "District B13"). McG is a competent but undistinguished director and on a scene to scene level manages some effective work; it’s when the feature is taken as a whole it comes across as an absolute mess.
To whatever degree the film works, it’s because Costner plays his role with effortless charm and unassuming conviction, without ever going overboard. He does well to remind us he is a real movie star and keeps the picture from entirely falling apart at the seams.
“3 Days to Kill” is a frequently bizarre, never boring mish-mash that doesn’t come together, yet perfectly encapsulates everything both good and bad about Luc Besson’s recent, erratic output. - DirectorEric DarnellSimon J. SmithStarsTom McGrathChris MillerChristopher KnightsSkipper, Kowalski, Rico and Private join forces with undercover organization The North Wind to stop the villainous Dr. Octavius Brine from destroying the world as we know it.“Penguins of Madagascar” is fast and brightly colored enough to entertain small children, but too frantically silly to offer real film-going fun for the whole family. The film will probably appease kids with its rambunctious approach and garish setting, but adults will find out the hard way that these waddlers are better in small doses. The “Madagascar” movies have always been way too inane to provide wholesome family fun for adults and kids alike, and in keeping with that tradition, “Penguins of Madagascar” is no different.
However, you do feel a tad disappointed, since these waddlers were undeniably the best thing about the “Madagascar” franchise. But then you steadily begin to realize that since these penguins never had to carry a “Madagascar” movie, it was easier for them to steal one. Now they have their own movie, and who steals it? No one, as it turns out. It all just sort of happens, and then it’s over, and does that surprise anyone? There is a direct correlation between certain characters’ popularity and their screen time. “Ice Age” mainstay Scrat is hilarious, but can you imagine an entire movie of him? It would be unbearable. And in about a year, Universal is releasing a “Minions” movie. They showed a trailer for it before the “Penguins” screening, and it looks like it has the exact same problems that this movie does. Some characters are simply funnier in limited quantities.
Though disappointingly monotonous in many ways, “Penguins of Madagascar” will probably divert kids with ease, given its manic exertion and pace. As for their adult minders, the picture is more likely to narcotize them into naps with its nauseatingly flashy CGI detail, and perhaps this is the natural order of things for tired parents seeking a break. However, for all those adults out there who are not being dragged along to the theater by their little ones, and are simply looking for a hilarious little romp, you’ll should give this yarn of your feathered Arctic friends a definite miss. Barely bothering to make sense, “Penguins of Madagascar” is fast and furious but also flightless. - DirectorK.S. RavikumarStarsRajinikanthAnushka ShettySonakshi SinhaA small-time thief reforms after learning about the role played by his grandfather in building a dam.K.S. Ravikumar’s film isn’t quite bonkers enough to be hailed as the best Rajinikanth film. It is, however, ridiculous enough to make you burst out in giggles every few minutes for the better part of the 175-minute runtime. The film is also irritatingly interspersed with an excruciating number of songs and dances, mostly in unbearable dream sequences! A.R. Rahman’s music does not help either to stop Lingaa from stumbling on its plot track.
Rajinikanth, yet again, remains a slave to his trademark mannerisms in the name of acting. Here he does not flick a cigarette in the air (that would be politically incorrect now, wouldn’t it?), but twirls his hair and moustache for ideas. And there’s hardly any difference between Raja Lingeswaran and Lingaa – not just in appearance but also in mannerisms, accent, body language, and dialogue delivery. Both Sonakshi Sinha, who abandons her home and village to be with the Raja as he is banished, and Anushka Shetty as a television anchor-girlfriend of Lingaa are characters on the periphery. But, that has to be expected, or so we’re forced to believe, because a superstar like Rajinikanth simply must be present in ever frame, and the others around him simply have to shrink into inconsequential specks. Santhanam remains Lingaa’s sidekick, portraying the same character for the zillionth time.
For a film that takes almost three hours to tell its story, many of the crucial elements are conveyed through dialogues (for example, we never see Lingaa’s steps to expose the corrupt MP but we see him narrating them in the climax), which takes away the heroism from the character. However, the biggest disappointment is the preposterous climax stunt piece (that includes Lingaa jumping on top of a hot-air balloon from a bike, and kicking a bomb away while dangling from the balloon) that seems to be a validation of all the Rajni jokes that flood the internet.
“Lingaa” is not a good film. Rajni films rarely are. And like so many of them, it is entirely oblivious of how silly it is in its hackneyed portrayal of the deified superstar with all his pseudo-ideological, naively moral, do-gooder, larger-than-life traits intact. And as usual, the icing on top is Rajnisaar’s crackling, trademark dialogue delivery of the most absurd lines, and his buffoon-like rendition of the most outlandish action scenes and stunts. - DirectorShashank KhaitanStarsVarun DhawanAlia BhattAshutosh RanaA girl from Ambala, Kavya Pratap Singh, is about to be married. When she visits Delhi to shop for her 'dhai lakh ka Ghagra, she meets Humpty Sharma, a carefree Delhiite, and falls in love with him.An utterly muddled attempt at recreating the timeless magic of "Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge". Inept direction and shoddy scripting shroud the genuinely honest endeavors of the trio of Bhatt, Dhawan, and Rana to salvage this doomed venture.