The Worst Movies Ever
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- DirectorIvan BarnettStarsGwen WatfordKaye TendeterIrving Steen1950. Horror. A traveller arrives at Usher mansion to visit his friend Roderick (Kaye Tendeter) and discovers that Roderick and his sister (Gwen Watford) have been inflicted with a strange disease.Disaster
I could not find the original movie from 1928 anywhere, so I finally decided to switch to the next adaptation of "House of Usher". Terrible mistake. At the beginning, it looks like a black and white silent film, but then you realize it is not silent. Body language is completely in silent movie style, there is almost none facial expression, and diction in dialogues forced me to give up on this crap after 25 minutes. All speech in this movie sounds like one person, extremely bored with their task, speak all words at slow, monotonous pace, with uniform bored voice, without any emotion or connection with words they speak. It's like a heavily drugged person is trying to clearly and correctly read a text they don't even slightly understand. If it was a silent movie from the '20s it still wouldn't be good, but it would be acceptable. For a sound film from the '50s, this is unwatchable.
1/10 - DirectorFrederick WisemanDocumentary filmmaker Frederick Wiseman takes us inside the Massachusetts Correctional Institution Bridgewater where people stay trapped in their madness.Almost unwatchable
This controversial documentary by Frederick Wiseman was banned worldwide from its creation in 1967 until 1992. It shows the state of affairs at the Massachusetts Correctional Institution at Bridgewater, a prison hospital for the criminally insane and, although Wiseman had permission to shoot, the result was very bad publicity for the government, so this is the only American film banned for reasons other than obscenity or national security, but rather for violation of the privacy of prisoners. This documentary is very difficult, and since it has no story, but only strings gruesome and disgusting scenes, in addition to being nauseous, it is also quite boring. I respect the intent of the author, but I barely made it to the end.
2/10 - DirectorMelvin Van PeeblesStarsMelvin Van PeeblesHubert ScalesJohn DullaghanAfter saving a Black Panther from some racist cops, a black male prostitute goes on the run from "the man" with the help of the ghetto community and some disillusioned Hells Angels.Disappointment
Strong message, interesting story-line, explicit sex and violence, beginning that promises... and then very fast movie transforms into unwatchable crap. Stretched, full of unnecessary "parrot" repetition, too chaotic, mediocre acting and, for me, terrible directing. Director, who is also the screenwriter, must have been either on heavy drugs or VD reached his brain. The movie is made with just 150.000$ from his own pocket, so I have no objections to production, it's OK for such a small amount of money, but even with that budget and only three weeks of shooting it could have been done much better. This way he just ruined an awesome idea.
3/10 - DirectorJohn WatersStarsDivineDavid LocharyMary Vivian PearceNotorious Baltimore criminal and underground figure Divine goes up against a sleazy married couple who make a passionate attempt to humiliate her and seize her tabloid-given title as "The Filthiest Person Alive".It hurts...
How the hell this movie got an average rate over six?! It is very close to being the ultimate winner in a stupidity contest. It is one of very few most stupid things I ever had the misfortune to see. Of course, it could be even worse, it could last more than ninety minutes... This movie was banned worldwide because of nudity, perversion, and a complete lack of morality. But in my opinion, that's not the worst thing about it. It should be forbidden because of extreme stupidity and terrible terrible acting. My recommendation - avoid it at any cost.
2/10 - DirectorWes CravenStarsSandra PeabodyLucy GranthamDavid HessTwo teenage girls heading to a rock concert for one's birthday try to score marijuana in the city, where they are kidnapped and brutalized by a gang of psychopathic convicts.Terrible
Thriller?! For a movie to be a thriller it must have a plot, suspense, tension, mystery, something... This movie is linear, predictable, vulgar simple... but Craven was able to do something I have never seen before - he made explicit and credible scenes of rape, torture, and brutal violence boring, without any tension and without leaving any impression on the viewer. Horror?! The only scary thing in this movie is the fact that it is scary stupid. Disgusting - yes, but there's no trace of horror or thriller. Acting and directing irresistibly reminds me of low-budget porn. And scenes of nature followed by pleasant, even merrily music definitely don't contribute to tension, but even more departing this movie from genres it should represent. I didn't rate it 1/10 only because it was inspired by Bergman and because I did succeed to watch it till the end without my brain leaking through my ears.
2/10 - DirectorTobe HooperStarsMarilyn BurnsEdwin NealAllen DanzigerFive friends head out to rural Texas to visit the grave of a grandfather. On the way they stumble across what appears to be a deserted house, only to discover something sinister within. Something armed with a chainsaw.Ineffable nonsense
The film, which many mistakenly consider Tobe Hooper's directorial debut (Eggshels, 1969), is significant because it launched an avalanche of similar films and practically started the slasher-horror genre. But apart from this, I really do not see that the film has any qualities, and besides that, it is quite stupid.
3/10 - DirectorMichael FindlayHoracio FredrikssonSimon NuchternStarsMargarita AmuchásteguiTina AustinAna CarroA so-called "snuff" film involving the exploits of a cult leader leading a gang of bikers in a series of supposedly real killings on film.Avoid at all cost
If you have absolutely nothing better to do... still do not watch this bullcrap.
2/10 - DirectorRobert AltmanStarsKeith CarradineKaren BlackRonee BlakleyOver the course of a few hectic days, numerous interrelated people prepare for a political convention.Unwatchable
I love country music and I know the movie piled up many awards and it is considered one of the greatest American movies in the '70s, I understand social criticism... but I cannot remember if I ever saw anything this pointless and boring. I hate to give up and I always watch movies till the end even if I don't like it, but this time I had to gather all of my energy and power of will to endure first of three hours and finally I gave up. I wouldn't recommend this even to the enemy. It's torture.
1/10 - DirectorJean-Luc GodardStarsMyriem RousselThierry RodePhilippe LacosteA college student gets pregnant without having intercourse, affecting people close and unrelated to her in different ways.Either this is extremely stupid and boring film or I'm too shallow to understand it. I prefer first option, but if anyone has watched it and didn't get bored to death, please help me understand what I wasted 2 hours of my life on...
0/10 - DirectorJörg ButtgereitStarsBernd Daktari LorenzBeatrice ManowskiHarald LundtA street sweeper who cleans up after grisly accidents brings home a full corpse for him and his wife to enjoy sexually, but is dismayed to see that his wife prefers the corpse over him.A film about love for man and what remains of him
"Nekromantik" brings us a story about a man who cleans streets after serious accidents and who brings a corpse home to join him and his wife in bed. It is full of explicit sex scenes with a corpse in decay that serve no purpose other than to overturn your stomach. This complete nonsense is not even slightly horror. It is simply disgusting to exhaustion and back, while in no way justifies its repugnance. This is low-budget trash, in every respect unwatchable.
1/10 - DirectorTun-Fei MouStarsGang WangDai Yao WuRunshen WangJapanese troops round up Chinese and Russian prisoners of war and take them to unit 731, where they're horribly tortured and experimented on to test new biological weapons."Fleas and germs can defeat bombers and guns"
At the end of WWII, the Japanese used Chinese prisoners as guinea pigs for testing new biological weapons. This horror drama is based on true events, which should make it even more horrifying, but I was so bored that I barely made it to the end.
2/10 - DirectorScott SpiegelStarsRobert PatrickBo HopkinsDuane WhitakerFive career criminals gather in Mexico to pull off a bank heist. They soon realize that they are up against far more frightening creatures than the police pursuing them.Terrible piece of shit
It is difficult to describe in words how shitty this movie is. It's not a horror, it's not a thriller, there's no humor, actors are lame, directing too… Pure action and extremely bad one too. It's hard to believe that Tarantino and Rodriguez approved this, let alone signed it... but they did.
3/10 - DirectorDavid CronenbergStarsRalph FiennesMiranda RichardsonGabriel ByrneA mentally disturbed man takes residence in a halfway house. His mind gradually slips back into the realm created by his illness, where he replays a key part of his childhood.Awesome performance in a terrible movie
A good example of how a great actor can excel in a bad movie. Something this boring I haven't seen in a long time. I barely made it to the end, but Ralph nailed his part.
Ralph Fiennes - 9/10
The movie overall - 2/10 - DirectorDavid GrossmanStarsChristopher ShowermanJulie BenzAngus T. JonesGeorge, now a father, goes to Las Vegas, where he has to help out his brother.George of the Jungle (1997)
A movie that makes me happy.
9/10
George of the Jungle 2 (2003)
Sad attempt to get more money on old glory...
This is a disgrace in almost every way. I have nothing against movies that are meant to be in more than one part, not even those meant to be single movies but then inspired sequels, but when they knock something together just to try and get a few dollars more of the old glory... yuck.
The new cast is not bad itself, some of them are maybe even better than the original cast, but they miss the charm that we fell to in the first movie. It simply isn't it. Music is copied from the first movie. The story is unoriginal and dumb. Humor is rerun or exaggerated or simply pointless. CGI is a story for itself. In the original movie, you could not tell that the elephant is not the real one, while here all animals look like they skipped from a cartoon. Not only unconvincing, but also very irritating. The screenplay was obviously forced without ideas or inspiration and then put into the movie that I barely forced myself to watch till the end. In one word - sad.
3/10 - DirectorTommy WiseauStarsTommy WiseauJuliette DanielleGreg SesteroIn San Francisco, an amiable banker's seemingly perfect life is turned upside down when his deceitful fiancée embarks on an affair with his best friend.It's hard to describe in words how bad this movie really is. This is one of those things that you must personally experience to believe. Objectively, this movie does not deserve anything above 1/10, but since on my scale 1/10 represents absolutely unwatchable crap I couldn't force myself to endure, unfortunately I have to rate it
2/10
"This film is like getting stabbed in the head.
You know that foreign exchange student from high school who used to creep out all the girls with his clumsy leering and broken-English pick-up lines? Well, he's all grown up and somebody gave him money to make a film. Tommy Wiseau, whose accent could best be described as "half-drunk Croatian cyborg", stars as Johnny, the man with the most sculpted ass in all of San Francisco. His girlfriend Lisa, played by oft-topless Juliette Danielle, seduces his best friend, played by department store mannequin Greg Sestero. To go any farther with the plot would be overdignifying this laugh-out-loud crapfest. Imagine a two-hour episode of "Red Shoe Diaries" written and directed by Balki from "Perfect Strangers". Trust me, this is the worst movie you will ever see ever in your entire life. Ever. But is it pathetically awful or sadistically hilarious? What you think will depend on your life experiences and viewpoint. But we can all agree, it's a big, steaming nut-filled turd." - by RCarstairs - DirectorMichael WinterbottomStarsKieran O'BrienMargo StilleyRobert Levon BeenIn London, intense sexual encounters take place between an American college student, named Lisa, and an English scientist, named Matt, between attending rock concerts.Do not watch this even if you are bored to death
Porn movies have a shitty storyline and a bunch of explicit sex, the mainstream film avoids explicit sex but goes for a good story. This movie is 70% explicit sex but not a porn, yet I watched quite a lot of porn with a better story. That little bit of the movie that is not sex is their visits to concerts I would not attend even under threat of death.
To cut the long story short - boring sex scenes, even more boring storyline, and music that can easily bore you to death. Screw "artistic" movies of this sort. It lasted 67 minutes but I yawn like I did not sleep for 67 days.
If you really have nothing to do, believe me, it's more fun to count stains on your walls than to watch this movie.
2/10 - DirectorJim WynorskiStarsJoe SouzaMonique ParentJohn Henry RichardsonA man and wife are sucked into a whirlpool (in the wife's case, hot tub) of supernatural sex by a trio of randy, well-endowed witches.Stop lying about genres, please
It is unbelievable how many genre mistakes sneak up to IMDb. It says horror for this crap. From a title, it was obvious to me that it is an erotic movie, but I was curious how they managed to combine erotic and horror into one movie. The answer is - they did not! This is plain soft porn and kind that will disappoint both fans of horror and fans of porn. Complete failure.
3/10 - DirectorDavid LynchStarsKarolina GruszkaKrzysztof MajchrzakGrace ZabriskieAs an actress begins to adopt the persona of her character in a film, her world becomes nightmarish and surreal."The work of an old genius with Alzheimer's"
I understood absolutely nothing at all. Four hours I wasted on this movie and came to the conclusion that I'm stupid. Then I thoroughly dug forums, YouTube, and movie sites to realize that I'm not stupid but this move cannot be understood at all. It does not even have a storyline.
"I think Lynch's newest head trip is probably best understood as not understood at all. Instead, it should just be experienced - a jolt of pure cinema full of revelations about the power of film, but only because of what it is rather than what it says."
Maybe this movie is a delicacy for David Lynch lovers, but it will take some time for me to forgive myself for not giving up on it after the first hour. I cannot remember when was the last time I was so bored and overwhelmed with the feeling of complete futility... Complete crap.
2/10 - DirectorArmen OganezovStarsValeria NemchenkoMarina ZasimovaVladimir SorokinThe events of the controversial novel "Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov pick up in modern day Russia.Nabokov is turning in his grave!
This is blasphemy to the great novel and one of the very worst movies I have ever seen. There is too little plot and too much sex for a mainstream movie, but too little sex and too much talking for a porn. The story is at average porn level, sex is lousy, and directing, acting and camera are terrible. The movie has no quality at all. On the one hand, there is no artistic quality, and on the other, you cannot even jerk off while watching it. Throughout the whole thing, I was thinking about Nabokov turning in his grave, but after the last scene, I think I died and started to turn in my own. I would give it a zero if it was possible, but unfortunately, I have to satisfy with
1/10 - DirectorPascal LaugierStarsMorjana AlaouiMylène JampanoïCatherine BéginA young woman's quest for revenge against the people who kidnapped and tormented her as a child leads her and a friend, who is also a victim of child abuse, on a terrifying journey into a living hell of depravity.Only for torture movie fans
It says "horror, mystery, drama", but it would be an insult for horror and mystery genres. Drama... yes, it is, and an extremely sick one too. Subjective impression - movie crew should be hospitalized in a mental institution (starting with the writer and director) together with those who honestly and deeply enjoyed watching it. It would be 1/10, but the leading actress is good and the end has a trace of sense and brains.
3/10 - DirectorLars von TrierStarsWillem DafoeCharlotte GainsbourgStorm Acheche SahlstrømA grieving couple retreat to their cabin in the woods, hoping to repair their broken hearts and troubled marriage, but nature takes its course and things go from bad to worse.Self-absorbed boring nothingness aka Tarkovsky is turning in his grave
Even before this film, I knew that Lars von Trier is a weirdo, and yet I was surprised how far he is willing to go in combining sick and boring. Quality acting and directing are worthless when the movie is just plain self-indulgence of a pretentious narcissus. It was a gruesome effort to watch this insane and insulting idiocy to the end, and, after I already spent two hours on it, I refuse to spend two more on bashing it. Especially when someone has already done it in a very impressive way. Just read the review of Luket or some of the others who rated it one or two out of ten.
2/10
"It is with some regret that I have decided to spend time reviewing Von Trier's 'Antichrist'. I am, by nature a curious film watcher, and will, at times, succumb to temptation and reserve a couple of hours to cast my own opinion, when a film creates ample controversy. Thus far my curiosity, across the spectrum has been met with, elation and disappointment in equal measure.
This is, and I make no apologies for this statement, a truly terrible film. I was hoping to read the user comments and be satisfied that it was met with the utter indifference and loathing that followed my own viewing and was genuinely shocked with the ridiculous ratings that have been pulled from the posteriors of those who mistakenly interpreted this dull and pointless movie as high art.
Given that the acting was by no means sub-par (Dafoe was very good as a husband/psychiatrist torn between his professional disposition and the demons of his relationship with his wife; and Gainsbourg was nothing if not committed to the role of a postnatally depressed lunatic) and the cinematography was at times excellent, it should give you some idea of how bad this movie was.
One review entitled 'Canonical Sermon, Classical Hero Journey, Numeric Elegance and Name of The Beast' offered an academic dissection of the movie...referencing the film's numerical balance and some other contextual information that completely fails to justify the relevance and poor execution of this movie, which in principle, before pen hit paper, may have carried some merit and proved to be a dark and disturbing study of the human/inhuman condition.
So, let me 'break it down' without offering insight where there is none or jumping on board the 'Turner Prize' high-art mindset that has corrupted modern art finding thought and intellect in the explicit and mundane.
Firstly: This is NOT a balanced movie, no matter how Von Trier cuts the film into chapters. A nice prologue, followed by over an hour of self-absorbed boring nothingness (aside from the revelation of child cruelty), climaxing in a violent last 10 minutes that arrived way too late for me to care about the resolution. Simply put, it is quite an achievement to bore someone to the point that genital mutilation, the ejaculation of blood the image of a wife fingering a freshly drilled hole in her husband's leg does not leave them shocked or a little sick; and yet I was so paralyzed by boredom that I was rendered immune to the horrors depicted on the television in front of me.
It is all very well dissecting this movie for its symbolism and I am sure that for an academic essay it provides the necessary 'meat' for some critical analysis, but seriously, why to bother when as a film, as a piece of entertainment, this movie fails at its most basic level.
I have watched interviews with the cast, who really don't seem to understand the movie and listened to drivel about how this was a product of Lars' depression. The reality is that 'controversy' is the most marketable aspect of the film and one has to question the misogynistic stance/intentions of the movie. I am not a fan of feminism as it has moved beyond equality but it certainly wouldn't be too late to question Von Trier's relationship to the fairer sex, both in the context of this movie and his work as a whole.
Imbalanced and a cry for attention; a cheap snub of mainstream Hollywood that craves the attention Von Trier claims to shun; or a failed art-house movie that owes its substance and form to antiquated intellectual study that it fails to properly address and far superior 'cabin in the woods' movies that it does not get close to matching... Take your pick of which best describes this terrible film.
If you want cabin horror, watch 'Evil Dead'. if you like dark and harrowing try 'requiem for a dream'. There has been some talk as to the meaning of 'Antichrist' in the context of this movie. I can say with some certainty that it refers to the pure evil that stole 2 hours of my life last week. Damn you, Lars Von Trier, you are an idiot." - luket - DirectorTom SixStarsDieter LaserWinter WilliamsAshlynn YennieA mad scientist kidnaps and mutilates a trio of tourists in order to reassemble them into a human centipede, created by stitching their mouths to each others' rectums.Human Centipede Trilogy
The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)
A mad scientist kidnaps three people and turns them into human centipede by sewing the mouths of the third and second person in a row to the anuses of the second and the first. I think that this description alone is enough for you to see how this thing is not worth your time. I honestly have no idea what made me watch it and, even worse, what madness came into me to make me watch both sequels after I already saw how disastrous this is. This is in every aspect, essential and technical, complete crap. On my scale, the 1/10 is a movie that I did not manage to see through, the 2/10 is a movie I finished with superhuman effort, so I will rate this crap
3/10
The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011)
The fan of the first film decides to surpass a crazy doctor and connect twelve people. This film is slightly less crap than the original.
4/10
The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence) (2015)
Inspired by the previous films, the warden of a notorious prison decides to bring his unbearable prisoners in line ... literally. Human centipede grows to 500 members. To be honest, this one is also complete crap, but I must admit that it is somewhat amusing.
4/10 - DirectorNick SimonStarsKal PennClaudia LeeKenny WormaldA bored young woman in the sleepy community of Spearfish starts receiving photographs of brutally murdered young women. Are they real or staged? The culprit is either a serial killer or some creep with a sick sense of humor.Anything would be more interesting
If you are bored to death and you have no slightest idea what to do with yourself, then you could maybe consider watching this movie. Actually... no. Better observe your walls, there must be some interesting bug stains or something. I mean... something this much useless and unprovoked is rare to find...
3/10
…and even that much only because there are some cute girls in it. - DirectorEthan CoenJoel CoenStarsJosh BrolinGeorge ClooneyAlden EhrenreichA Hollywood fixer in the 1950s works to keep the studio's stars in line.Waste of film tape
IMDb says: comedy, mystery, 6.4, Coen brothers, a bunch of big names...
Respectively... The movie is not funny. Not only that it fails to be funny, but I think it was not meant to be funny at all. Mystery, not even in the broadest meaning of the word. Coen brothers, probably their worst movie. And that bunch of famous actors appear just in few brief scenes in completely unimportant supporting roles and their stories are not even touching, let alone intertwine.
The movie follows a day in the life of a Hollywood problem solver and it has no central story, no plot, no culmination, no denouement, characters are two-dimensional, no emotions, no message, nothing at all. Nicely filmed though, but totally and absolutely redundant and immensely boring.
I would like to quote one of the comments I saw on IMDb:
"HAIL, CAESAR?! HAIL, NO!!!"
2/10 - DirectorNicolas Winding RefnStarsElle FanningChristina HendricksKeanu ReevesAn aspiring model, Jesse, is new to Los Angeles. However, her beauty and youth, which generate intense fascination and jealousy within the fashion industry, may prove themselves sinister.Don't do it to yourself
Warning: Spoilers
Sixteen years old girl, all alone in the world, has only one possession, extreme natural beauty. So she goes to LA to become a model. She goes up in the fashion world very fast because she is natural while her competition is products of plastic surgery and makeup. Of course, she becomes arrogant after a while. Everyone falls in love with her and everyone wants to hire her because she has that "something" no one else has. That's why her jealous colleagues decide to kill and eat her hoping that they'll take over that "something" from her. A lesbian makeup artist who fixes up corpses in a morgue is in love with her so she has fantasies of her while making love to corpses. One of the models throws up her eye and then kills herself. The other one picks up the eye and eats it again. I hope I talked you out of making the same mistake I made and waste two hours of your lives on this crap.
Visually, this is well done, original and interesting, but the directing is lousy, the acting is bad, the music is irritating, the story is retarded, the movie is boring, painfully stupid and completely redundant. If the author was hoping to bring us the message and give a statement about the fashion industry he failed in that attempt. Complete nonsense. I would rate it even lower if the visual side was not so impressive.
3/10 - DirectorJeremy M. InmanStarsJohnny Rey DiazChristina LicciardiLindsay SawyerWhen a supernatural cult threatens Earth, Alice must assemble a team of fairy tale villains to face the literal forces of Death.What is seen cannot be unseen
If they picked up a dozen of random teenagers from the street and gave them 24 hours to make the movie using just cellphone and home computer, the result would be much better for sure. Story... I saw porn movies with a much better story than this one. Acting... may I even call it acting...Fantasy/Sci-Fi without CGI and with traces of costumes and makeup that look like they were created by 5 years old. It is completely unbelievable to me that someone made this crap, even more confusing why would anyone agree to act in it, and the most unbelievable of all is that any theater or TV station was ready to show it. This is probably the worst piece of crap I ever sa... tried to watch. I gave up after about 20 minutes and I never do that. I am ashamed that I watched even that much, and how makers and actors of this live with themselves after doing it... I really do not understand.
0/10 - DirectorSteven SoderberghStarsSteven SoderberghScott AllenBetsy BrantleyFletcher Munson, the lethargic employee of a pseudo-religious self help company, and his doppelganger, the friendly but dull dentist Dr. Jeffrey Korchek.Unwatchable
I get the idea behind this movie and I must acknowledge few really ingenious dialogues and monologues, but overall, the movie is almost completely unwatchable. It is satire so technically speaking it is a comedy, but it is not funny or entertaining at all. It's just plain boring. It is obvious that movie is done by someone very smart who has many things to say, but who is at the same time so self-involved in own smartness that he made this movie understandable only to himself. The movie is unwatchable, both in the story and in an aspect of technical realization. It is extremely rare, but it happened - I gave up on this movie before the end. I did it just a few times in my life, gave up on single digit number of movies out of thousands I saw so far. But I could not force myself to see this through. This is one of those things that remind me that life is too short to waste it on literally every crap I run into. I'm sorry to do this because I can tell that basic idea was awesome in authors had, but he terribly failed to make something good out of it. So I must rate it
1/10 - DirectorColin StrauseGreg StrauseStarsReiko AylesworthSteven PasqualeShareeka EppsWarring Alien and Predator races descend on a rural Colorado town, where unsuspecting residents must band together for any chance of survival.It bored me so much that I have no inspiration even to criticize it...
2,5/10
Golden Schmoes Awards 2007. - Biggest Disappointment of the Year - 2nd place.
Razzie Awards 2008. - nominated for Worst Prequel or Sequel and for Worst Excuse for a Horror Movie. - DirectorGeorge PavlouStarsDenholm ElliottSteven BerkoffLarry LambWhen high class hooker Nicole is kidnapped from her brothel, Rich businessman Hugo Motherskille hires her ex love Roy Bain to find her.Although you can clearly feel spirit of Clive barker, this is most probably the worst flick he was involved with. Idea is decent, but story is poorly developed, acting is lousy, directing terrible and music completely inadequate. There are movies that are so bad they are good, but this one is not one of those. It's not even funny, not even slightly. Simply complete catastrophe.
2,5/10 - DirectorRichard KellyStarsDwayne JohnsonSarah Michelle GellarSeann William ScottDuring a three-day heat wave just before a huge 4th of July celebration, an action star stricken with amnesia meets up with a porn star who is developing her own reality TV project, and a policeman who holds the key to a vast conspiracy.I barely forced myself to watch it till the end. First time I thought about giving up was after maybe ten minutes or so, and that urge didn't left me throughout the rest of the movie. It mostly looks like bunch of piled up random pretentious crap that leads nowhere. Here and there you can see something interesting, but overall movie is pointless and boring. I endured to the end only because it was written and directed by author of great Donnie Darko, so I hoped it could be one more mindfak movie that pays off at the end. Yes, it was another mindfak and at the end I understood it, but wasting two and a half hours on this nonsense definitely didn't pay off. It's unbelievably stupid and the only thing in it worth seeing are Buffy the Vampire Slayer and several more interesting women.
2/10 - DirectorAl AdamsonSamuel M. ShermanStarsJ. Carrol NaishLon Chaney Jr.Zandor VorkovDracula conspires with a mad doctor to resurrect the Frankenstein Monster.Frank Zappa joined KISS vs. Frankenstein
Every decade has its own specific atmosphere. As B production of the 1980s is recognizable at first glance, so the atmosphere of this film is simply screaming 1970s. They say this film is so bad it's good. I wouldn't agree. Although the idea is quite original and the story is somewhat decent, this is an extremely cheap, amateur-directed and mounted movie and acting is terrible. One of those movies where the boobs of main actress are the only thing worth watching, and since you will not see them, better skip.
2,5/10
Pictures of Panda-Dracula, a formless mass that should represent Frankenstein's monster and the most explicit view of Regina Carrol's tits you can easily find on Google Pictures, so you'll know what I'm talking about. - DirectorJavier AguirreStarsPaul NaschyRosanna YanniHaydée PolitoffThe Transylvanian vampire searches for a virgin sacrifice to resurrect his long-dead daughter.This film is just an excuse for several beautiful women to show their breasts. Its stupid trashy script, unconvincing and dull acting, boring direction, poor editing and cheap production made it probably the worst and sleaziest Dracula movie to date. If you decide to watch it because of boobs, I'll spare you the agony of watching whole damn thing. Just watch from 0.50.30 to 0.51.40. to see two female vampires sucking blood from the tits of the third and skip everything else.
2/10
"Vampires, bad acting, poor editing, etc.
maxrenn-934-60219126
June 2011
Oh dear god! I can't believe how bad this was. Where shall I begin? I'll start with the atrocious dubbing if you don't mind. It's a joke. there's no emotion in the dubbing whatsoever. I had to laugh when Dracula says "I'm the happiest man in the world." In a tone more suited for a sentence like "I can't find my keys."
Also, Dracula speaks in this mind-numbing, monotonous voice for the whole movie! It's like listening to someone read mass.
What about the plot you may ask. There isn't one. Just a random series of events: shots of day becoming night, scenes of people walking down empty corridors for what seems an eternity. Absolutely horrendous! The only reason this movie was made was to show tits. I was screaming at the film to end after the 50 mins mark, it's just so goddamn, dull. After watching it through however I can safely say two things. 1)This is easily the worst movie ever made. 2) I'd like to have met Mr. Paul Naschy before he died. So I could kick his ******* ass." - DirectorJesús FrancoStarsCarmen YazaldeAnne LibertAlberto DalbésLuisa visits her dying mother at Karlstein Castle. Before she dies, she tells Luisa that the Karlsteins are a family of vampires and that her ancestor, the original Count Karlstein, lies buried in the crypt.Good chicks in a bad movie (aka smeće kakvo se retko sreće)
Some actresses are able to somewhat save some bad movies with their mesmerizing beauty, but this lesbian soft-porn, clumsily masked as horror about Dracula, is so bad that it couldn't be saved even by sex scene between Jessica Alba and Charlize Theron. I could get over the fact that vampires in the movie don't have any issues with daylight, but if somebody told me that a scene in which camera slides down the naked body of a beautiful woman could be boring I would think he's crazy. If you are a fan of horror, Dracula or good soft-porn, avoid this misery in a wide arc, but if you want to watch five minutes of to blur zoomed tongue and a nipple this is the right movie for you.
3/10 - DirectorLuis BuñuelStarsJean-Claude BrialyAdolfo CeliMichel PiccoliA series of surreal sequences that critique morality and society in a stream of consciousness style.I suppose this film falls under what is called a "comedy of absurd". Absurd it certainly is, but not a bit funny. Something like Monty Python, but terribly bad. This is one of the most pretentious, stupidest and most boring things I had the misfortune to see and I admire myself that I endured to the end. And to prevent the comments that I did not understand it - yes, I did understand it very well, but I still think that this film is overrated garbage.
2/10 - DirectorAnthony C. FerranteStarsIan ZieringTara ReidCassandra ScerboFin has to go back in time to rejoin his shark-battling friends to stop the first Sharknado and save humanity.Ready to blow my mind?
One can go over the top only so far before it becomes completely ridiculous. Honestly, I doubted that even the second movie could be good and I deeply admire creators for being able to come this far. But after the fourth they really should have quit. The fifth I could forgive, but this crap is definitely unforgivable. The idea is not so bad and the movie is full of interesting references to a bunch of historical figures and events, as well as some cult movies (Back to the Future, The Planet of the Apes), but overall impression this movie leaves is as lousy as it can be. Everything from the script, through acting directing and special effects, is unbelievably terrible and boring. So far this was my favorite movie franchise, but after this, and especially its ending, which is one of the worst endings ever, I really hope they won't make fools of themselves anymore. If you liked previous Sharknados, skip this crap and preserve them in good memory.
2/10 - DirectorSteve BinderDavid AcombaStarsMickey MortonPatty MaloneyPaul GaleChewbacca and Han Solo try to get to the Wookiee homeworld of Kashyyyk to celebrate Life Day, but are impeded by an Imperial blockade. Chewie's family passes the time with various forms of entertainment."It is so awful it makes an Ed Wood film look like Casablanca."
Although it gathers the original cast, "The Star Wars Holiday Special" concentrates on Chewbacca and his family, a great part of the film is in the Wookiee language without subtitles, and the boring "story" and horrible production leave the impression of lousy parody rather than an addition or homage to the legendary franchise. I will take the liberty to go a step further and compare this garbage with "Teletubbies". If you truly love "Star Wars", this ass of a movie will abundantly crap onto your heart and soul, so I advise you to avoid two hours of agony and spend that time reading IMDb reviews, which are mostly quite original, imaginative and occasionally hilarious. Here are some examples:- Do not watch this alone! Like any other emotional trauma, the support of friends is crucial to survival. By the end, you will either want to climb a steeple with a rifle, or go into the garage and start the car.
- It has to be seen to be believed, but do you really even want to?
- It isn't a train wreck- it moves too slowly.
- Don't talk to me about Episode I until you've seen this unholy mess.
- George Lucas has been quoted as saying: If he had the time, he would break every existing VHS-copy of this movie.
- "I felt a great disturbance in The Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened." Yes, Obi-Wan, we all felt it.
- Oh Harrison, oh Mark, oh Carrie... how could you?
- I watched most of the program with my mouth hanging wide open in utter disbelief. I still recommend watching the film if only to say that you have.
- Took me a whole day as well, because it's hard to watch more than 5 minutes at a time.
- Those that have looked into the abyss that is the "Star Wars Holiday Special" are brave indeed.
- The opening scene...in which we watch Chewbacca's family shamble about aimlessly making unintelligible Wookie noises...lasts for seventeen and a half hours. The clock may say fifteen minutes; the clock lies.
- It goes on...and on...and on...and, at some point, you discover that you're weeping uncontrollably and can't stop.
- In the name of all that's holy: turn back before it's too late.
- CBS could have beamed this program to Alderaan and destroyed said planet just as easily as Vader destroyed it with the Death Star.
- May the force be with you if you're watching this, because you're going to need all the strength you can get.
- Your perception of the Star Wars Universe will never be the same!
0/10 - DirectorPanos CosmatosStarsNicolas CageAndrea RiseboroughLinus RoacheThe enchanted lives of a couple in a secluded forest are brutally shattered by a nightmarish hippie cult and their demon-biker henchmen, propelling a man into a spiraling, surreal rampage of vengeance."When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead."
As a great fan of Nicolas Cage, I could not resist seeing this achievement, although I knew that he's only shooting nonsense lately. But this nonsense has overcome all that precede it. As if David Lynch on hallucinogenic drugs has tried to shoot slasher horror. The originality, imagination, interesting cinematographic solutions and good acting are wasted on the film dull and boring that it's barely watchable. These two hours of life I can't ever get back, and therefore I do not want to spend a minute more on writing a more detailed review.
2/10 - DirectorMichael Hamilton-WrightStarsLance HenriksenChelse SwainPhilippe BergeronA teenager girl mistakenly downloads the Mangler 2.0 computer virus into her highschool's new state of the art computer system and all hell breaks loose."Useless piece of American garbage"
Seven years after the rather good adaptation of King "The Mangler", director Tobe Hooper refused to direct the "sequel". It is not surprising, because such a scenario would be rejected by anyone who has any self-respect. The movie is at least a class below the worst installments of the "Scary Movie" franchise, without being a parody, but a film that takes itself seriously. It is so bad and in such a way that it cannot pass either as "so bad it is good" or as a guilty pleasure. This is just plain and simple miserable on all fronts, to the point of exhaustion, and accompanied by unbearably irritating music. Right now I can't think of a single movie that has a worse soundtrack. Do I even need to mention that it has nothing to do with King... Ok, the girls aren't that bad (one is half-naked for almost the whole movie), but everything else is. Why Lance Henriksen agreed to play in this movie and how this script was even approved for production is beyond me. It says Horror/Sci-Fi... true, it's fantastically scary how I wasted an hour and a half of my life.
2,5/10 - DirectorHarold P. WarrenStarsTom NeymanJohn ReynoldsDiane AdelsonA family gets lost on the road and stumbles upon a hidden, underground, devil-worshiping cult led by the fearsome Master and his servant Torgo.Not the worst, not even close
I have repeatedly come across comments that "Manos" is the worst movie ever. How can you resist and not see it for yourself? Even though I'm very poor with my free time and choosing what to spend it on, I couldn't resist my curiosity. I watched it, it's bad, very bad, but nowhere near the worst. I've seen a couple of thousand movies and some were quite worse than this one.
Basically, the idea and the script aren't that bad at all, the problem is that it was shot totally amateurishly, with an obviously ridiculous budget and equipment, by people who barely knew what they were doing. It's as if someone without any film experience filmed a home movie for the fun of it. It could pass as the first attempt at a feature film by first-year students, but mostly it looks to me like a recording of a theatrical performance of some amateur theater. Seen from the latter perspective, it is not so catastrophically bad. I wouldn't even rule out the possibility that it was done that way on purpose, because at times it has a vibe of a misunderstood art.
All in all, "Manos" is a very bad movie, but it's not bad enough to deserve the cult status of the worst, nor is it bad in the way that some movies turn the game around and fall into the "so bad it's good" category. Any way you look at it, it's a waste of time.
3/10