Never Get Old
No matter how many times I watch these, I still laugh just as hard as the first time I saw them.
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- DirectorBarry LevinsonStarsRobin WilliamsForest WhitakerTom T. TranIn 1965, an unorthodox and irreverent DJ named Adrian Cronauer begins to shake up things when he is assigned to the U.S. Armed Services radio station in Vietnam.Adrian Cronauer: You are in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history.
- DirectorNegin FarsadDean ObeidallahStarsLewis BlackScott BlakemanDavid CrossComedians Negin Farsad and Dean Obeidallah lead an all-star Muslim comedy performing in big cities, small towns, liberal enclaves, conservative hotbeds, rural and everything in between to explore the issue of Islamophobia. Watch them onstage as they hilariously challenge racial, gender and religious stereotypes. With added humor by Jon Stewart, David Cross and Lewis Black.Negin Farsad: We want to reach out and give america this big muslim hug, 'yea just bring it in'.
- DirectorFrank OzStarsMatthew MacfadyenPeter DinklageEwen BremnerChaos ensues when a man tries to expose a dark secret regarding a recently deceased patriarch of a dysfunctional British family.Uncle Alfie: [on the roof, naked and high] Everything's so *beep* green.
- DirectorJonathan DaytonValerie FarisStarsSteve CarellToni ColletteGreg KinnearA family determined to get their young daughter into the finals of a beauty pageant take a cross-country trip in their VW bus.Pageant Official Jenkins: [outraged at Olive's talent act] What is your daughter doing?
Richard: She's kickin' ass... that's what she's doing. - DirectorMel BrooksStarsGene WilderMadeline KahnMarty FeldmanAn American grandson of the infamous scientist, struggling to prove that his grandfather was not as insane as people believe, is invited to Transylvania, where he discovers the process that reanimates a dead body.Inspector Kemp: Vee had better confeerm de fect dat Yunk Frankenshtein iss indeed VALLOWING EEN EES GANDFADDA'S VOOTSHTAPS.
Villagers: What? - DirectorEthan CoenJoel CoenStarsBrad PittFrances McDormandGeorge ClooneyA disk containing mysterious information from a CIA agent ends up in the hands of two unscrupulous and daft gym employees who attempt to sell it.Osbourne Cox: I have a drinking problem? *beep* you, Peck, you're a Mormon. Compared to you we ALL have a drinking problem!
- DirectorTerry JonesStarsGraham ChapmanJohn CleeseMichael PalinBorn on the original Christmas in the stable next door to Jesus Christ, Brian of Nazareth spends his life being mistaken for a messiah.Brian: I am NOT the Messiah!
Arthur: I say you are Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few. - DirectorChris ColumbusStarsRobin WilliamsSally FieldPierce BrosnanAfter a bitter divorce, an actor disguises himself as a female housekeeper to spend time with his children held in custody by his former wife.Mrs. Doubtfire: Off your Mercedes, dear, you own that big expensive car out there? Oh, dear. Well, they say a man who has to buy a big car like that is trying to compensate for smaller genitals.
- DirectorMel BrooksStarsCleavon LittleGene WilderSlim PickensIn order to ruin a western town, a corrupt politician appoints a black Sheriff, who promptly becomes his most formidable adversary.Bart: Mornin', ma'am. And isn't it a lovely mornin'?
Elderly Woman: Up yours, *beep* - DirectorJared HessStarsJon HederEfren RamirezJon GriesA listless and alienated teenager decides to help his new friend win the class presidency in their small western high school, while he must deal with his bizarre family life back home.Napoleon Dynamite: I caught you a delicious bass.
- DirectorWes AndersonStarsBill MurrayOwen WilsonAnjelica HustonWith a plan to exact revenge on a legendary shark that killed his partner, oceanographer Steve Zissou (Bill Murray) rallies a crew that includes his estranged wife, a journalist, and a man who may or may not be his son.Steve Zissou: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.
- DirectorTerry GilliamTerry JonesStarsGraham ChapmanJohn CleeseEric IdleKing Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table embark on a surreal, low-budget search for the Holy Grail, encountering many, very silly obstacles.King Arthur: On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.
- DirectorMel BrooksStarsZero MostelGene WilderDick ShawnA stage-play producer devises a plan to make money by producing a sure-fire flop.Max Bialystock: Shut up, I'm having a rhetorical conversation.
- DirectorAmy HeckerlingStarsSean PennJennifer Jason LeighJudge ReinholdA group of Southern California high school students are enjoying their most important subjects: sex, drugs and rock n' roll.Mr. Hand: What are you, people? On dope?
- DirectorWoody AllenStarsWoody AllenDiane KeatonTony RobertsAlvy Singer, a divorced Jewish comedian, reflects on his relationship with ex-lover Annie Hall, an aspiring nightclub singer, which ended abruptly just like his previous marriages.Annie Hall: It's so clean out here.
Alvy Singer: That's because they don't throw their garbage away, they turn it into television shows. - DirectorMel BrooksStarsCary ElwesRichard LewisRoger ReesA spoof of Robin Hood in general, and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) in particular.The Hangman: Let's see, are you about a 16, 16 1/2?
[mimics hanging himself, then hums as he selects a noose and places it around Robin's neck]
The Hangman: There.
Robin Hood: It's a little tight.
The Hangman: That's the idea. Would you care for a blind fold? - DirectorKevin SmithStarsBrian O'HalloranJeff AndersonMarilyn GhigliottiA day in the lives of two convenience clerks named Dante and Randal as they annoy customers, discuss movies, and play hockey on the store roof.Dante Hicks: I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages. Working on my day off, the goddamn steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward ass *beep* on the planet. I smell like shoe polish. My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after *beep* a dead guy. And my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks.
Randal Graves: 37. - DirectorLarry CharlesStarsSacha Baron CohenKen DavitianLuenellKazakh TV talking head Borat is dispatched to the United States to report on the greatest country in the world.Borat: You telling me the man who try to put a rubber fist in my anus was a homosexual?
- DirectorTom ShadyacStarsRobin WilliamsDaniel LondonMonica PotterThe true story of a heroic man, Hunter "Patch" Adams, determined to become a medical doctor because he enjoys helping people. He ventured where no doctor had ventured before, using humour and pathos.Hunter Patch Adams: We can head on down to the maternity ward. You know those chicks put out.
- DirectorJoel CoenEthan CoenStarsJeff BridgesJohn GoodmanJulianne MooreJeff "The Dude" Lebowski, mistaken for a millionaire of the same name, seeks restitution for his ruined rug and enlists his bowling buddies to help get it.Walter Sobchak: That's right, Dude, they peed on your *beep* rug.
- DirectorMel BrooksStarsMel BrooksGregory HinesDom DeLuiseMel Brooks brings his one-of-a-kind comic touch to the history of mankind covering events from the Old Testament to the French Revolution in a series of episodic comedy vignettes.Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
Comicus: Stand-up philosopher.
Dole Office Clerk: What?
Comicus: Stand-up philosopher. I coalesce the vapors of human experience into a viable and meaningful comprehension.
Dole Office Clerk: Oh, a *beep* artist! - DirectorCharles ChaplinStarsCharles ChaplinPaulette GoddardJack OakieDictator Adenoid Hynkel tries to expand his empire while a poor Jewish barber tries to avoid persecution from Hynkel's regime.Commander Shutz: Can you fly a plane?
A Jewish Barber: I can certainly try... - DirectorJohn LandisStarsJohn BelushiDan AykroydCab CallowayJake Blues rejoins with his brother Elwood after being released from prison, but the duo has just days to reunite their old R&B band and save the Catholic home where the two were raised, outrunning the police as they tear through Chicago.Elwood: It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it. - DirectorJim AbrahamsDavid ZuckerJerry ZuckerStarsRobert HaysJulie HagertyLeslie NielsenAfter the crew becomes sick with food poisoning, a neurotic ex-fighter pilot must safely land a commercial airplane full of passengers.Mrs. Geline: I haven't felt this awful since we saw that Ronald Reagan film.
- DirectorWes AndersonStarsGene HackmanGwyneth PaltrowAnjelica HustonThe eccentric members of a dysfunctional family reluctantly gather under the same roof for various reasons.[Pagoda stabs Royal]
Royal: That's the last time you put a knife in me! Y'hear me?