Best scene in a bad movie
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- DirectorStephen KingStarsEmilio EstevezPat HingleLaura HarringtonA group of people try to survive when machines start to come alive and become homicidal.Softball practice. Softens ya up with the soda machine, then it knocks you flat with a steamroller. Bad, bad movie. Crazy fucking scene.
- DirectorChris ThomsonStarsTimothy BusfieldBrenda BakkeAidan DevineAliens arrive, parking in a geostationary orbit over Nevada. Using powers unknown to us, they declare war, and use unmanned trucks as weapons.Mailman gets got by a Tonka truck. Hellz yeah.
- DirectorEthan WileyStarsArye GrossJonathan StarkRoyal DanoThe new owner of a sinister house gets involved with reanimated corpses and demons searching for an ancient Aztec skull with magic powers.Bill Towner, electrician and adventurer. ‘Nuff said.
- DirectorSam FirstenbergStarsLucinda DickeyAdolfo QuinonesMichael ChambersA developer tries to bulldoze a community recreation center. The local breakdancers try to stop it.Hospital scene. This is a fun movie, though rarely quite in the way it’s meant to be. The closest it gets to the sublime suspension of disbelief, to that musical sweet spot where we’re dancing on the ceiling, is during a trip to the hospital. The scene where Boogaloo Shrimp actually dances on the ceiling is stiff, performative, self-satisfied, with no spark, no joy. But as the nurses do stripper dances in the hallway, surgeons pop and lock, and the power of music brings a dead man back to life, that joy abounds.
- DirectorJonathan HensleighStarsThomas JaneJohn TravoltaSamantha MathisAn undercover FBI agent becomes a vigilante and sets out to unleash his wrath upon the corrupt businessman who slaughtered his entire family at a reunion.The Russian goon in a striped shirt beating Castle to a pulp. A rare moment of fun in this dour actioner.
- DirectorLee HarryStarsEric FreemanJames NewmanElizabeth KaitanThe now-adult Ricky talks to a psychiatrist about how he became a murderer after his brother, Billy, died, which leads back to Mother Superior.Yes, it’s garbage day.
- DirectorPatty JenkinsStarsGal GadotChris PineKristen WiigDiana must contend with a colleague, and with a businessman whose desire for extreme wealth sends the world down a path of destruction, after an ancient artifact that grants wishes goes missing.Cheesy as hell, and the effects are dodgy as usual, but the mall heist is the movie at its best, light, funny, and fun, with lots of energy. For a moment, it has the feel of a good, or halfway decent, 80’s movie.
- DirectorGeorge PavlouStarsDavid DukesKelly PiperHugh O'ConorAn ancient creature called Rawhead is awakened from its slumber near an Irish village and goes on a rampage killing anyone in sight.Not a bad movie per se, at least not in my opinion, but tremendously elevated by a single scene. That would be the one where the verger in Rawhead’s thrall meets him for a tender rendezvous in the parish graveyard. The verger falls to his knees, ecstatic, tearing open his cassock, and Rawhead grimly ejaculates on the man’s exposed chest. Or maybe he pees on him; it’s not clear which, as nobody’s in a good position to ask. What, it’s not like that would be any better.
- DirectorRalph S. SingletonStarsDavid AndrewsKelly WolfStephen MachtIn a very old textile mill with a serious rat infestation, deadly accidents start happening, but the corrupt foreman continues to put his workers in danger, until they discover a horrifying secret deep in the basement.Opening scene is pretty great. Does a great job establishing setting: a grim, hot, filthy textile mill overrun with rats. A worker is feeding raw cotton into a machine, and all of a sudden the rats, emboldened, are congregated to watch him. Really eerie. The more we see the monster throughout the movie the less scary it is, unfortunately, and the film can’t reach this level of dread again.
- DirectorLew LehmanStarsSammy SnydersJeannie EliasSonja SmitsA solitary and strange preteen boy wreaks revenge on his harassers when he makes a disturbing discovery in the depth of a forest.Mostly this is the pits. But when Jamie’s teddy bear, sitting alone on his bed, turn its head just as the babysitter leaves the room... Chilling stuff.
- DirectorRichard FranklinStarsSusan PenhaligonRobert HelpmannRod MullinarA comatose hospital patient harasses and kills through his powers of telekinesis to claim his private nurse as his own.The heroine’s ex husband comes to the hospital to bring her flowers, and the malfunctioning elevator opens on its own accord to let him in. A great moment of suspense which elevates this schlocky flick from down under.
- DirectorJ. Michael MuroStarsMike LackeyBill ChepilVic NotoA liquor store owner sells alcoholic beverages to homeless people, unaware of what the bottles actually contain: toxic brew.I’m of the opinion that this is actually a pretty good movie. That may be a minority opinion. And it has a lot of wild, deranged moments that one could choose from. But I have to go with the game of keep-away with the severed penis, with Benny Hill type music on the soundtrack.
- DirectorVincenzo NataliStarsNicole de BoerMaurice Dean WintDavid HewlettA group of strangers awaken to find themselves placed in a giant cube. Each one of them is gifted with a special skill and they must work together to escape an endless maze of deadly traps.Hey, what’s the deal with all the good to halfway decent movies on the list? Well buddy, it’s my list, I can put what I want on it. And “Cube” here was released in the US as a Scifi Channel Original Movie, which is the exact opposite of a stamp of quality.
Best scene is easily the opening. Great, great scene, eerie and wordless, with Julian Richings waking up in an empty square room. He finds a portal to another room, nearly identical to the first, and crawls through, when out of nowhere... Well, I oughtn’t spoil things. - DirectorJared HessStarsJack BlackAna de la RegueraHéctor JiménezBerated all his life by those around him, a monk follows his dream and dons a mask to moonlight as a Luchador (Mexican wrestler).Jack Black’s spit take when eating the stew from the orphanage kitchen. I think that was the only time I laughed, but it was a good laugh.
- DirectorRenny HarlinStarsThomas JaneSaffron BurrowsSamuel L. JacksonSearching for a cure to Alzheimer's disease, a group of scientists on an isolated research facility become the prey, as a trio of intelligent sharks fight back.Samuel L’s climactic speech. I get chills every time.
- DirectorBruce PittmanStarsLisa SchrageMichael IronsideWendy LyonThirty years after her accidental death at her 1957 senior prom, the tortured spirit of prom queen Mary Lou Maloney returns to seek revenge.The locker room. Runner up: the pervy rocking horse. Honorable mention for the hacker getting fried. Not a great movie on the whole, but it has some great scenes.
- DirectorMark GoldblattStarsTreat WilliamsJoe PiscopoLindsay FrostA cop is killed investigating a strange case of resurrected corpses. His partner and a pathologist resurrect him, but he only has a limited time before he starts to decompose, and he uses it to chase down the diabolical man who killed him.The butcher shop.
- DirectorWilliam LustigStarsRobert DaviRobert Z'DarCaitlin DulanyA priest practicing the Voodoo arts resurrects Matt Cordell, who takes his badge and comes back from the dead to do his bidding.The climactic chase, with Cordell chasing the heroes in a burning cop car. Definitely the worst Maniac Cop movie, but this is the nuttiest scene in the whole saga.
- DirectorSonny LagunaTommy WiklundStarsThomas LennonJenny PellicerNelson FranklinAll hell breaks loose when a strange force animates the puppets up for auction at a convention, setting them on a bloody killing spree that's motivated by an evil as old as time.A man having a piss is decapitated by a toy robot’s helicopter blades, and his body stands there wobbling, peeing on the head when it falls in the filthy bowl. Man, if this movie could sustain this kind of tone and intensity, I would be all for it. Unfortunately, it does not.
- DirectorHark TsuiStarsJean-Claude Van DammeDennis RodmanMickey RourkeAn international spy teams up with an arms dealer to escape from a penal colony and rescue his family from a terrorist.Some movies start off with their best scene. But “Double Team” has a proper build, and it’s climax is one of the craziest things I have seen in a movie. Bad guy Mickey Rourke is standing on a land mine in the middle of the Roman coliseum when a tiger pounces on him, and Rodman and Van Damme must shelter behind a coke machine to escape the blast. That, my friend, is how you end a goddamn movie.
- DirectorSean MacGregorDavid SheldonStarsSorrell BookeGene EvansTaylor LacherAfter five deranged children are involved in a bus wreck they start killing people at the lodge who insulted them or were rude to them.Piranhas in the bathtub
- DirectorEd HuntStarsLori LethinMelinda CordellJulie BrownThree children are born at the height of an eclipse of the sun. Ten years later, they begin to murder the people around them - even their family members.Attempted vehicular homicide, kiddie-style! Too short to reach the gas pedal? No problem, just bring a friend!
- DirectorLarry CohenStarsFred WilliamsonJulius HarrisGloria HendryA gangster in Harlem must rescue his ex-wife, who has been kidnapped by the Mafia.If you’re at the beach on Coney Island lounging on your favorite Confederate flag beach towel, you best have made your peace with the deity of your choice, because Fred Williamson is ‘bout to impale you with a damn beach umbrella in front of ev’rybody.
- DirectorMichael DoughertyStarsAdam ScottToni ColletteDavid KoechnerA boy who has a bad Christmas accidentally summons a festive demon to his family home.Not a bad flick. Has its share of good moments, some eerie, some outright terrifying, and many that are quite funny, but gotta show some love for David Koechner battling an army of gingerbread men in the kitchen.
- DirectorHarmony KorineStarsVanessa HudgensSelena GomezAshley BensonFour college girls hold up a restaurant in order to fund their spring break vacation. While partying, drinking, and taking drugs, they are arrested, only to be bailed out by a drug and arms dealer.James Franco, decked out in a grill and dreadlocks as gangster Alien, sits at a white piano with a sunset off the Florida shore behind him and gives a moving performance of “Everytime” by Britney Spears while the spring breakers, each in a pink balaclava, dance and pirouette with their shotguns. There is no way to describe this movie without it sounding utterly ridiculous, nor this scene.
- DirectorLewis JacksonStarsBrandon MaggartJeffrey DeMunnDianne HullA toy factory worker, mentally scarred as a child upon learning Santa Claus is not real, suffers a nervous breakdown after being belittled at work, and embarks on a Yuletide killing spree.I was a little on the fence about this one until the ending.
Too much good stuff on this list. Gotta trim... the muscle, I guess, since this list should be pure fat. - DirectorStephen HerekStarsKeanu ReevesAlex WinterGeorge CarlinTwo rock-'n-rolling teens, on the verge of failing their class, set out on a quest to make the ultimate school history report after being presented with a time machine.Napoleon at the Waterloo
- DirectorManny CotoStarsLarry DrakeHolly Marie CombsCliff De YoungA madman who believes he's a doctor comes to the town where his crazy father was killed, and soon begins murdering people and becoming infatuated with a teenage girl who has a heart condition.The hall of mirrors, where Dr Giggles stalks our heroes and throttles a victim with an incongruously large bandaid.
- DirectorPaul W.S. AndersonStarsJason StathamJoan AllenTyrese GibsonEx-con Jensen Ames is forced by the warden of a notorious prison to compete in our post-industrial world's most popular sport: a car race in which inmates must brutalize and kill one another on the road to victory.The big rig shows up and wipes out almost all the remaining contestants, giving things a much needed shot in the arm. And it’s not even the final race!
- DirectorMick GarrisStarsScott GrimesLiane CurtisTerrence MannEggs of the small but voracious alien creatures called Crites are left behind on earth and, after hatching, set their appetites on the small farm town of Grover's Bend.The critters join together into a big rolling ball of death. Highlight of the franchise right there.
- DirectorAmy Holden JonesStarsMichele MichaelsRobin StilleMichael VillellaA female high school student's slumber party turns into a bloodbath, as a newly escaped psychotic serial killer wielding a power drill prowls her neighborhood.What’s in the fridge?
- DirectorChristopher LandonStarsVince VaughnKathryn NewtonCeleste O'ConnorAfter swapping bodies with a deranged serial killer, a high-school senior discovers that she has fewer than 24 hours before the change becomes permanent.The Blissfield Butcher, having traded out bodies from Vince Vaughn to Kathryn Newton, sidles up to a dumb jock at a air hockey table and whispers in his ear, “I can’t wait to kill you.” A rare moment in which the movie realizes the potential of its concept, both comic and horrific.
- DirectorMartin KitrosserStarsWilliam ThorneJane HigginsonVan QuattroAn elderly toy maker and his son make killer toys designed to kill their customers, children.The first death is the best, with a neat killer toy design: a sort of prototype Poke-ball that unfolds into a spherical Santa, sporting first a jolly face, and then a very very menacing glower before it goes in for the kill. Ok, great lead up, but the kill itself isn’t as impressive. And as it so often goes it’s downhill from there.
- DirectorJack HillStarsRobbie LeeJoanne NailMonica GayleThe leader of an inner-city girl gang is challenged when a new girl moves into the neighborhood.Enjoyable exploitation flick. Naturally rather reprehensible by modern sensibilities, with casual depictions of rape, homophobia, etc.
Best scene finds the Dagger Debs and an allied gang ambush rival Crabs at his headquarters, luring him outside by causing a ruckus at one of his phony community benefits then opening up at him with machine gun fire. It’s a great action scene, as the city street erupts into a war zone. At the same time, the Othello-lite plot comes to a head, as new girl Maggie confronts Crabs to learn who set them up at the roller rink fight. - DirectorPaul Michael GlaserStarsArnold SchwarzeneggerMaria Conchita AlonsoYaphet KottoIn a dystopian America, a falsely convicted policeman gets his shot at freedom when he must forcibly participate in a TV game show where convicts, runners, must battle killers for their freedom.The jailbreak, one of the scenes shot by initial director Andrew Davis, is intense, exciting and gruesome, really puts the movie’s best foot forward. From here on out it gets pretty cartoonish.
- DirectorMark A.Z. DippéStarsTory KittlesK.D. AubertChina ChowA genetically-altered fish wreaks havoc on a small fishing town.So, our motley cast of character, at least those who haven’t gotten devoured by giant snakeheads, are trapped on a sinking houseboat, and one of our heroes gets a bright idea about how they can escape. Then a blast from a burning shotgun takes off half her face. This is unquestionably the best moment in Frankenfish.
- DirectorPatrick BriceStarsDemi MooreJessica WilliamsEd HelmsCEO Lucy takes her staff on corporate team building in some underground desert caves in New Mexico. They get stuck there.A suppurating leg wound sings “Toxic” by Britney Spears.
- DirectorWilliam LustigStarsWilliam SmithDavid 'Shark' FralickChristopher OgdenDesert Storm vet who was killed in combat rises from the grave on July Fourth, to kill the unpatriotic citizens of his hometown, after some teens burn an American flag over his burial site.Sam blows up a congressman using the 4th of July fireworks display. When a deputy scrambles to rescue the man Sam is waiting to skewer him with an American flag.
Runner up: the peeper on stilts running away from Sam, a funny scene but one that’s disappointingly inept by exploitation movie workhorse Bill Lustig’s standards. - DirectorRoxanne BenjaminMatt Bettinelli-OlpinDavid BrucknerStarsChad VillellaMatt Bettinelli-OlpinKristina PesicFive interlocking tales of terror follow the fates of a group of weary travellers who confront their worst nightmares - and darkest secrets - over one long night on a desolate stretch of desert highway.Best segment hands down is “The Accident”, a queasily effective piece where a good Samaritan hits someone with his car on a remote stretch of highway, and is coached through some intensive first aid by an increasingly sketchy 911 operator.
- DirectorScott SpiegelStarsKip PardueBrian HallisayJohn HensleyFour men attending a bachelor party in Las Vegas fall prey to the Elite Hunting Club, who are hosting a gruesome game show of torture.First scene. A timid backpacker arrives at his room at a crummy hotel, where he finds, unexpectedly, that he has room mates: a pretty blonde ironing in her underwear and her mercurial boyfriend, who greet him warmly in Eastern European accents. They invite him to join them for a drink, and as the man opens his suitcase we see a knife amongst his belongings. It’s a setup right out of the first movie, and you think the movie is wasting no time getting down to business as usual. And there follows what is easily the best of the movies many convolutions.
- DirectorJordan PeeleStarsDaniel KaluuyaKeke PalmerBrandon PereaThe residents of a lonely gulch in inland California bear witness to an uncanny and chilling discovery.“Nope” is definitely a bit of a mess. Is it a bad movie? I’m loathe to go that far, but definitely a mess, definitely could have been more clear and concise at many points. It has no lack of good scenes, but they tend to mesh poorly.
But something is definitely amiss when the backstory of a tertiary character is the most terrifying plot in a horror movie.
Honorable mention: an inside view of Jean Jacket’s esophagus. - DirectorHenry SelickStarsBrendan FraserBridget FondaJohn TurturroIn a coma, a cartoonist finds himself trapped within his own underground creation and must find a way to get back, while racing against his popular but treacherous character, Monkeybone.Stu escapes the hellish limbo and is reincarnated in the body of a gymnast who has just died of a broken neck. It can rarely be said that Chris Kattan is the highlight of any movie, but here he is, running loose-limbed and bent-necked as Stu pursues his own body, which is now inhabited by his creation Monkeybone, pursued in turn by an angry transplant team hellbent on collecting his organs.
- DirectorMichael A. SimpsonStarsPamela SpringsteenTracy GriffithMichael J. PollardAfter murdering a young girl, Angela Baker assumes her identity and travels to Camp New Horizons, built on the grounds of the camp she terrorized the year before, and starts killing again.Maria Nicastro is a scrappy, street smart NYC gal who we meet as the film begins, waking up the morning she leaves for camp. Only she never even makes it out of town. As Maria walks to her bus stop a garbage truck runs her down, and who should be at the wheel but our old pal Angela, who smushes up Maria in the trash compactor and takes her place. This girl sure loves camping for some reason.
- DirectorAdam MarcusStarsJohn D. LeMayKari KeeganKane HodderSerial killer Jason Voorhees' supernatural origins are revealed.A young lady arrives at a lonesome cabin on the shore of Crystal Lake. When our favorite boogeyman appears, she runs into the woods, and he lumbers after… only to find himself surrounded by a SWAT team laying in wait, who riddle him with bullets and blow him to pieces.