- Polly Hathaway: [Repeated lines] Darling, I love you madly. I cannot live without you. You must never leave me.
- Angelica Embrey: I'm sorry, Bertie, but I've decided that I can't marry you.
- Bertie: Oh, but why? Uh, why the sudden change? I mean to say, dash it.
- Angelica Embrey: You don't come up to specifications.
- Bertie: Specifications? Uuh, what am I, a horse or a silly ass?
- Angelica Embrey: Oh, well I wouldn't say that you were silly.
- Bertie: But my dear, you know, you can't judge a husband in a bathing suit.
- Angelica Embrey: No, but you can get a rough idea.
- Bertie: Ooh.
- [Questioning Reginald Irving]
- Jeffrey Haywood: Have you ever had anything to do with women?
- Reginald Irving: Oh, I used to sell vacuum cleaners.
- Jeffrey Haywood: No no, I mean, have you ever had a love affair with a woman?
- Reginald Irving: Oh, gosh no.
- Jeffrey Haywood: Well, you're going to have.
- Reginald Irving: Oh, I can't. I don't get paid until Saturday.
- Leila Crofton: Well, I should think she'd be able to take one look at you and realize that if you were left alone with a woman... why...
- Reginald Irving: We'd both be safe.
- [pause]
- Reginald Irving: I-I was in a house one time, aaall alone with the most beautiful French maid... and she tried to kiss me. She was baking a pie...
- Leila Crofton: And what did you do?
- Reginald Irving: ...I ate the pie.
- Nita Leslie: Reggie, you wicked, wicked man! Where will I change?
- [Opens the bedroom door]
- Nita Leslie: It looks like a bed!
- Reginald Irving: It is a bed.
- Nita Leslie: Oh, Reggie, I feel so wicked! Reggie, come here. Unhook my dress.
- Nita Leslie: [From behind the bedroom door] Don't you dare come in!
- Reginald Irving: Give me your clothes so I can send them down and have 'em dried.
- Nita Leslie: I'll give you the clothes but don't you dare come in!
- Reginald Irving: She doesn't want me to come in.
- Bell Hop: I noticed that.
- Jeffrey Haywood: Now, when you first get to your room, order some... uh, champagne and broiled lobster.
- Reginald Irving: Champ... Ch... Can't you make it beer?
- Jeffrey Haywood: Beer? Certainly not. Champagne!
- [pause]
- Jeffrey Haywood: C, H, A, M, P, A, uh... oh, well, make it wine. W, I, N, E.
- Reginald Irving: Oh well, what do I call her?
- Jeffrey Haywood: Oh, call her... kid, sweetheart, baby...
- Reginald Irving: Kid, sweetheart, baby.
- Jeffrey Haywood: Uh huh. And then when you're helping her to take off her...
- Reginald Irving: Take off her what?
- Jeffrey Haywood: Wrap!
- Reginald Irving: R, A, P.
- Jeffrey Haywood: No, WRAP! *W*, R, A, P.
- Reginald Irving: Wap?
- Jeffrey Haywood: Wap?... Well, make it coat.
- Reginald Irving: K, O, T, E.
- Nita Leslie: How would you like your husband leaving you every night - for business?
- Angelica Embrey: Are you sure its business?
- Jeffrey Haywood: All right, have it your own way; but, remember, I warned you.
- Angelica Embrey: Warned me? You've intrigued me.
- Jeffrey Haywood: Did you pull it over?
- Impostor Lover: Norma Shearer couldn't have done any better!
- Jeffrey Haywood: Good girl! Here's 50 extra.
- Impostor Lover: Mmm!
- Reginald Irving: Suppose I told you that I'm not the man you think I am and that I don't know these other women? I've never been out with them at all.
- Angelica Embrey: You naughty, naughty boy! As if I believe it. No darling, its not your past I'm worried about. Its your future and your present.
- Angelica Embrey: He is not a nincompoop!
- Leila Crofton: Oh, Angie, my dear, if he were ever left alone in a dark room with a beautiful woman, he'd drop dead.
- Jeffrey Haywood: Say, Angie, what's happened?
- Angelica Embrey: Oh, nothing's happened! That's just it! Why, nothing's ever happened to Reggie! Why, he's not even a man!
- Reginald Irving: Oh, I am too!
- Angelica Embrey: Even Professor Einstein couldn't make me believe that.
- Reginald Irving: Well, what'll I do with this woman while I'm waiting? I'm not much at talkin'.
- Jeffrey Haywood: Oh, well, I'll tell you. Here, I'll draw a diagram for you.
- Jeffrey Haywood: I want to get married next week and you're the one that's going to do it for me.
- Polly Hathaway: Do it for you? Great scott, when a man gets married that's one thing he must do for himself.
- Jeffrey Haywood: I only want you to have supper with him. Will you?
- Polly Hathaway: Well, will he give me a good supper?
- Jeffrey Haywood: Oh, sure! In my room. Its at the Seaside Hotel.
- Jeffrey Haywood: If we can only get Angelica to find her Reggie with another woman...
- Polly Hathaway: Oh, I see!
- Jeffrey Haywood: Looks don't mean anything. Anyone will do.
- Polly Hathaway: Oh, so you picked me! Thanks!
- Jeffrey Haywood: Oh, no, you're such a great scout.
- Polly Hathaway: Yes, I'm Buffalo Bill.
- Jeffrey Haywood: Now, listen, you will register as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.
- Polly Hathaway: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith? Now, I'm Pocahontas.
- Jeffrey Haywood: I better find someone who can put a little pep into a man. Someone with enough "it" to teach a man how to act with a woman.
- Polly Hathaway: Oh, yeah? What is the address of this Seaside Hotel?
- Polly Hathaway: Here it is, now, Seaside Hotel, seven o'clock, approach Reggie and supper. Gee, I love supper. I hope they have meat.
- Nita Leslie: I know what I'll do. I'll raise the Devil! I'm going out with the worst man that I know to do terrible things. And I'm going to let Freddie know about it. Then, he'll have to come back!
- Leila Crofton: Well, after all, dear, it's your own affair. But, don't do anything foolish! Alimony may be easy money, but it don't make up for a lot of lonesome nights.
- Jeffrey Haywood: What's the idea of the golf clubs?
- Reginald Irving: Oh, I thought maybe if Angelica was late, I could practice puttin'.
- Polly Hathaway: What you're supposed to do now is to make love to me!
- Reginald Irving: Where do I begin?
- Polly Hathaway: First, you seize me. One arm around my neck. Comme ci comme ça. Well, come and get this. Are you anchored?
- Polly Hathaway: I'm not supposed to be your maiden aunt. I'm supposed to be the party of the second part in a regular orgy. In a regular orgy! In a kiss! Let me show you a kiss!
- Bell Hop: [Walking in on Reggie, for the third time, after kissing three different women] Oh, he's a Mormon.
- Detective: Where's the body?
- Reginald Irving: What body?
- Detective: Any body!
- Reginald Irving: There isn't anybody here but me.
- Polly Hathaway: Come on now, hurry. I'm tired of this whole thing. I came here for a quiet little supper and what do I get? A shot in the pajamas!
- Jeffrey Haywood: Listen, Polly, we've always been good friends, haven't we?
- Polly Hathaway: Yes. But you're scaring the friendship out of me.
- Jeffrey Haywood: I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll marry Angelica myself.
- Virginia Embrey: What?
- Jeffrey Haywood: Yeah, and then I'll poison her and marry you.
- Virginia Embrey: Where are you going?
- Jeffrey Haywood: Where am I going? To get the poison.
- Reginald Irving: [Offering to pay the farmer for their ride to the hotel on his hay wagon after his car lost a wheel] How much do I owe you?
- Hay wagon driver: Ya think two dollars would be too much?
- Reginald Irving: Yes.
- Hay wagon driver: Well, then give me a dollar.
- Jeffrey Haywood: [to Reginald Irving] I might fix it so she could be the mother of your children.
- [Reginald faints]