The Barber Shop (1933)
W.C. Fields: Cornelius O'Hare
Photos
Quotes
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Cornelius O'Hare : I'm the worst barber in town, my wife can tell you that.
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Customer : What's the dog doing, there?
Cornelius O'Hare : Oh, it's a very funny thing. The other day a man was in here and I was shaving him. The razor skipped, and I cut his ear off. Ever since then, he's been hanging around here for a...
[shoos dog]
Cornelius O'Hare : G'way, g'way, g'way!
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Ronald : Do you know why a load of hay is like a mouse?
Cornelius O'Hare : No, Ronald, I do not. I've never noticed a similarity between a small rodent and a large amount of horse's provender. Why does a small rodent resemble a load of hay?
Ronald : Cause cat'll eat it!
[Laughing]
Cornelius O'Hare : Cat'll eat it. Cattle eat it.
[Recognizing the pun]
Cornelius O'Hare : Very good, Ronald, very...
[Aware of his wife's disapproval]
Cornelius O'Hare : Eat your spinach, eat your spinach, eat your spinach!
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Cornelius O'Hare : Haircut or shave?
Mr. Flood : [laconically] Yeah.
Cornelius O'Hare : I beg your pardon, isn't your name Flugg?
Mr. Flood : Yeah.
Cornelius O'Hare : I thought so. I didn't recognize your face when you first came in.
Mr. Flood : [deadpan] No, it's all healed up since I was in here last.
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Cornelius O'Hare : I used to be a detective once.
Hortense : Really, Mr. O'Hair?
Cornelius O'Hare : Yes, yes.
Hortense : You seem to have been everything!
Cornelius O'Hare : Well, I guess I was. My wife calls me everything.
Mrs. O'Hare : [from an upstairs window] Cornelius!
Cornelius O'Hare : Yes, yes, my will-o-the-wisp?
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Cornelius O'Hare : [shaving a customer] Is that a mole?
Mr. Flood : [nostalgically] Yeah, I've had it all my life.
Cornelius O'Hare : [after some shrill scraping sounds] Won't have it anymore!
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Cornelius O'Hare : [after the unconscious bank robber has landed on him] Let me up! Let me up! Let me up!
[desperately]
Cornelius O'Hare : I didn't try to get ya! I like bandits! Some of my best friends are bandits! The president of the bank comes up to our house!
