Duck Soup (1933)

Margaret Dumont: Gloria Teasdale

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rufus T. Firefly : Not that I care, but where is your husband?

  Mrs. Teasdale : Why, he's dead.

  Rufus T. Firefly : I bet he's just using that as an excuse.

  Mrs. Teasdale : I was with him to the very end.

  Rufus T. Firefly : No wonder he passed away.

  Mrs. Teasdale : I held him in my arms and kissed him.

  Rufus T. Firefly : Oh, I see, then it was murder. Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.

  Mrs. Teasdale : He left me his entire fortune.

  Rufus T. Firefly : Is that so? Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you? I love you.

• Mrs. Teasdale : I've sponsored your appointment because I feel you are the most able statesman in all Freedonia.

  Rufus T. Firefly : Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it - I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

• Mrs. Teasdale : We've been expecting you. As chairwoman of the reception committee, I extend the good wishes of every man, woman, and child of Freedonia.

  Rufus T. Firefly : Never mind that stuff.

  [He takes out a deck of cards] 

  Rufus T. Firefly : Take a card.

  Mrs. Teasdale : [as she takes one]  Card? What will I do with the card?

  Rufus T. Firefly : You can keep it. I've got fifty-one left. Now what were you saying?

• Mrs. Teasdale : Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you.

  Rufus T. Firefly : Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.

• Mrs. Teasdale : As chairman of the reception committee, I welcome you with open arms.

  Rufus T. Firefly : Is that so? How late do you stay open?

• [Firefly and Mrs. Teasdale hear music coming from downstairs] 

  Mrs. Teasdale : What's that?

  Rufus T. Firefly : Sounds to me like mice.

  Mrs. Teasdale : Mice? Mice don't play music.

  Rufus T. Firefly : No? How about the old maestro?

• Mrs. Teasdale : Oh, your Excellency!

  Rufus T. Firefly : You're not so bad yourself.

• Mrs. Teasdale : Your Excellency! I thought you'd left.

  Chicolini : [Impersonating Rufus T. Firefly]  Oh, no, I no leave.

  Mrs. Teasdale : But I saw you with my own eyes!

  Chicolini : Well, who you gonna believe? Me or your own eyes?

• Mrs. Teasdale : Your excellency, the ambassador's here on a friendly visit. He's had a change of heart.

  Rufus T. Firefly : A lot of good that'll do him: he's still got the same face.

  Ambassador Trentino : I'm sorry we lost our tempers; I'm willing to forgot if you are.

  Rufus T. Firefly : Forget? You ask me to forget? A Firefly never forgets. Why, my ancestors would rise from their graves, and I'd only have to bury them again. Nothing doing. I'm going back and clean the crackers out of my bed; I'm expecting company.

• Mrs. Teasdale : The future of Freedonia rest on you. Promise me you'll follow in the footsteps of my husband.

  Rufus T. Firefly : [Direct to the camera]  How do you like that? I haven't been on the job five minutes and already she's making advances to me.

• Rufus T. Firefly : What can this mug offer you? Wealth and family? I can't give you wealth, but - uh - we can have a little family of our own!

  Mrs. Teasdale : Oh, Rufus!

  Rufus T. Firefly : All I can offer you is a roofus over your head.

• Mrs. Teasdale : Oh, I want to present to you Ambassador Trentino of Sylvania. Having him with us today is indeed a great pleasure.

  Ambassador Trentino : Thank you, but I can't stay very long.

  Rufus T. Firefly : That's even a greater pleasure.

• Mrs. Teasdale : I want you to meet a very charming lady.

  Rufus T. Firefly : And it's about time!

• Mrs. Teasdale : Rufus, what are you thinking of?

  Rufus T. Firefly : Oh, I was just thinking of all the years I wasted collecting stamps.

• Rufus T. Firefly : [In walk trumpeters]  More bad news.

  [In walks Mrs. Teasdale] 

  Rufus T. Firefly : Didn't I tell ya.

  Mrs. Teasdale : Your Excellency.

  Rufus T. Firefly : What's on your mind, babe?

• Rufus T. Firefly : Oh, uh, I suppose you would think me a sentimental old fluff, but, uh, would you mind giving me lock of your hair?

  Mrs. Teasdale : A lock of my hair? Wh-why, I had no idea.

  Rufus T. Firefly : I'm letting you off easy: I was going to ask for the whole wig.

• Rufus T. Firefly : Why don't you marry me?

  Mrs. Teasdale : Why, marry you?

  Rufus T. Firefly : You take me and I'll take a vacation. I'll need a vacation if we're going to get married.

• Mrs. Teasdale : If it's not asking too much:

  Mrs. Teasdale : [sings]  For your information, just for information, / Tell us how you intend to run the nation...

  Rufus T. Firefly : [sings]  These are the laws of my administration: No one's allowed to smoke, or tell a dirty joke, and whistling is forbidden.

  Freedonians : [Firefly whistles as the chorus sings]  We're not allowed to tell a dirty joke, Hail, hail Freedonia!

  Rufus T. Firefly : If chewing gum is chewed, the chewer is pursued, and in the hoosegow hidden!