Beginner's Luck (1935)

George 'Spanky' McFarland: Spanky

Photos 

Quotes 

• Spanky's grandmother : Spanky's mother has gone behind the back stage curtain trying to hook her son with a long theater pole. She is peeking under the curtain and cannot be seen swinging the pole wildly trying to hook her boy and rescue him from this cruel humiliation. Her pole is thrust out into the orchestra pit and as she was pulling it back in she accidentally sticks it into an electrical outlet giving her a huge shock,

  [BUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZ] 

  Spanky's grandmother : which kicks her back to sitting back on her heels and wringing her hands and fingers out. Electrical lines are all around her. Spanky's mother accidently opened the stage curtain grommet, which holds the two curtain halves together. The mother regained her composure and goes back to her task. The grandmother and the MC both were watching the mother and loved seeing this miscue and both were laughing at her. The grandmother then sees the grommet hook near the mother and taps the MC on the shoulder saying

  [here's where we stop the show!] 

  Spanky's grandmother : Pointing at the stage curtain ropes. This would give Spanky's mother something the entire audience could laugh at. They already knew the theater audience was a real cruel one after the way they treated Little Daisy, they would really lite up Spanky's Mother.

  Master of Ceremonies : The MC sees what she means and says

  [sure, go ahead] 

  Master of Ceremonies : knowing how much his theater audience is going to love this. They love this kid's act but with the help of the grandmother they are going to get a real treat. The aggressive stage mother who told him her son was too much of an artist to open a show is going to be the artist that ends the show. The woman who wanted to stop her son from being laughed at is going to be laughed at herself.

  Spanky's grandmother : The grandmother starts pulling down on the ropes very slowly and she and the watch as the grommet hook start to move from resting on the mother's shoes they start to move up on her shapely legs on her sheer black silk stockings

  [I have to be careful to get this just right] 

  Spanky's grandmother : the grandmother is going to give some payback to Spanky's mother for putting him on a stage against his will, she will make Spanky's mother reluctantly join Spanky's act.

  Master of Ceremonies : The MC is looking on with huge anticipation

  [OK, be careful, we don't want to miss it] 

  Spanky's grandmother : The hook is slowly moving up under the mother's rump and a few inches away from her dress hem the grommet turns perfectly facing Spanky's mother's hem. The hook enters the woolen dress and snags her hem

  [we got her good.] 

  Master of Ceremonies : The MC is bursting to get this done perfectly

  [great, I can hardly wait] 

  Master of Ceremonies : thinking of this silly stage mother gets the works which she so badly needed and it was coming.

  Spanky's mother : Spanky's mother has hooked her son and is pulling him back, she has pulled him back to her and he is only a few pulls away.Spanky is holding onto the stage lights and as he is being pulled back the mother is being pulled out onto the stage. She has only contact with the tips of her shoes and her knees which is covered by her silk stockings which isn't giving her much traction. The hook goes in well and the grandmother starts to pull hard and the curtain is moving up. Her dress is pulling tight even her full sleeves are pulling back and the dress is so tight. The size and shape of her breasts and derriere are no longer a secret and common knowledge to all the men in the audience. She reaches with both hands behind her and she realizes what's going on. She let out with a loud screech shrill schreech

  [loud shrill. Schreech] 

  Spanky's mother : a look of panic appears on Spanky's mother's face. She looks over to see who was hoisting the curtain thinking it musr be the MC but was suprised to aee it was hee mother. The Theater audience only answer her pathic screech with sarcastic laughing. The children's amateur show has turned very risque' with the curtain pulling up Spanky's Mother's dress.

  Jerry : Spanky's mother tries to grab the curtain as she is trying to stand up as the audience howl laughing at her. That was a mistake if she would have remained in a kneeling position the hook may have come undone.The gang is sitting in the front row and have a great view of Spanky's mother. Jerry is thinking the number one rule of boyhood is degrading your best buddies mom and here was Spanky's mother and shecwas being degraded in reality on a stage

  Spanky's mother : Spanky's mother is standing now and trying to unhook the dress she is starting to go into a state of shock from her predicament as she is trying to unhook the hook around the front of her dress while the hook is in the back and the back of her dress is up nearing her head she quietly says

  [no, no oh please no] 

  Spanky's mother : the panicked look is growing on her face.

  Audience member : This man is sitting in the audience and he is leering and ogling Spanky's mother and can't wait till the dress is off while he laughs at her

  [loud laughter] 

  Spanky : Spanky has opened his visor and is looking around to see why they aren't laughing at him anymore then he sees his mother behind him with her dress caught on a rising curtain. He says

  [oh, no] 

  Spanky : he knows the number one rule of boyhood well and it's his mother in reality.

  Spanky's grandmother : The grandmother is pulling with all her might but it's going very slowly she says to the MC

  [don't worry I'll get my second wind] 

  Audience member : Tiny Lipson is watching Spanky's Mother and really getting a real kick out of watching this. Like most men in the audience he thinking of if you went out with Spanky's Mother on a date you would need this curtain to get her out of her dress quick. He is laughing his head off

  [laughter] 

  Spanky's mother : Spanky's mother is wiggling around like a fish caught on a line but she seems to have stopped the curtain from rising but she is pleading

  [no, no please] 

  Spanky's mother : only to be greeted with wild vicious laughter from the audience.

  Daisy Dimple : Daisy, who is in her mother's arms taps the MC saying

  [say mister, do you think he stands a chance?] 

  Master of Ceremonies : The MC looks at her and gives her a huge smile

  [why listen honey, he already won that prize five minutes ago] 

  Daisy Dimple : Daisy is so excited she hugs her mom saying

  [oh mommy, the dress is in the bag] 

  Spanky's grandmother : The grandmother says to the MC

  [OK, I've gotten my second wind. I'm going to let her rip] 

  Spanky's mother : Spanky's mother realizes there is alot more pressure on the dress and she's trying her best to keep her dress on but it keeps getting tighter and now higher. The back of her dress is over her head and the front it's directly under her breasts. She is squirming around trying to find a way to unhook it

  [oh no, please stop please] 

  Spanky's mother : with that there is a loud

  [ripping and tearing sounds] 

  Spanky's mother : as her dress is coming apart then the

  [swishing sound] 

  Spanky's mother : as her dress comes off her and it runs up the curtain quickly .

  Spanky : Spanky watches the dress go up and watches it go all the way up and her hears to roaring crowd laughing at the dress like it is some trophy. He looks down to see where his mother is and she is frozen kneeling on the stage unable to move paralyzed by shock. He says

  [don't worry mom I'll save you] 

  Spanky : thinking he will hide his now slip clad body from the prying eyes of the audience.

  Spanky's grandmother : The grandmother pulls down and the curtain goes up

  [there it goes] 

  Spanky's grandmother : and the MC has his eyes bulging out of their sockets looking at Spanky's mother.

  Spanky : Spanky grabs a stage prop and pulls it across the stage and pulls the stageprop into place in front of his immobilized mother. He stands back and puts his hands on his hips showing his pride but the cruel audience laughter has increased. Spanky looks over at his mother her head is tilted backwards, her eyes straight up looking at her dress dangling off the ceiling and her mouth wide open. The prop has a furry squatting animal on it with a cutout on top which his mother's head fits perfectly. His eyes bulge and his helmet top spins wildly

  [spinning helmet top sound] 

  Spanky : his mother has been made a laughing stock of and made a humiliated spectacle of on the stage. This is something that his friends will never forget the number one rule of boyhood has come to fruition in reality his mother degraded.

• Spanky's mother : Spanky's mother hears a disturbance in the room he is supposedly recieting in, she calls out

  [Spanky] 

  Spanky's mother : no answer, so again she calls out

  [Spanky] 

  Spanky's mother : still no response, worriedly she calls out

  [Spanky, Mother can't hear you] 

  Spanky : At that point Spanky walks out of the room saying

  [Friends, Romans and countrymen lend me your ears] 

  Spanky's mother : A very happy mother hears this smiling and leaning forward she says

  [that's much better darling, I'm sure you will win the prize tonight] 

  Spanky's mother : she had no idea he would win but both if them would be humiliated along the way.

• Spanky : Spanky and his mother are walking back to the stage wings after talking with Daisy and her mother. His mother is holding him by the hand. Suddenly, He stops in his tracks pulling at his mom.

  [Wait a minute Mom, I have to tell the gang something.] 

  Spanky's mother : His mother is very suprised and gets down to her haunches to find out what's wrong.

  [You can't go out there now , you have to win the prize] 

  Spanky : Very adamantly he says

  [Well I can't win unless I tell the gang something] 

  Spanky's mother : The mother knows he can't go out there so she tells him

  [what is it ? I'll really them] 

  Spanky : Spanky says

  [tell 5hem I don't want to loose now. I want to win.] 

  Spanky's mother : The mother is astonished hearing this saying

  [but of course] 

  Spanky : Spanky says

  [now what are you going to tell them ?] 

  Spanky's mother : The mother very enfatingling says

  [I'm going tortellini them you have to win] 

  Spanky's mother : then the mother hands him his sword and shield saying

  [here take these to Grandma] 

• Master of Ceremonies : After the first act concluded the MC walks over to Spanky's Mother saying

  [is Barrymore ready yet] 

  Spanky's mother : The mother busy putting on his centurion costume and combing his hair is aware the MC is angry but puts her hand out to him saying

  [ahhhh, not quite] 

  Spanky : Spanky says to the MC

  [don't rush me big boy] 

  Master of Ceremonies : The angry MC says

  [look one more peep out if you and you don't go on] 

  Spanky : Spanky says

  [say that again] 

  Master of Ceremonies : The MC says

  [I said one more peep out of you and you don't go on !] 

  Spanky : Spanky jumps in saying

  [peep, peep peep] 

  Spanky's mother : The mother jumps in saying to the MC

  [pay no attention to him, it's all just part of his act. You'll see in a few minutes] 

  Spanky's mother : then as the MC walks away she starts to scold Spanky

  [now listen, what are you doing ? Why are you trying to ruin your chances ? Stop it right now !] 

  Spanky's grandmother : The grandmother, off screen let's out with a huge belly laugh

  [belly laugh] 

  Spanky's mother : The laugh really shakes up Spanky's mother and she looks over her shoulder then she turns to face the grandmother, who came I n from behind her. The mother is visibly unnerved by her laughter. She turns to the grandmother saying

  [Well I don't think this is so funny] 

  Spanky's grandmother : The grandmother who is still laughing

  [Well I do] 

  Spanky : Spanky pulls on the back of his mother's overcoat as she is trying to put his helmet on him

  [me too] 

  Spanky : this annoys the mother and she puts his helmet on him very quickly and forcibly knocking the visor to fall down in front of his eyes. We will see this again in his act.

• Spanky's mother : Spanky's mother has just gotten the MC to bring up the house lights and take Spanky out of the spotlight. She whispers at him just before he starts to recite

  [Spanky, Good luck. I know you are going to win the prize] 

  Spanky : Spanky starts his recitation

  [Friends, Romans and countrymen lend me your ears] 

  Spanky : at 5hat point a wave of peas are shot at him from the gang and a blast of their noisemakers. He tries again

  [Friends, Romans and countrymen lend me your ears] 

  Spanky : and again the wave of peas is shot at him

  Spanky's mother : The mother is watching the peas coming from the boys she just taked to. She decides to wave at Spanky and say

  [Spanky, come back . Do you hear me?] 

  Spanky : Spanky shakes his head no. And tries to start his act

  [Friends, Romans] 

  Spanky : and that was all he could get out, more peas. He uses his shield to fend off the peas.

  Spanky's mother : The mother is listening to the level of audience laughter and is waving more saying

  [Spanky, do you hear me come back off that stage] 

  Master of Ceremonies : The MC hears the increase of the audience laughter and realizes the audience love this kid's act. They must think it is a spoof of a real Shakespere recital. He waves at the boy to continue

  [go on, they love you] 

  Spanky's mother : This is the point when something very strange happened. The MC and Spanky's mother are now intertwined as Spanky's parents.They are fused into one.There is nothing either one can do even if they try to fight it's no use it is. The viewer may not like the match of the older,bald frumpy MC with the younger, stylish, well heeled and well coiffed pretty blonde Mother. They were battling all along since she arrived at the theater. Now Spanky's mother is the compassionate and loving female figure and the MC is the manly one pushing the boy onward and man up. The mother says

  [come off now !] 

  Spanky's mother : The mother is his real mother and desperately trying to stop his humiliation. The MC wants to keep him on the stage to please his theaters audience and stop the mother from taling him off the stage. Spanky's mother is dumbfounded that her son is a adamantly defing her and listening to the complete stranger,the MC, who has taken over the father role.

  Master of Ceremonies : The MC realizes that Spanky is actually listening to him. He told him to stay out there and toughen up. The MC waves him on

  [keep it up] 

  Master of Ceremonies : then a wave of the peas bounce off Spanky's shield and into the mouth of the piano player who was laughing hard at Spanky. The Piano player freezes his eyes straight up with a full mouth of peas. He looks at Spanky's mother who is standing next to him and giggles. The MC is thinking wouldn't it be great if this silly stage mother was hit like that . Her mouth filled with peas would shuther up for a while. She always had her mouth open talking and telling people what to do.

  Spanky's mother : The mother looked at the MC and knew exactly what the MC was thinking, he wanted her to get a mouthful of peas to shut her up and make her eyes point directly up. There was nothing she could do about that but she tried to get her son off the stage.

  [Spanky, come back please please] 

• Spanky : [to Daisy Dimple]  The dress is in the bag.

• Spanky's mother : What does Clark Gable or Barrymore have that Spanky doesn't have?

  Spanky : A moustache.