- Bellboy: I caught this man walking down the street with a chicken.
- Curly Gallstone: Blonde or brunette?
- Moe Hailstone: [to Curly] Quiet.
- [to Peasant]
- Moe Hailstone: Where did you get the chicken?
- Peasant: From an egg.
- Larry Pebble: Where'd you get the egg?
- Peasant: From a chicken.
- Curly Gallstone: Ah, a vicious cycle. We must kill it. Remind me to kill a cycle.
- Moe Hailstone: [to Curly] Quiet.
- [to the Bellboy]
- Moe Hailstone: Put him in a Concentrated Camp!
- Mr. Ixnay: We've come here to offer you the greatest opportunity of your life.
- Moe Hailstone: You mean you'll let us paper the living room?
- Mr. Ixnay: No, no, no. You're through with papering. My partners and I are going to make you Dictator of Moronika.
- Moe Hailstone: Dictator? What does a dictator do?
- Mr. Ixnay: A dictator? Why, he makes love to beautiful women, drinks champagne, enjoys life and never works. He makes speeches to the people promising them plenty, gives them nothing and takes everything. *That's* a dictator.
- Curly Gallstone: Hmph, a parasite. That's for me.
- Moe Hailstone: You, I shall give Mikey-Finlen.
- Larry Pebble: If I take Mikey-Finlen, I'd better be rushin'.
- Curly Gallstone: Then quit Stalin'.
- Moe Hailstone: Moronika must expand! We shall lend our neighbors a helping hand. We shall lend them two helping hands... and help ourselves to our neighbors!
- Moe Hailstone: Go burn the books!
- Larry Pebble: Why burn the books?
- Moe Hailstone: There are too many bookmakers. The bookies are overrunning the country. Those are my orders!
- Moe Hailstone: What do you mean by reading a book? Suppose you learn something. Loyal Moronikans shouldn't read. Take your troops out and have them burn every book in Moronika.
- Moe Hailstone: Ring for my sectery.
- Curly Gallstone: You mean secretary?
- Moe Hailstone: I said sectery!
- Curly Gallstone: Secretary.
- Moe Hailstone: Which is correct?
- Larry Pebble: Stenographer. I'll ring for her.
- Moe Hailstone: Get a confession of the Natzy spy and shoot her.
- [Curly pulls out some dice]
- Moe Hailstone: Hey, how can you shoot her with dice?
- Larry Pebble: They're loaded. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
- Moe Hailstone: Here.
- [hands Curly a pistol]
- Moe Hailstone: Take her out and shoot her!
- Larry Pebble: Don't worry about it.
- [walks out with Mattie Herring]
- Larry Pebble: Come on Toots, we'll shoot the works.
- Curly Gallstone: What happened?
- Larry Pebble: Mattie Herring escaped.
- Moe Hailstone: And you shot me in the excitement. We must get her back.
- Larry Pebble: I'll be satisfied if we get her half back.
- Curly Gallstone: I'll take a quarter back. In fact, I'll take Notre Dame and two points.
- Moe Hailstone: Oh, you want two points.
- Curly Gallstone: I certainly do.
- Moe Hailstone: Well, you got 'em.
- [Moe pokes Curly in the eyes]
- Mr. Ixnay: We'll make this man, Minister of Propaganda.
- Larry Pebble: Popaganda? What's that?
- Curly Gallstone: A Popaganda marries a Mamaganda and they raise a lot of little goslings.
- Moe Hailstone: We'll take the job. What'll we do?
- Mr. Ixnay: First, you start a Beer Putsch.
- Larry Pebble: How?
- Curly Gallstone: You put your beer down and wait for the pretzels.
- Mr. Ixnay: No. No-no-no. You go to the saloons and you buy free beer for all saloonatics. Then you march them to the palace and force the king to abdicate. That makes you dictator! Hail! Hail! Hailstone the Dictator!
- Moe Hailstone: I'd like the job, all right, but, I can't leave my two pals. You know our motto has always been, "One for all and all for me!"
- Larry Pebble: Three o'clock, Balonenia watch time.
- Curly Gallstone: Three o'clock, Balonenia watch time.
- Larry Pebble: Three o'clock, Balonenia watch time!
- Moe Hailstone: It must be three o'clock...
- Axis Minister: Your minorities are creeping into our majorities, until you're making our majorities - minorities!
- Mr. Ixnay: We're going to make this man Field Marshal and head of all our fighting forces.
- Curly Gallstone: Can I have uniform? A real sword?
- Mr. Amscray: You can have a hundred uniforms. Just go out and shoot a hundred Generals and help yourself.
- Curly Gallstone: I'll shoot two hundred Generals!
- Moe Hailstone: Ya! Ya! Ya?
- Curly Gallstone: Ya!
- Moe Hailstone: Ya?
- Larry Pebble: Yeah!
- Moe Hailstone, Curly Gallstone, Larry Pebble: Yah, Man!
- Larry Pebble: And Hallelujah!
- Larry Pebble: As Minister of Propaganda, I...
- Moe Hailstone: Don't want to hear from you.
- [slaps Larry]
- Moe Hailstone: On second thought, throw him to the lions!
- Curly Gallstone: But, we have no lions. How about the Tigers or the Cubs?
- Curly Gallstone: Or the Giants?
- Moe Hailstone: Whip out your magic ball, Mattie.
- Mattie Herring: Ickle-dickle-bickle-mickle.
- Moe Hailstone: Why, that's an 8-ball.
- Mattie Herring: Sit right down behind it.
- Moe Hailstone: Let me see that!
- [Moe grabs Curly's little black book]
- Moe Hailstone: "June East - 110 Goodnecking Place - Whoopee 4430" "Ruby Clutch - O-O-O-G - Has car - Often runs out of gas - Woo - Woo - Woo"
- Curly Gallstone: Woo-woo-woo!
- Moe Hailstone: Woo?
- Curly Gallstone: Woo-woo!
- Moe Hailstone: I'll keep this.
- Curly Gallstone: Oh! A bookkeeper!
- Moe Hailstone: Its time for our roundtable conference.
- Larry Pebble: How can we have a roundtable conference when all we got is a square table?
- Moe Hailstone: Oh, in Moronika, nothing is on the square. We shall have to cut corners.
- [pulls out a big pair of scissors]
- Moe Hailstone: We'll start a blintzkrieg!
- Curly Gallstone: Oh, goodie! I just love blintzes. Especially with sour krieg.
- Moe Hailstone: Just think, I might have asked Mattie Herring to marry me.
- Curly Gallstone: Yeah, you'd 've been in some pickle with that Herring.
- Moe Hailstone: [dancing arm-in-arm with Curly] Mighty pretty girl, isn't she?
- Curly Gallstone: Mighty fine dancer, too!
- Moe Hailstone: You're not so bad, yourself.
- Curly Gallstone: Nyuk, njuk, njuk. I bet you tell that to all the boys.
- Moe Hailstone: [abruptly stops dancing] Quiet!
- Moe Hailstone, Curly Gallstone, Larry Pebble: Peace! We want peace!
- Vance Rippemup: Yes. A piece of this and a piece of that country.