Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)
Cary Grant: Mortimer Brewster
Photos
Quotes
-
Mortimer Brewster : Look I probably should have told you this before but you see... well... insanity runs in my family...
[he hears Abby and Martha singing]
Mortimer Brewster : It practically gallops.
-
[last lines]
Mortimer Brewster : No, no. I'm not a Brewster. I'm the son of a sea-cook! Ha! Ha! Chaaaaarrrge!
[he runs off across the cemetary]
Cab Driver : And I'm not a cab driver, I'm a coffee pot!
-
Mortimer Brewster : The name Brewster is code for Roosevelt.
Teddy Brewster : Code for Roosevelt?
Mortimer Brewster : Yes. Don't you see? Take the name Brewster, take away the B, and what have you got?
Teddy Brewster : Rooster!
Mortimer Brewster : Uh-huh. And what does a rooster do?
Teddy Brewster : Crows.
Mortimer Brewster : It crows. And where do you hunt in Africa?
Teddy Brewster : On the veldt!
Mortimer Brewster : There you are: crows - veldt!
Teddy Brewster : Ingenious! My compliments to the boys in the code department.
-
Mortimer Brewster : Look, you can't do things like that! Now, I don't know how I can explain this to you. But, it's not only against the law, its wrong!
Martha Brewster : Oh, piffle!
Mortimer Brewster : It's not a nice thing to do. People wouldn't understand. He wouldn't understand. What I mean is... Well... This is developing into a very bad habit!
-
[Elaine is impatient to leave on the honeymoon]
Elaine Harper : But, darling - Niagara Falls.
Mortimer Brewster : It does? Well, let it.
-
Elaine Harper : But Mortimer, you're going to love me for my mind, too.
Mortimer Brewster : One thing at a time!
-
Aunt Martha : For a gallon of elderberry wine, I take one teaspoon full of arsenic, then add half a teaspoon full of strychnine, and then just a pinch of cyanide.
Mortimer Brewster : Hmm. Should have quite a kick.
-
Mortimer Brewster : Mr. President, may I have the pleasure of presenting...
Teddy Brewster : Doctor Livingston?
Dr. Gilchrist : Livingstone?
Mortimer Brewster : Uh, well, that's what he presumes.
-
Mortimer Brewster : When I come back, I expect to find you gone. Wait for me!
-
[on the telephone]
Mortimer Brewster : Hello... Operator? Can you hear my voice? You can? Are you sure?
[hangs up]
Mortimer Brewster : Well, then I must be here.
-
Lt. Rooney : Who are you? What's your name?
Mortimer Brewster : Well, usually I'm Mortimer Brewster, but I'm not quite myself today.
-
Mortimer Brewster : I saw a play last week, it had a character in it, reminded me of Jonathon.
Abby Brewster : Oh, really?
Mortimer Brewster : Yeah, a honey of a lunatic. One of those whodunits called "Murder Will Out".
Abby Brewster : Oh, dear!
Mortimer Brewster : Yeah, what a play. When the curtain goes up the first thing you see is a dead body. The next thing...
[opens the window seat and finds a dead body]
-
Mortimer Brewster : Aunt Abby, how can I believe you? There are twelve men down in the cellar and you admit you poisoned them.
Aunt Abby Brewster : Yes, I did. But you don't think I'd stoop to telling a fib.
-
Mortimer Brewster : I probably should have told you this before but, you see, well... insanity runs in my family.
[He hears Abby and Martha singing]
Mortimer Brewster : It practically gallops!
-
Mortimer Brewster : Look, Aunt Martha, men don't just get into window seats and die!
Abby Brewster : We know, dear. He died first.
Mortimer Brewster : Wait a minute! Stop all this. Now, look, darling, how did he die?
Abby Brewster : Oh, Mortimer, don't be so inquisitive. The gentleman died because he drank some wine with poison in it.
Mortimer Brewster : How did the poison get in the wine?
Martha Brewster : Well, we put it in wine, because it's less noticeable. When it's in tea, it has a distinct odor.
Mortimer Brewster : You mean, you... You put it in the wine!
Abby Brewster : Yes. And I put Mr. Hoskins in the window seat, because Reverend Harper was coming.
Mortimer Brewster : Now, look at me, darling. You mean, you mean you knew what you'd done and you didn't want the Reverend Harper to see the body?
Abby Brewster : Well, not at tea. That wouldn't have been very nice.
Mortimer Brewster : Oh, it's first-degree.
Abby Brewster : Now, Mortimer, you know all about it and just forget about it. I do think that Aunt Martha and I have the right to our own little secrets.
-
Teddy Brewster : [Mr. Witherspoon has just met Teddy and Teddy pulls Mortimer aside] Is he trying to move into the White House before I've moved out?
Mortimer Brewster : Who?
Teddy Brewster : [points to Mr. Witherspoon] Taft!
-
[speaking of a character in a play he has seen]
Mortimer Brewster : He sits there *waiting* to be tied up and gagged!
[laughs]
Mortimer Brewster : The big dope!
-
Mortimer Brewster : [trying to make Jonathan leave] Now, Jonathon. Be a good fellow. Here's ten dollars. Go out and haunt yourself a hotel?
-
Martha Brewster : [about the men they have poisoned] Let me see, now. This is eleven, isn't it, Abby?
Abby Brewster : Oh, no, dear. This makes twelve.
Martha Brewster : Abby, dear. I think you're wrong. This one is only eleven.
Abby Brewster : No, dear, because I remember when Mr. Hoskins first came in, it occurred to me that he'd make just an even dozen.
Martha Brewster : But, Abby, dear. I really don't think you should count the first one.
Abby Brewster : Oh, I was counting the first one, and that makes it twelve.
Martha Brewster : It does? Well, she's probably right. Abby usually is. I get them mixed up sometimes.
Mortimer Brewster : Makes it twelve? Twelve.
-
Cab Driver : Hey! $22.50!
Mortimer Brewster : What?
Cab Driver : $22.50!
Mortimer Brewster : Oh, yes, looks good on you!
Cab Driver : Yeah. Not the suit, the meter!
-
Mortimer Brewster : But there's a body in the window seat!
Aunt Abby : Yes, dear, we know.
Mortimer Brewster : You know?
Martha Brewster : Of course!
Aunt Abby : Yes, but it has nothing to do with Teddy. Now, Mortimer, you just forget about it. Forget you ever saw the gentleman.
Mortimer Brewster : Forget?
Aunt Abby : We never dreamed you'd peek.
Mortimer Brewster : What the...?
-
Mortimer Brewster : [finding a second body in the window seat] Ye, Gods! There's another one!
-
Mortimer Brewster : Even the cat's in on it!
-
Cab Driver : Hey, you! Five more bucks and you'll own it!
Mortimer Brewster : Oh, no thanks! It wouldn't fit me!
-
Mortimer Brewster : [introducing Teddy to Gilchrist] Oh, uh, Mr. President, may I have the pleasure of introducing...
Teddy Brewster : Dr. Livingstone!
Dr. Gilchrist : Livingstone?
Mortimer Brewster : Yeah, well, that's what he presumes.
-
Elaine Harper : Now, wait a minute! Listen! You can't marry me one minute and throw me out of the house the next.
Mortimer Brewster : I am not throwing you out of the house, I am not throwing you out of the house! Will you get out of here?
[pushes her out and slams the door; Mr. Gibbs is standing on the porch holding a newspaper]
Elaine Harper : Mortimer!
Mortimer Brewster : [picks up the phone] I'm sorry, Judge. But a thing happened. Look, Judge... About Teddy... you see, he's...
Elaine Harper : Mortimer!
Mortimer Brewster : [into the phone] You see, Judge, it's his bugle blowing. Yes, the neighbors have been complaining, and the police are all set to throw him into a state institution.
Elaine Harper : How do you like that...
Mr. Gibbs : I read an ad here about a room to rent...
Elaine Harper : Oh, shut up!
-
Mortimer Brewster : Certainly there are thirteen bodies in the cellar and there are hundreds more in the attic!
-
[Explaining to Elaine why they shouldn't be married]
Mortimer Brewster : You wouldn't want to have children with three heads, would you? I mean, you wouldn't want to set up housekeeping in a padded cell. Oh, it would be bad.
-
Mortimer Brewster : All I did was cross the bridge and I was in Brooklyn. Amazing.
-
[Meeting with Dr. Gilchrist in the cemetery]
Mortimer Brewster : Pull up a tombstone!
-
Mortimer Brewster : [on the telephone] Yes, operator, I'd like the Happy Dale Sanatorium, Happy Dale, New York. Come on, operator, what's taking so long? They're just across the river. I could swim it faster! No, I don't want the Happy Dale Laundry. I want the Happy Dale Sanatorium. Sanatorium, sanatorium, sanatorium. Yes, yes, like a broken record. Hello - what? They're busy? Busy? Look, they're busy and you're dizzy. No, I am not drunk, madam, but you've given me an idea.
[throws down the phone in disgust]
-
Aunt Abby Brewster : Just the thought of Jonathan frightens me. Do you remember how he used to cut worms in two with his teeth?
Mortimer Brewster : Oh, Jonathan? He's probably in prison or hanged or something by now.
-
Mortimer Brewster : Wait outside.
Dr. Gilchrist : But it's Halloween!
Mortimer Brewster : Oh, don't worry about Halloween. The pixies won't be out till after midnight.
-
Mortimer Brewster : Now look, darling, how did he die?
Abby Brewster : Oh, Mortimer, don't be so inquisitive. The gentleman died because he drank some wine with poison in it.
Mortimer Brewster : Well, how did the poison get in the wine?
Martha Brewster : Well, we put in wine because it's less noticeable. When it's in tea it has a distinct odor.
-
[to Jonathan]
Mortimer Brewster : Where did you get that face? Hollywood?
-
Mortimer Brewster : [watching the fighting, lighting up a cigarette] Go on - fight, fight. I don't care.
Mortimer Brewster : [watching the police trying to bring down Jonathan with a shoe] Oh, don't do that. It never works.
Mortimer Brewster : [Jonathan collapses] What do you know? it worked!
-
Dr. Einstein : At least people in plays act like they've got sense.
Mortimer Brewster : Oh, you think so? Did you ever see anybody in a play act like they got any intelligence?
Dr. Einstein : [agonizing] How can somebody be so stupid!
-
Elaine Harper : [Mortimer is feeling amorous in the cemetery with Elaine] Mortimer! Right out here in the open with everyone looking?
Mortimer Brewster : Yes, right out here in the open with everyone looking. Let everyone in Brooklyn over sixteen look!
-
Mortimer Brewster : What is this? Did everybody in Brooklyn know I was going to get married except me?
Martha Brewster : We knew you'd find out about it in time.
-
Mortimer Brewster : Yeah, yeah, I know that bromide. Something borrowed, something blue - old, new! Rice and old shoes, carry you over the threshold, Niagara Falls - all the silly tripe I've made fun of for years. Is this what I've come to? I can't go through with it. I won't marry you and that's that!
Elaine Harper : [Adoring] Yes, Mortimer.
Mortimer Brewster : What do you mean, "Yes, Mortimer"? Aren't you insulted? Aren't you going to cry? Aren't you going to make a scene?
Elaine Harper : [Adoring] No, Mortimer.
Mortimer Brewster : And don't "No, Mortimer" me either! Don't... Don't you see, marriage is a superstition, it... It's old-fashioned, it's... I... Ohhhh...
[He kisses her and hauls her into the marriage license office]
-
[after finding the dead body in the window seat]
Mortimer Brewster : But - what happened to him?
Martha Brewster : [cheerfully] He died.
-
Jonathan Brewster : [threatening Mortimer] If you tell O'Hara what's in the window seat, I'll tell him what's in the cellar.
Mortimer Brewster : Cellar?
Jonathan Brewster : There's an elderly gentleman down there who seems to be very dead.
-
[singing]
Mortimer Brewster : There is a Happydale, far, far away...
-
Mortimer Brewster : You didn't want the reverend to see the body?
Aunt Abby : Well, not at tea. That wouldn't have been very nice.
-
Mortimer Brewster : [to Mr. Gibbs] You... Get out of here! D'ya wanna be poisoned? D'ya wanna be murdered? D'ya wanna be killed?
-
Mortimer Brewster : [Stopping Teddy from playing his bugle] No, no, no. Don't do that, Mister President.
Teddy Brewster : But I cannot sign any proclamation without consulting my Cabinet.
Mortimer Brewster : This must be secret.
Teddy Brewster : A secret proclamation? How unusual.
Mortimer Brewster : Yes, it's the only way we can outsmart the other fellow.
Teddy Brewster : Who's the other fellow?
Mortimer Brewster : That's the secret.
Teddy Brewster : Oh, I see! Very clever.
-
Mortimer Brewster : [to Dr Einstein] Stop underplaying, I can't hear you!
-
[Mortimer has just been talking to his aunts but was interrupted by the phone ringing. He now hangs it up]
Mortimer Brewster : Now, where was I? Twelve... *TWELVE*?
[He runs back to talk to his aunts again]
-
Mortimer Brewster : [to Aunt Abby and Aunt Martha] Come here. I've got the two nicest Aunts in the world. Of course, you've got the nicest nephew in the world, too.
-
Photographer at Marriage License Office : Mr. Brewster?
Mortimer Brewster : Now, look... Goodbye, dear.
-
Teddy Brewster : What news have you brought me?
Mortimer Brewster : Just this, Mr. President, the country is squarely behind you.
Teddy Brewster : Yes, I know.
-
Martha Brewster : [Mortimer is about to leave, but has Mr. Witherspoon's hat on] Hmm! Hmm!
Mortimer Brewster : What, hmm hmm?
Martha Brewster : The hat!
Mortimer Brewster : [Notices hat and throws it on the ground] Argh!
[slams door]
-
Mortimer Brewster : Mortimer Brewster: "Aunt Abbey, how can I believe you? There are 12 men in the cellar and you admit you poisoned them!"
Abby Brewster : Abbey Brewster: "Yes, I did, but you don't think I would stoop to telling a fib!"
-
Lt. Rooney : These papers ain't no good.
Mortimer Brewster : Why not?
Lt. Rooney : He signed it Theodore Roosevelt.