- Judy Peabody: You know I think he's a bit screwy, he thinks a girl named Ruby Stevens is Barbara Stanwyck!
- Sherman Billingsley: [Walking out of his office with an arm around Judy's shoulder] We'll be very happy together.
- Sgt. Danny Wilton: [Who's been waiting outside his office] I understand, Mr. Billingsley.
- Sherman Billingsley: No you don't, but you will. Come in. I wanna straighten you out too.
- MacFiske: I'm certain Mrs. Bates loved you very much and always will, sir.
- Jerry B. 'J.B.': Then why did she up and leave me?
- MacFiske: You told her to.
- Jerry B. 'J.B.': That's no excuse
- Mrs. Edith Bates: Who could believe you, you scoundrel, you philanderer, you viper, you snake in the grass?
- Judy Peabody: We can't go on like this, Mr. Billingsley.
- Sherman Billingsley: Like what?
- Judy Peabody: I'm in love with Danny.
- Sherman Billingsley: Well, that's all right with me.
- Judy Peabody: Well, it's not with him.
- Sherman Billingsley: You're all mixed up.
- Judy Peabody: I know I am, and I don't wanna be. He's as jealous as...
- Sherman Billingsley: Jealous?
- Judy Peabody: Well, certainly. Who wouldn't be after all the things you've given me?
- Sherman Billingsley: I've given you?
- Judy Peabody: Oh, Sherman, don't be so anonymous.
- Sherman Billingsley: Hey, listen, I'm a married man.
- Judy Peabody: That's why you oughta be ashamed of yourself.
- Jerry B. 'J.B.': Love should be tolerant till truth breaks through the clouds of doubt.
- Judy Peabody: Gee, that's beautiful, Pop. Who said that?
- Jerry B. 'J.B.': I did.
- Judy Peabody: Why do girls always have to go for dumb guys?
- Gwen: Maybe because it makes us look smart.
- MacFiske: I'm sure Mrs. Bates would be inconsolable, sir.
- Jerry B. 'J.B.': Naw, she wouldn't shed a tear. Well, maybe one or two just to be polite.
- Judy Peabody: What happened?
- Jerry B. 'J.B.': Me wife left me six months ago.
- Judy Peabody: Why?
- Jerry B. 'J.B.': I'll tell it. There was a slight complication - another man, Clarence Bascom.
- Judy Peabody: Was Bascom any younger than you?
- Jerry B. 'J.B.': No, sixty-five.
- Judy Peabody: Oh, he had money?
- Jerry B. 'J.B.': Not as much as I.
- Gwen: She left you for another bum? I don't get it.
- Jerry B. 'J.B.': How dare you say you didn't know me!
- Tom P. Curtis: Well, you told me not to let her know who you are.
- Jerry B. 'J.B.': Never mind what I tell you to do, you do what I tell you.
- Tom P. Curtis: Ha, ha. I'll try to remember that.
- Tom P. Curtis: [Toasting for J.B.] To Judy, who works at the Stork Club, and whose wants are small - I wonder.
- Tom P. Curtis: Mr. Billingsley, what would you do if you were in my spot?
- Sherman Billingsley: I'd stop bothering me.
- Mrs. Edith Bates: Well, Mr. Bates, explain yourself.
- Jerry B. 'J.B.': Now, Edith, are you gonna believe me or what you see?
- Gwen: I think the whole thing must've been your fault.
- Jerry B. 'J.B.': Why does everyone side with Edith, I...
- Judy Peabody: Now, now, Pop. Till you get yourself straightened out, you better stay here with me.
- Sherman Billingsley: Oh, I've gotta get you straightened out. Now get this - I never gave you anything. Ever.
- Judy Peabody: Huh?
- Sherman Billingsley: Why should I? What are you in my life?
- Judy Peabody: Well, I don't know, but somebody's behind this.