A Night in Casablanca (1946)

Groucho Marx: Kornblow

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Quotes 

• Ronald Kornblow : From now on the essence of this hotel will be speed. If a customer askes you for a three-minute egg, give it to him in two minutes. If he askes you for a two-minute egg, give it to him in one minute. If he askes you for a one-minute egg, give him the chicken and let him work it out for himself!

• Ronald Kornblow : You know, I think you're the most beautiful woman in the whole world.

  Beatrice Rheiner : [eagerly]  Do you really?

  Ronald Kornblow : No, but I don't mind lying if it'll get me somewheres.

• Corbaccio : What you need is a good bodyguard.

  Ronald Kornblow : What I need is a good body. The one I've got isn't worth guarding.

• Mr. Smythe : Sir, this lady is my wife. You should be ashamed.

  Ronald Kornblow : If this lady is your wife, YOU should be ashamed.

• Beatrice Rheiner : I shall be in the Supper Club.

  Ronald Kornblow : The Supper Club?

  Beatrice Rheiner : Yes. Will you join me?

  Ronald Kornblow : Why? Are you coming apart?

• Beatrice Rheiner : Oh, come on now. You wouldn't say no to a lady.

  Ronald Kornblow : I don't know why not? They always say no to me.

• Corbaccio : I be-a you bodyguard! I watch-a you like a mother watches a baby!

  Ronald Kornblow : Is the mother pretty?

  Corbaccio : Why?

  Ronald Kornblow : Well, if she is, you watch the baby, I'll watch the mother!

• Beatrice Rheiner : My name's Beatrice Rheiner. I stop at the hotel.

  Ronald Kornblow : My name's Ronald Kornblow. I stop at nothing!

• Ronald Kornblow : After all, I'm a man and you're a woman... and I can't think of a better arrangement.

• Ronald Kornblow : Now there's a man with both feet on the ground... until they hang him.

• Ronald Kornblow : I don't mind being killed, but I resent hearing it from a character whose head comes to a point!

• Ronald Kornblow : How about getting rid of that mutt?

  Beatrice Rheiner : Oh, Frou-Frou's a watchdog.

  Ronald Kornblow : Well, let him watch somebody else.

  Beatrice Rheiner : Oh, Frou-Frou won't bother us. He has such good manners.

  Ronald Kornblow : If he had such good manners, he'd get off your lap and give me a seat. He can stand up better than I can, he's got twice as many legs.

• Ronald Kornblow : [Bea and Kornblow are playfully blowing smoke at each other]  This is like living in Pittsburgh - if you can call that "living".

• Corbaccio : [the bottle of champagne they've just uncorked turns out to be empty]  Hey, you cheap crook, that bottle's empty!

  Ronald Kornblow : That's "dry" champagne!

• Ronald Kornblow : Shush. I don't wanna hear a word out of you!

• Ronald Kornblow : [just taken off in an airplane]  Well, here we are flying in the air.

  [stares into camera] 

  Ronald Kornblow : What a stupid remark that is.

• Annette : [Noticing a very disheveled Mr. Kornblow making his way back to the hotel]  Good heavens, Mr. Kornblow, what happened?

  Ronald Kornblow : What happened! I was stood up by a woman, and knocked down by a car. These Casablanca drivers are terrible! He missed me three times. I finally had to climb a palm tree, and he hit that instead.

• Ronald Kornblow : It's a funny thing. I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down.

• Ronald Kornblow : Call me Montgomery.

  Beatrice Rheiner : Is that your name?

  Ronald Kornblow : No. I'm just breaking it in for a friend.

• Ronald Kornblow : [as the new hotel manager, Groucho has asked what happened to a previous manager] 

  Governor Galoux : Monsieur! We caught him stealing money! We were forced to discharge him!

  Ronald Kornblow : I see. You want a manager that doesn't steal money. Good day, gentlemen.

  Ronald Kornblow : [tries to leave] 

  Prefect of Police Capt. Brizzard : [holds Kornblow back]  Please Monsieur Kornblow do not take offense. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

  Ronald Kornblow : Well, that's quite a trick. You try that sometime.

• Ronald Kornblow : [as Beatrice Rheiner is leaving the room, with her back to the camera, and alluding to her hourglass figure]  That reminds me, I must get my watch fixed.

• Ronald Kornblow : Do you rhumba?

  Beatrice Rheiner : Yes.

  Ronald Kornblow : Well I don't, but I'll walk around with you while you rhumba.

• Ronald Kornblow : Well, gentlemen, I'm a different man behind a desk - as any stenographer can tell you. But, uh, what I want to know, is why they're burying the last manager. And don't tell me it's because he's dead.

• Ronald Kornblow : [Talking to a hotel guest over the phone]  Hello? What's that, sir? You've been up in your room three-and-a-half hours, and your trunks haven't arrived? Well, put your pants on. Nobody'll know the difference.

• Ronald Kornblow : The elevator is stuck between the fifth and sixth floors? This could only happen to me!