- Chuck Gibson: What does a mink do? Does it baaa, growl, meow or coo?
- Eddie York: It makes more minks.
- Eddie York: Go on, get him a hat? Why don't you try to be nice to the customers?
- Clothes Salesman: I've been nice to customers for 22 years. Now I don't have to 'til the war's over.
- Chuck Gibson: Say, what does the Army want to give you pockets for, if you can't put anything in 'em?
- Grandpa Pemberton: Yeah, it's you all right. The same worthless, scalawag... wine, women and song. What'd they do, run you out down there?
- Jim Arnold: Mark Twain said, "The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them."
- Grandpa Pemberton: Are you sure you're the same poisonous, hock-sniffing scud we had around here 'til he lit out for Mexico?
- Jim Arnold: Mr. Long, this is one experience I will not forget. All this money and not one sane person in the house.
- Eddie York: Mr. Arnold, this is robbery.
- Chuck Gibson: I'll say it is. You pay 5,000 for Shakespeare and only 900 for Dickens. It's ridiculous.
- Jim Arnold: Is this his signature?
- Grandpa Pemberton: Yes, that's his. When you going to beat him up?