Slappily Married (1946)

Joe DeRita: Joe Bates

Quotes 

• Mrs. Bates : [Mrs. Bates comes into the kitchen to see a mess and Joe sitting on the floor andhe helps him up]  Joe, what in the world happened?

  Joe Bates : I told you this was my unlucky day. Look what's happened already! I am not going to work on Friday the 13th!

  Mrs. Bates : But you will go on the 14th.

  Joe Bates : Well, naturally.

  Mrs. Bates : [Mrs. Bates peels off the 13th on the calendar that was never taken off, in the first place, making it say 14th]  Then, get cleaned up and get started because yesterday was the 13th.

• Joe Bates : Sweetheart, come back. I can explain! It was an accident.

  Eddie - Honey's Fiance : Well, this is on purpose!

  [Eddie punches Joe, causing him to tumble backwards into a display shelf of hats] 

• Joe Bates : [Joe enters the women-only Hotel Amazon and enters the front desk]  I want to see my wife.

  Hotel Concierge : Name, please.

  Joe Bates : Bates. Joe Bates.

  Hotel Concierge : Sorry. Mrs. Bates left strict orders not to be disturbed.

  Joe Bates : Oh, but I gotta see her. Look at this note. She's left me.

  Hotel Concierge : I can't say that I blame her.

  Joe Bates : Now, see here. You let me see my wife or I'm going to make trouble!

  Violet - Hotel Matron : [Violet appears behind him]  You're what?

  Joe Bates : I said...

  [Notices Violet and changes his attitude] 

  Joe Bates : I don't want to make no trouble.

  Violet - Hotel Matron : [Points to the NO MEN ALLOWED sign]  Read that, wise guy!

  Joe Bates : Uh, who's smoking?

  Joe Bates : [unamused]  Now, listen, bub, are you going out vertical or horizontal?

  Joe Bates : I'll go quietly, officer.

  Violet - Hotel Matron : Well, then, get-a-goin'!

• Joe Bates : Just answer this. What makes a balloon go up?

  Fast Talker : Hot air.

  Joe Bates : Well, what's holding you down?