The Bishop's Wife (1947)

Monty Woolley: Professor Wutheridge

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Quotes 

• Dudley : Supposing I told you I came from another planet. Would you believe me?

  Prof. Wutheridge : I don't know.

  Julia Brougham : I'd believe you, Dudley.

  Dudley : And you'd be right, Julia, as always. We all come from our own little planets. That's why we're all different. That's what makes life interesting.

• Prof. Wutheridge : God bless you!

  Dudley : Thank you! I'll pass that recommendation along.

• Prof. Wutheridge : When you want to know about a woman, ask the old men. They know.

• Prof. Wutheridge : You know, for quite a while now, every time I passed a cemetery, I felt as if I were apartment hunting.

• Prof. Wutheridge : Same trouble with my book. Can't find the words.

  Dudley : [holding up an old Roman coin]  Even when you had this coin to inspire you?

  Julia Brougham : Why, that's the one that you gave to Henry, professor.

  Dudley : Yes, I, uh, I stole it off the table.

  Prof. Wutheridge : You wasted your time, Dudley. It's worthless.

  Dudley : Oh, on the contrary. This is one of the rarest of all antiquities. Only 100 of these coins were minted by Julius Caesar 2000 years ago. That was when Cleopatra visited Rome. Presumably, these coins were used to pay her hotel bill.

  Prof. Wutheridge : I never knew that.

  Dudley : Well, nobody knew about it, except, uh, Caesar's wife.

  Julia Brougham : She was suspicious?

  Dudley : Definitely. She did *not* share her husband's admiration for Cleopatra. So she had these coins destroyed, melted into ornaments for herself. This is the one she missed. It's an unwritten chapter in history, and you, professor, will write it.

  Prof. Wutheridge : [showing some growing curiosity]  Do you know any more stories like that?

  Dudley : Oh, any number of them.

  Prof. Wutheridge : You're a curious fellow, Dudley.

  Julia Brougham : Have you just begun to notice that?

• Prof. Wutheridge : Dudley...

  Dudley : Yes, my friend?

  Prof. Wutheridge : There's one thing that troubles me. One thing I wish I knew.

  Dudley : What's that?

  Prof. Wutheridge : Well, I'm an old man. That history is a tremendous task. I wonder... will I have time to finish it?

  Dudley : You'll finish your history, Professor. You'll have time.

  Prof. Wutheridge : I believe you, Dudley.

  Prof. Wutheridge : [Dudley hands him the old Roman coin]  You know, for quite a while now, every time I pass the cemetery, I've felt as if I were apartment hunting.

  Julia Brougham : [Julia and Dudley are heading for the door]  Goodbye, Professor.

  Prof. Wutheridge : You've given an old man a very happy afternoon... God bless you both.

  Dudley : Thank you. I'll pass that recommendation along.

• Prof. Wutheridge : How about dropping into my humble diggings for a bit of Yuletide cheer?

  [Dudley and Julia agree, and the trio head off to the professor's place] 

  Prof. Wutheridge : There's a little sherry left. It's rather inferior grade, but potable.

  Dudley : [noticing the Christmas tree]  Professor, I see you're quite a religious man.

  Prof. Wutheridge : What makes you think that?

  Dudley : You have an angel on your tree.

  Prof. Wutheridge : Well, Julia gave me that years ago.

  Julia Brougham : Why, your tree is beautiful, Professor.

  Prof. Wutheridge : It's disgraceful! However, it gives me the illusion of peace on earth, good will toward men.

• Julia Brougham : Why don't you show us the manuscript of your book, professor? Will you?

  Prof. Wutheridge : My book?

  Julia Brougham : Yes, please.

  Prof. Wutheridge : Oh, no, no, no, no.

  Dudley : You're writing one?

  Prof. Wutheridge : Yes.

  [... then gives Dudley a suspicious look] 

  Prof. Wutheridge : You didn't know?

  Dudley : You didn't tell me.

  Prof. Wutheridge : I described that book in detail in the course of lectures I gave at the university in Vienna. *All* my pupils heard me.

  Prof. Wutheridge : [turning to Julia]  Now I'm certain this fellow's an impostor.

  Dudley : Oh, *that* book? I thought you'd finished that years ago.

  Prof. Wutheridge : I'll tell you... I'll tell you about my book. For 20 years I've been talking about it. I've been promising the publishers that it would be delivered next spring. The funny part of it is, in all that time, I haven't written one word. Not one word.

  Julia Brougham : Why not?

  Prof. Wutheridge : I couldn't think of anything original to say. Just the same old monotonous history, dry as dust. That's the whole story of my life. Frustration. It's a chronic disease... and it's incurable.

  Prof. Wutheridge : [continues]  Once I was madly... Once I was madly in love with a girl. My friends, she was a vision of delight. A pure enchantress.

  Julia Brougham : Why, you've never told me about that.

  Prof. Wutheridge : No, that's just the trouble. I never told her about it either. I couldn't find the words. So she married an athlete. A great hulking oaf who never even reached the eighth grade. But he knew how to say, "I love you." Same trouble with my book. Can't find the words.