- Mary 'Mame' Carson: [This is the cut out speech that Jane Russell makes during her song, "Lookin' for Trouble"] That's all I need, is a man! Any type, any style! Just so, he's a man! Now, he can be short, tall, or elongated! He can be thin, muscular, obese... that's fat, you know! Any direction will do. He can be sweet, sensitive, intelligent, a little coy, but not a boy! Now, don't get me wrong! 17 to 70 will do! It ain't the age, it's the attitude! However, there is one requisite I must make: he has to be... brief! So bring him on, stand back, and watch my own private chemical reaction start to work!
- Pierre DuQuesne: Have you seen a lovely young lady, one of my lost chicks, with beautiful big - eh, brown eyes?
- Pierre DuQuesne: You have your own peculiar, eh,
- [looks down at Mame's chest]
- Pierre DuQuesne: riches. Shall we go aboard?
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Well, mer-sea.
- 'Waco' Mosby: A longs way back, Mary's Pa and me is in a crooked poker game down in El Paso.
- Reporter in Hotel Room: How did you know it was crooked?
- 'Waco' Mosby: I was dealin'.
- Annie Farrell: Now, look here, Chesty, just because this guy gave you back to the Indians, is no reason to commit social suicide. You can't go running around in that nifty little item you're wearing either. Mame, I made that for you five years ago.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: I didn't want to be conspicuous.
- Annie Farrell: Conspicuous? Why you look like something before television.
- 'Waco' Mosby: Well, I can just about tell you where he spent his money.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: He's just naturally friendly.
- 'Waco' Mosby: Well, look, he better not get naturally friendly around you. He's a genuine snake in the grass.
- George Hodges: What did I do?
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Well, you took Katy away from here didn't you? Says I've been as ornery as a bull makin' the matin' season. Best Secretary I ever had. Best friend I ever had! And then this snake crawls into the Garden of Eden and hands her an apple.
- George Hodges: Szzzzzzz.
- 'Waco' Mosby: Well, by gosh and by glory, what are you hangin' around here for? You ought to be doin' somethin' about that.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Like what?
- 'Waco' Mosby: Look, oil ain't the only thing you're rich in, girl. If I was that Phil Barton and hadn't seen hide nor hair of you in six weeks, I'd come stompin' through that door expectin' to see somebody dressed up like a jezebel in curls and all that stuff. Not with your tail bustin' out of a pair of saddle-worn Levis.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Another day, another million dollars.
- 'Waco' Mosby: Well, don't let it get you down, Mame.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: I think I inherited a little wildcattin' blood from my Dad. I think I'll take a flyer on my own.
- Katherine 'Katy' Hodges: That's one thing we found out on the honeymoon. You don't need people around, you can get pretty crowded all by yourselves.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Claire!
- Maid: Yes 'em.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: [singing] B'you-Boom-boom-boom-bebop!
- Mary 'Mame' Carson, Maid: B'you-Boom-boom-boom-bebop!
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Oh, gosh! Phil will be here any minute and I gotta get outta these pants and into somethin' slinky. Well, I got to get cleaned up a little bit, you.
- Katherine 'Katy' Hodges: Well, what do you know.
- George Hodges: Somebody's gone and told her there's a difference between boys and girls.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Would you like a drink?
- Phil Barton: Thanks.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Uno momento. Let's see. A jigger of bourbon, a dash of bitters, and a dash of soda.
- Phil Barton: I see you haven't forgotten, huh?
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Nah. I never forget anything I really want to remember.
- George Hodges: May I say, Miss Carson, that you look like something against the law?
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Thank you, George.
- George Hodges: The occasion calls for champagne; which, by a lucky happenstance I'm just about to open.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Well, you go right ahead. I'll have a bourbon and branch water.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Well, I guess I'll have to start drillin' again.
- Phil Barton: It'll be a guy who loves you so much, your loot won't matter.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Yeah. Or, a guy who loves my loot so much, I won't matter.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: How come?
- Phil Barton: On the level?
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Straight down the gun barrel.
- 'Waco' Mosby: I've been a tolerable judge of character ever since I been old enough to suck whiskey from a jug.
- 'Waco' Mosby: You're doggone tootin'. We're goin' to Paris and we'll see new faces, meet new people. I hear they got a lot of fereigners over there.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Ah, what's the use. As soon as they find out who I am, they'll run like a jack rabbit or howl like a coyote.
- 'Waco' Mosby: That's it! You just said it.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: What?
- 'Waco' Mosby: They won't know who you are.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: I don't savvy?
- 'Waco' Mosby: We'll go in cognito. We won't tell a soul who you are what you are. We'll sneak out of Texas like s rustler with the law snappin' at his backside.
- 'Waco' Mosby: Nobody will know you're a rich girl. You just be yourself.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Myself.
- 'Waco' Mosby: Yeah! Just like any other girl out to nail some poor unsuspectin' - well, I mean, when you meet fellas it'll be you they'll be after, not your money, because they won't know you got any money. So, if anybody tries to stake a claim, you can bet its based on pure prospectin'.
- Annie Farrell: Dog, if it isn't great to see you!
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Well, I hope to kiss a coyote if it ain't.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Waco takes care of all that?
- Annie Farrell: Listen, how is that dirty old man?
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: He's still lyin' his head off.
- 'Waco' Mosby: I've been a tolerable judge of character ever since I set my milk teeth in my first plug of chewin' tobacco.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Well, I can see success has gone to your figure.
- Annie Farrell: Well, it's metabolism, that's all. You drink a malted milk and lose a pound. Me, I look at a chocolate eclair and my girdle snaps.
- 'Waco' Mosby: You goin' loco? Where's Phil?
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: The groom gave the bride back to the Indians.
- 'Waco' Mosby: Where is he? Where is he?
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Now, you can't send a posse out after him.
- Annie Farrell: Now, don't give me that discouraged tone of voice, Mame. Why, now that you're here, we're going to set mantraps all over New York City.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon on The French Line.
- Annie Farrell: Let me take a look at you Myrtle. Turn around. Oh, your zipper Myrtle. Your zipper! There. Now you look wonderful!
- [spanks Myrtle's behind]
- Annie Farrell: Go, girl, go and sell it!
- Pierre DuQuesne: [singing] With a kiss, with a kiss, with a kiss, A Frenchman always says it with a kiss, On the cheek, On the lips, On the hand, You'll find the ladies always understand...
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: I didn't have any use for that either; so, I gave it back to the Indians too.
- Annie Farrell: Well, those Comanches will have the best dressed Reservation in the Department of Interior.
- 'Waco' Mosby: I declare, Mame, I's gettin' mighty worried about ya. That fella's got girls racked up in there like a trail boss drivin' a herd to slaughter.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: It's nothing personal, Waco. It's just that I'm gettin' tired of being wet nursed.
- Pierre DuQuesne: What's the matter?
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Well, to tell you the truth, I don't feel...
- Pierre DuQuesne: Uh-ha! Mal de mer!
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Yeah, on top of that, I think I'm gonna be seasick.
- Pierre DuQuesne: I know just the cure for that. Eh, garçon. At once. An emergency. Bring me a pewter pitcher, some stout, and two bottles of vintage champagne, Piper-Heidsieck 1945.
- French Waiter: Certainement, Monsieur.
- Pierre DuQuesne: This is a marvelous remedy for mal de mer. It is also good for asthma, chicken pox, and inhibitions.
- Pierre DuQuesne: I'll describe her to you. That is not necessary, Monsieur. There is only one Mary Carson aboard ship. Well, au revoir, Hopalong.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Thanks for the posies.
- Pierre DuQuesne: I wish they were diamonds.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Diamonds? For a girl like me? Want to ruin my reputation?
- Pierre DuQuesne: Reputations were made to be ruined; otherwise, its no fun.
- Pierre DuQuesne: Ah, Paris. Spring. Love. What could be more enchanting?
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: You know, I've never seen Paris.
- Pierre DuQuesne: She's a rare gem. A lovely thing. No matter where you have been or what you have seen, everything is more beautiful in Paris.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Yeah. That's what I always say about Texas.
- Pierre DuQuesne: [offers Mame a cigarette, she says no, he takes one himself, Mame lights it] Ah, Cherie, just wait. After you see Paris
- [sings]
- Pierre DuQuesne: Perhaps you'll stop and take a look at me.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: [reading the card with delivered dozen roses] "To my long stemmed American beauty who should be at the bar with me this instant. Pierre."
- Annie Farrell: Wow! Well
- [spanks Mame's behind]
- Annie Farrell: Go, girl, go.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: [singing] What - is - this - that I feel? Should I blush like a tree of McIntoshs, Am I walking on the air in my goulashes, Or, is this really love?
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: [singing] What is this that I feel? Boo! Is it my heart producing all the drumming? Is it somebody pounding on the plumbing?
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: You're a very nice boy.
- Pierre DuQuesne: I am a man.
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Oh, right. You're a very nice man. You got a lose tongue and a rovin' eye and you send pretty flowers. Hey, you're not hitched are you.
- Pierre DuQuesne: Hitched?
- Mary 'Mame' Carson: Grounded. Married.
- Pierre DuQuesne: Oh, no-o-o-o.