Don't Go Near the Water (1957)

Glenn Ford: Lt. J.G. Max Siegel

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Quotes 

• Gordon Ripwell : You're taking good care of me, kid! Went to Harvard, didn't you, Junior?

  Ens. Tyson : Princeton.

  Gordon Ripwell : Six of one, half a dozen of the other! They're both pantywaist factories. I never go within spittin' distance of a college myself.

  Lt. J.G. Max Siegel : [sotto voce]  I sensed that.

• Lt. Cmdr. Clinton T. Nash : Correspondence Liaison Officer, any report on Admiral Boatwright?

  Lt. J.G. Max Siegel : Yes, sir. He refused to grant the 'Time' and 'Newsweek' interviews.

  Lt. Cmdr. Clinton T. Nash : The admiral's one of those old-fashioned naval types who seems to believe that the Navy is merely a collection of ships.

  Lt. J.G. Max Siegel : Remarkable attitude.

  Lt. Cmdr. Clinton T. Nash : Isn't it! What did he say, exactly?

  Lt. J.G. Max Siegel : Well, he said that the, uh, Public Relations outfit was a, uh, collection of oddballs and freaks.

  Lt. Cmdr. Clinton T. Nash : Doesn't he realize our importance? The invaluable contribution that we're making?

  Lt. J.G. Max Siegel : Well, I'm afraid not, sir. As a matter of fact he suggested we load all the correspondents and public relations oddballs on one ship and steer that one ship right into the middle of Tokyo Bay. 'Cause he figures this would drive the enemy nuts and get the war over one year earlier.

  Lt. Cmdr. Clinton T. Nash : Very funny.

  Lt. J.G. Max Siegel : Well, I thought it was kinda' funny, sir.

• Lt. J.G. Max Siegel : What's ol' Marblehead doing in there? Thinking big or playing with his sextant?

• Lt. J.G. Max Siegel : What would happen to discipline if enlisted men started necking with officers?

• Adm. Junius Boatwright : Do you know how many men there are on a heavy cruiser?

  Lt. J.G. Max Siegel : 1,712, sir.

  Adm. Junius Boatwright : Yeah. And do you realize how long this ship has been in the Pacific?

  Lt. J.G. Max Siegel : 31 months and 13 days, sir.

  Adm. Junius Boatwright : And do you have any notion what the sight of a woman, any woman, but, especially that woman, can do to men who haven't even seen a woman in all that time?

  Lt. J.G. Max Siegel : Yes, sir!

• Lt. Ross Pendleton : You have no idea the variance in loins.

  Lt. J.G. Max Siegel : Well, live and loin, man.

• Adam Garrett : It's about Lt. Alice Tomlen, sir. I just don't think I can take it anymore.

  Lt. J.G. Max Siegel : Take what?

  Adam Garrett : Just bein' around her, sir. The smell of her perfume, watching her put on lipstick, the way she smiles, the way she - crosses her legs.

• Gordon Ripwell : Say, you get around this island quite a lot, don't you, Siegel.

  Lt. J.G. Max Siegel : Enough.

  Gordon Ripwell : When you're jungle hopping around, why don't you line me up one of these Tuluran belles, you know, not too old or too fat.

  Lt. J.G. Max Siegel : I'm sorry. Procuring supplies comes under the head of another department.