The Apartment (1960)

Jack Kruschen: Dr. Dreyfuss

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Quotes 

• Dr. Dreyfuss : [entering his apartment, he suddenly hears loud music starting from next door]  Mildred! He's at it again.

• Dr. Dreyfuss : I don't know what you did to that girl in there - and don't tell me - but it was bound to happen, the way you carry on. Live now, pay later. Diner's Club! Why don't you grow up, Baxter? Be a mensch! You know what that means?

  C.C. Baxter : I'm not sure.

  Dr. Dreyfuss : A mensch - a human being! So you got off easy this time. so you were lucky.

  C.C. Baxter : Yeah, wasn't I?

• Dr. Dreyfuss : Nice veins.

• C.C. Baxter : Look Doc, can't you forget you're a doctor? Let's just say you're here as a neighbor?

  Dr. Dreyfuss : Well, as a doctor I guess I can't prove it wasn't an accident. But as your neighbor I'd like to kick your keister clear around the block!

• Dr. Dreyfuss : [as Baxter sets down a basket of empty bottles]  Say Baxter, the way you're belting that stuff, you must have a pair of cast-iron kidneys.

  C.C. Baxter : Well, that's not ME. It's just, once in a while I have a few people in for a drink.

  Dr. Dreyfuss : As a matter of fact, you must be an iron man all around. From what I hear through the walls, you got something going for you every night.

  C.C. Baxter : Well, I'm sorry if it gets noisy.

  Dr. Dreyfuss : And sometimes there's a twilight doubleheader.

  [Clicks his tongue] 

  Dr. Dreyfuss : A nebbish like you.

  C.C. Baxter : Yeah. Well, I'll see you, Doc.

  Dr. Dreyfuss : You know, Baxter? I'm doing some research at the Columbia Medical Center. I wonder if you could do us a favor.

  C.C. Baxter : Me?

  Dr. Dreyfuss : When you make out your will -- and the way you're going, you should -- would you mind leaving your body to the university?

  C.C. Baxter : My body?

  [Snickers] 

  C.C. Baxter : I'm afraid you guys'd be disappointed. Goodnight, Doc.

  Dr. Dreyfuss : Slow down, kid!

• Dr. Dreyfuss : [Stretching his leg, after a night of marching in the apartment to keep Fran awake]  These cases are harder on the doctor then they are on the patient. I oughta charge you by the mile.