Bye Bye Birdie (1963)

Dick Van Dyke: Albert F. Peterson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ballet manager : This ballet has historic significance. It was performed the same day as the funeral of the Tzar. Lenin himself made the arrangement.

  Albert Peterson : Lenin arranged music?

  Ballet manager : No, funerals.

• Mae Peterson : Now, don't try to pay me back, son. I forgive you. So what if you're an ingrate? So long as you're happy.

  Albert Peterson : I don't wanna be happy!

• Ballet manager : Save your life? Me? My friend, if you are sick, see a doctor.

  Albert Peterson : "If you are sick, see a doctor." You speak English?

  Ballet manager : Saves time.

• Albert Peterson : [singing]  Oh one last kiss... there never was such bliss... I love your dentifrice!

• Albert Peterson : You owe me nothing, even though you were molded by me.

  Rose DeLeon : Molded?

  Albert Peterson : Yeah. Like Eliza Doolittle got molded from Pygmalion.

  Rose DeLeon : I was molded?

  Albert Peterson : What were you when I found you anyway? Hostess at La Casa Enchilada Taco and Tamale Shop.

• Albert Peterson : Suicide is for cowards. I don't desert the woman I love.

  Rose DeLeon : Oh, Albert, I'm sorry. I should have known.

  Albert Peterson : Mama would never get over it.

  Rose DeLeon : Mama?

• Albert Peterson : I don't care what Sullivan pays you. No woman is supporting Albert Peterson.

  Rose DeLeon : Oh, you're not listening, darling.

  Albert Peterson : I am not a gigolo!

• Albert Peterson : I keep tellin' ya, take a taxi.

  Mae Peterson : Taxis? Taxis are for my successful son. A dirty crowded subway is good enough for a mother. Mother's nothin' nowadays. Who's that?

  Albert Peterson : Mommy, you know Rose DeLeon. And guess what?

  Mae Peterson : This is that - pretty Rose DeLeon? Oh, I don't believe it. Rose, what happened to ya? You had a fatal sickness or somethin'?

  Rose DeLeon : It's nice to see you again.

• Albert Peterson : Mama, where have you been?

  Mae Peterson : Neglected! That's where I've been.

• Albert Peterson : The Russians! First they take Czechoslovakia, and now they take my four minutes.

• Ballet manager : [toast]  Zazdarovje Jack Kennedy.

  Albert Peterson : Oh, Long live Joseph Stalin.

  Ballet manager : Oh?

  Albert Peterson : I mean, Stalin - Stalin lived too long. Long live Khrushchev.

• Rose DeLeon : I was living in fantasy, telling myself you were serious.

  Albert Peterson : Oh, Rosie, I was. I am! In here. I've thought and thought about marrying you every day, a lot of nights too.

  Rose DeLeon : I've spent six years on Project Albert.

• Albert Peterson : [singing]  Hand in hand, we'll mosey, Me and little Rosie...