Legendary Herschell Gordon Lewis, future "godfather of gore", invites us to a nudist colony. "Goldilocks & the three bares" is a mixture of comedy and musical, in which the whole (very simple indeed, I must say) plot is just a pretext for showing a viewer a gallery of naked bodies. In the early 1960's that must've been a taboo. Today..., well, we cannot even call this one a sexploitation flick. It's just a silly trifle that may be useful for some anthropologists. What is valuable here for me, it's the spirit of the times - those haircuts, stylish cars, those tender songs that still can make you smile. If you're into this kind of old-fashioned garbage, you probably will be satisfied with Lewis' work. Bad acting, poorly edited - that's the stuff for connoisseurs.
5 Reviews
No, just no
keithomusic6 May 2021
If you are looking for nudity go to the 45 minute mark, otherwise forget it, This movie features a comedian that can't comede, sing, or play the piano. He is just awful. And then there is the singer, who seems to be able to sing at least, if that is really him singing, but his musical choices are mediocre at best, plus he has one of the worst attitudes I have ever seen, he is constantly angry, and he said to his girlfriend, 'I don't care what you think, I care about you', WTF? And you shouldn't really call this a musical just because it has 3 or 4 songs in it. And remember this is from the early 60s so no full frontal nudity. Watch one of the documentaries about nudism instead they are much better than this thing.
A nude musical?
BandSAboutMovies29 May 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Before treating the world to the delights of Blood Feast, the team of Herschell Gordon Lewis and David F. Friedman would introduce us all to the world's first nudist musical. Before Something Weird Video found this movie, it had been lost for 36 years. In the book Taste of Blood: The Films of Herschell Gordon Lewis, author Christopher Wayne Curry said that he hoped the film would be found one day, to which Lewis replied, "Oh my, I hope not."
Nightclub singer Eddie Livingston is after press agent Alison Edwards until he learns the dark secret that she's a nudist. However, his friend, the comic (I use that term incredibly loosely) Tommy Sweetwood sees the joy of the nudist life and plays Cupid to the couple, getting Eddie and Alison to enjoy all manner of activities in their birthday suits, like riding on a boat, swimming ,water skiing and even riding a horse. Soon, they're in love and all is aces, baby.
This film sadly displays little of the fun that Lewis would later employ in his films. It's almost like you're waiting for Faud Ramses to show up and start eating tongues.
That said, I kind of love that former light heavyweight champion Joey Maxim is presented as such a big deal in the film. Watch as he reads his lines off the cuff of his shirt! That said, Maxim had a pretty great boxing career, including defeating British boxer Freddie Mills in a match for the aforementioned title. That match was the last of Mills career, as Maxim hit him so hard that three of Mills' teeth became embedded in one of his gloves.
How strange that what was taboo and sexy in 1963 is quaint and nearly boring today. But hey - a nudie-cutie musical! That's something, right?
Nightclub singer Eddie Livingston is after press agent Alison Edwards until he learns the dark secret that she's a nudist. However, his friend, the comic (I use that term incredibly loosely) Tommy Sweetwood sees the joy of the nudist life and plays Cupid to the couple, getting Eddie and Alison to enjoy all manner of activities in their birthday suits, like riding on a boat, swimming ,water skiing and even riding a horse. Soon, they're in love and all is aces, baby.
This film sadly displays little of the fun that Lewis would later employ in his films. It's almost like you're waiting for Faud Ramses to show up and start eating tongues.
That said, I kind of love that former light heavyweight champion Joey Maxim is presented as such a big deal in the film. Watch as he reads his lines off the cuff of his shirt! That said, Maxim had a pretty great boxing career, including defeating British boxer Freddie Mills in a match for the aforementioned title. That match was the last of Mills career, as Maxim hit him so hard that three of Mills' teeth became embedded in one of his gloves.
How strange that what was taboo and sexy in 1963 is quaint and nearly boring today. But hey - a nudie-cutie musical! That's something, right?
About As Bad as a Nudist Film Will Get
Michael_Elliott9 August 2015
Goldilocks and the Three Bares (1963)
1/2 (out of 4)
Our film takes place at a local club where we meet a singer and a comedian. Soon the two friends meet a couple nice girls who they fall for but the poor guys just can't understand what their women are doing on the weekends when they disappear. They decide to follow and it turns out that the women are members of a nudist colony.
Look, it takes a special kind of person to be able to sit through these nudist camp movies. I understand back in the day men didn't have many options if they wanted to see nude women on a big screen so they were forced to go see these movies. Today, well, let's just say there are more and better options. Of all the nudist movies made by Herschell Gordon Lewis, this here is the worst I've seen to date for a number of reasons.
For starters, the 69 minute running time drags on forever. I really mean it when I say that because this thing felt longer than ROOTS. Another problem is the fact that it's just downright weird in its structure. It takes twenty minutes before we see the first bit of nudity and it's pretty much just a flash. It's over forty minutes before we actually get a good view of the nudist colony. The majority of the running time is the club acts where we get some horrendous comedy bits and pretty bland singing.
GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BARES has a terrific title but it's not used anywhere in the actual film. It's too bad because I'm sure it would have been more interesting than the mess we eventually got.
1/2 (out of 4)
Our film takes place at a local club where we meet a singer and a comedian. Soon the two friends meet a couple nice girls who they fall for but the poor guys just can't understand what their women are doing on the weekends when they disappear. They decide to follow and it turns out that the women are members of a nudist colony.
Look, it takes a special kind of person to be able to sit through these nudist camp movies. I understand back in the day men didn't have many options if they wanted to see nude women on a big screen so they were forced to go see these movies. Today, well, let's just say there are more and better options. Of all the nudist movies made by Herschell Gordon Lewis, this here is the worst I've seen to date for a number of reasons.
For starters, the 69 minute running time drags on forever. I really mean it when I say that because this thing felt longer than ROOTS. Another problem is the fact that it's just downright weird in its structure. It takes twenty minutes before we see the first bit of nudity and it's pretty much just a flash. It's over forty minutes before we actually get a good view of the nudist colony. The majority of the running time is the club acts where we get some horrendous comedy bits and pretty bland singing.
GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BARES has a terrific title but it's not used anywhere in the actual film. It's too bad because I'm sure it would have been more interesting than the mess we eventually got.
H.G. Lewis' non-gore endeavor expectedly fails
ozzfan220 August 2004
Although there were plenty of nudie cutie and sexploitation flicks of the era that dwelled around the novelty of the advent of the nudist beach, "Goldilocks and the Three Bares" is somewhat disappointing in that it actually attempts to create some sort of legitimacy within the genre. Granted, the dialogue isn't entirely cheesy, and the plot itself is somewhat entertaining, it throws the viewer for a loop by tossing in a nudist colony at the end for whatever effect Lewis hoped to achieve. It's not clearly understood what he hoped to achieve with it, since it has no real purpose. If we understood the fact that this movie was all about the nudist colony and the nudist lifestyle, maybe this would work. But the whole previous 2/ 3 of the film is about Eddie getting the girl, and her uncertainty about opening up to him about her secret lifestyle. "Goldilocks," when basically stated, is just not that interesting of a movie. Granted, there are plenty of retro nudie benefits to it, it's hardly worth the high cost of purchasing the new DVD, and hardly worth the time trying to track it down otherwise.
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