Two Mules for Sister Sara (1970)

Shirley MacLaine: Sara

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Sara : Don't you want a woman of your own?

  Hogan : What for?

  Sara : To share your name, bear your children, be a companion.

  Hogan : To ask me to quit drinking, quit gambling and save my money? And to bitch about her aches and pains all day? No thanks!

• Hogan : Sister! This here is a cathouse!

  Sara : Oh no, Hogan. This is no cathouse. This is the best whorehouse in town!

• Sara : [Wants Hogan to bury the three men he's just killed]  Do you have a shovel?

  Hogan : Sister, raise your eyes to heaven.

  [They both look up at the sky, to see vultures circling overhead] 

  Hogan : Now are they or are they not God's creatures?

  Sara : Of course they are.

  Hogan : Well, why do you want to rob them of all this convenient nourishment?

• Sara : The least you can do is take off your hat.

  Hogan : Haven't got time for that.

  [as Hogan kisses Sara, she removes his hat] 

• Hogan : How 'bout you, ma'am? Haven't you ever wanted to be a whole woman? Have a man make love to you? Have children?

  Sara : [Demurely]  I've chosen a different way of life.

  Hogan : Well, what about when you get those feelings that your God gave every woman, including you? You know, I always wondered about that.

  Sara : Well, we're human, of course. When we get those feelings, uh... we pray until they pass.

  Hogan : In your case, sister, just how much prayin' does that take?

• Hogan : By the way, Sister, I guess I owe you an apology. When I was trying to get you up the tree, I...

  Sara : Oh, no apology is necessary, Mr. Hogan. In emergencies, the Church grants dispensation. It's no sin that you pushed me up the tree with your hands on my ass.

  Hogan : [Shocked]  Where'd you learn that kind of English?

  Sara : What kind?

  Hogan : "Ass."

  Sara : Oh, in the convent. Sister Harriet taught us words for parts of the body. This part she called the ass.

  Hogan : Where is this Sister Harriet from, anyway?

  Sara : New Orleans. Why?

  Hogan : I'd sure as hell like to know what she did before she became a nun.

• Sara : [Sensing a mountain lion is nearby, Hogan is having Sara climb a tree for her own safety]  Please, Mr. Hogan. Looking down from heights frightens me.

  Hogan : Then look up.

• Hogan : [knocking on the door]  Sara, open up.

  Sara : I'm taking a bath!

  Hogan : Well, get out of the bath.

  Sara : Will you come back later? I want to be all dressed up for you.

  Hogan : [break down the door with his foot]  Who the hell wants to see you dressed?

• Sara : Hello, Mr Hogan.

  Hogan : How do, Sister?

  Sara : Glad to see you're back safe.

  Hogan : Waiting for the dynamite?

  Sara : And you.

  Hogan : What, me personal?

  Sara : Mm, I missed you. Yeah.

  Hogan : It's felt kinda wrong the past few days not having you slowing me up.

  Sara : Did it?

  Hogan : Yeah, damn it.

  Sara : What's the matter?

  Hogan : Well, you see, there's a problem, Sister... I should have never met up with you in the first place.

• Hogan : Sister Sara, you're gonna slow me up some, but I'm gonna take you to one of those guerilla bands you're looking for.

  Sara : Do you belong to one of them?

  Hogan : Till I get paid, yeah.

  Sara : Paid? You mean in gold?

  Hogan : Well, let's put it this way: they pay me off in tortillas, I'm gonna shoot 'em right in the eye.

  Sara : But the Juaristas are too poor to hire anybody.

  Hogan : Well, I made a deal to work out a plan to take the garrison. If it pays off then I get half the French treasury.

  Sara : Then you don't have any sympathy for their cause?

  Hogan : Not theirs or anybody else's. See I spent two years in a war in the States. Right now, all I'm interested in is money.

  Sara : If money is all you care about then why did you fight in that war?

  Hogan : Everybody's got a right to be a sucker once.

• Sara : [Incapacitated due to the arrow wound, Hogan is having Sara climb a high train trestle to set a charge of dynamite]  If I climb that trestle, I'll fall.

  Hogan : A fine, psalm-singin' hypocrite you are! The French are gonna' slaughter a whole outfit of your Juaristas, and you're the only one who can help 'em. And you won't climb one lousy, stinkin' trestle.

• Sara : Mr. Hogan, you should be happy you're still alive. What do you want from life, anyway? A ranch? Cattle? What do you want?

  Hogan : A ranch? You mean get up at sunrise, go to bed at sunset, rearin' the saddle all day. No thanks, sister, I'd rather be dead. No sister, there's this town called San Francisco that's booming. And if I get this stake, well, I'm gonna' open myself up the biggest gambling saloon in the whole area. With long red mahogany bars and green felt tables. And we'll play roulette, and dice and faro and all those wonderful games. And I realize that doesn't mean much to you, but to me, that's livin'.

  Sara : [Faint smile]  Some men have strange dreams.

• Sara : Sober up! You sober up, you dirty bastard or I'll kill you! Sit up! Now, tell me when to hold my breath... Dear Mary, Mother of God, help this no-good atheist to shoot straight.

  Hogan : Hold your breath.

  Hogan : [after shooting straight at the dynamite]  What did I tell you? Did I or did I not hear you call me a bastard?

  Sara : Well, I suppose whiskey can make a man hear anything. Dear Lord, forgive him for the impurity of his thoughts.

• Sara : [Helping Hogan practice shooting, before the train arrives at the trestle]  Sober up! Sober up, you dirty bastard, or I'll kill ya'!

• Hogan : [Sara has stopped at a small shrine by the road, and begins to pray]  Now what're you doing?

  Sara : I must say a prayer at this shrine.

  Hogan : You said your prayers last night and this morning. You're gonna' wear 'em out.

  Sara : It's a sin to pass a shrine without praying.

  Hogan : Not if you close your eyes, it isn't.

  Sara : Please, Mr. Hogan.

  Hogan : All right. It's a small shrine. Let's make it a small prayer.

• Hogan : You praying for me?

  Sara : Yes!

  Hogan : Well then I must be drunk enough 'cause, damn my eyes, I find that kinda touching.

• Sara : [Sara and Hogan are in the cantina 'El Gato Negro']  You're getting drunk again, are you?

  Hogan : Oh, I never get drunk unless I'm shot by Yaquis.

  Sara : Then why the tequila?

  Hogan : Just to oil up my arm. That's all.

• Hogan : [Sara has returned with a batch of peasants' donated valuables, that will help Hogan purchase dynamite back in Texas]  How did you do?

  Sara : I'm not sure.

  Hogan : You must know if you've got something worthwhile?

  Sara : I just don't know how much it'll bring in Texas...

  Hogan : You don't?

  Hogan : [Looks at the small pile of jewelry, impressed]  This will buy enough dynamite to give my horse a rupture. You did real well for me, Sister.

  Hogan : [in Colonel Beltran's direction]  Uh... for the cause.

  Sara : Maybe this will buy you a bottle of 'medicine' to keep your arm well-oiled.

• Sara : We have to get that trap door open, too, don't we?

  Hogan : You know what you're talkin' about's crazy, Sara.

  Sara : Listen, Hogan, everybody's got a right to be a sucker once.

• Hogan : You let me down, Sister. You let me down.

  Sara : Then why don't you get on your horse?

  Hogan : Because...

  Sara : You're too drunk to ride alone. I'll have to get on with you. Hold on to the mane. Lean back against me. Lean back. Tell your horse to get moving.

  Hogan : I like being in the arms of a good-looking nun. How do you like it, Sister?

  Sara : The Church allows this for your safety but you may not take liberties.

  Hogan : I apologise, ma'am. I most sincerely do.

• Sara : What are you doing?

  Hogan : I'm doing for you what no Holy Virgin's in any position to do.

  Sara : Hah!

  Hogan : We'll walk slowly so as not to stir up this stream bed any more than we have to.

  Sara : Why did you put that dead man on the horse?

  Hogan : A horse with a rider makes a deeper print than a horse without. If we're lucky, the French will follow those ponies. Here... Eat this. I told you to eat something back there. Your stomach keeps growling, we'll have the whole French army on us.

  Sara : These little noises can't be heard. Why are you so angry with me?

  Hogan : Well... maybe a nun ought not be so good-lookin'.

  Sara : The way I look is of no importance. I'm married to our Lord Jesus Christ.

  Hogan : That's what I'm steamed up about, if you'll pardon my being frank.

  Sara : I'm not offended, Brother Hogan.

  Hogan : Don't "Brother" me!

• Hogan : They split up, damn it, and they're catchin' up. I wouldn't just sit there, move.

  Sara : We can't outrun 'em. You can get in here.

  Hogan : I may not shoot all of them but I'll get their attention. Wait, then head on out the other way.

  Sara : You've been a wonderful friend, Mr Hogan. Go with God.

  Hogan : Leave Him out of this, huh? Get movin'!

• Hogan : What about those feelings your god gave every woman, including you? I've always wondered. Well, we're human, of course.

  Sara : When we get those feelings, we pray until they pass.

  Hogan : In your case, just how much praying does that take? What about before you became a nun? Did you ever have a man?

  Sara : No

  Hogan : Ever been kissed by one?

  Sara : No

  Hogan : Haven't you ever laid awake wondering what it would be like?

  Sara : No

  Hogan : All the women I've ever met were natural-born liars but I never knew about nuns till now.

  Sara : You're right. I lied.

  Hogan : I'll say one thing, Sister. I sure woulda liked to have met up with you before you took to them clothes and them vows.

• Hogan : Get me some gunpowder out of my saddle bag. Don't come near me till I tell you. Pour some in your hand... and leave the pouch there. Fill the groove. Fill the groove. That's fine. All right, now comes the hard part. Cos we gotta time this perfect. As soon as I light the powder, you drive the arrow through me and pull it out the other side.

  Sara : What do I hit it with?

  Hogan : Take the knife, put the flat part over the end... and hit it with the gun. And please, Sister Sara, please hit it a straight blow, not a glancing one, huh?

  Sara : What if I don't hit it straight?

  Hogan : The hell with that, my beautiful Sister. The arrow will break off inside me. Now, I know you're an A-1 gravedigger but...

  Sara : All right. What do I do with the moss?

  Hogan : Plug the holes both sides. Push it in about a half-inch. All right. One last swallow and it's up to you, Doc.

  Sara : [Sara prays before pulls out the arror] 

  Hogan : Prayin' for me?

  Sara : Yes

  Hogan : Well, then I must be drunk enough. Damn my eyes, I find that kind of touchin'. One last thing, Sister. The powder will flare up when I light it, so watch yourself.

• Hogan : When I give the signal, you get ready to move.

  Sara : This little cottontail wishes she had that cross back.

• Hogan : Did I or did I not hear you call me a bastard?

  Sara : Well! I suppose whiskey can make a man hear anything. Oh, Dear Lord, forgive him for the impurity of his thoughts!

• Sara : We'd better hurry... I've never seen a train blown to hell-and-gone before.

• Sara : Dear Mary, Mother of God, help this no-good atheist to shoot straight.

• Hogan : [Referring to Sara's lone mule, sparsely equipped]  Your mule?

  Sara : Yes.

  Hogan : No provisions, no canteen? Just how'd you figure on existing?

  Sara : I was confident the Lord would provide.

  Hogan : [Motioning to the bodies of the three men who'd tried to rape her]  Three more like them?

  Sara : He also provided you.

• Hogan : I guess you haven't slept much on the ground.

  Sara : Oh, I'm very tired. I'll sleep.

  Hogan : For somebody who's wore out, you sure got a happy look.

  Sara : It was a miracle you found me when you did, Mr Hogan.

  Hogan : That was no miracle, just an accident and life is full of 'em.

  Sara : No. It was a miracle.

  Hogan : Yes, ma'am. Two men are ridin' along side by side, a bullet ricochets off a rock, kills one of them but not the other - just an accident, no miracle.

  Sara : Then you believe there are no miracles?

  Hogan : Well, um... Now, you take that fella this morning. He could've picked up that stick of dynamite and thrown it back at me before I shot him. Now, that would have been a miracle.

  Sara : [laughing] 

  Hogan : It's nice to hear you laugh, ma'am.

  Sara : You think nuns don't laugh?

  Hogan : I don't know. I never spent the night with one before.

  Hogan : Good night, Mr Hogan. Thank you again for everything.

• Sara : You make very good coffee.

  Hogan : A man on his own has to take care of himself.

  Sara : So you're not married?

  Hogan : Nope.

  Sara : Ever been?

  Hogan : Nope.

  Sara : Want to be?

  Hogan : Nope.

  Sara : Don't you want a woman of your own?

  Hogan : What for?

  Sara : Share your name, bear your children, be a companion?

  Hogan : To ask me to quit drinkin', quit gamblin', save my money and to bitch about her aches and pains? No, thanks.

• Hogan : Remember what I told you about accidents? We didn't have to run across those damn Yaquis but we did. No miracle, just a rotten, lousy accident that's gonna cost me my whole deal. Get me up straight. Get me up straight. You are a beautiful woman, Sister Sara. You feel like a beautiful woman, you smell like beautiful woman.

  Sara : Please, Mr Hogan.

  Hogan : I can't help thinking, that first time I saw you and you were almost naked...

  Sara : You must forget that.

  Hogan : I can't, my beautiful Sister. I don't want to forget. Every night when we bed down next to each other I think of you that way and I want to reach out and touch you and hold you and feel you.

  Sara : I forgive you because I know that if you weren't drunk...

  Hogan : Maybe. Maybe so. But you can't stop a man from wishing. I sure wish you weren't a nun.

  Sara : Please, Mr Hogan.

  Hogan : All right.

• Sara : Oh, no, Mr Hogan. No. - Now, wait a minute. Remember I saved your life.

  Sara : I saved yours today, too.

  Hogan : I saved yours twice from the French.

  Sara : I saved yours twice - the arrow?

  Hogan : What are you gonna do? Are you gonna desert me in my hour of need? What about that rattlesnake when you were hiding?

  Sara : That was easy, no risk at all.

  Hogan : Did I or did I not come to you in your hour of need? This is my hour of need.

  Sara : What kind of need is your need? All you have on your mind is money.

  Hogan : What's more important than that?

• Sara : [after drinking from Hogan's whiskey]  I'm not intoxicated!

  Hogan : Well, you ought to be - that's a hell of a lot of whiskey before breakfast.

  Sara : My faith in god will turn it into water.

• Sara : Why did you put that dead man on the horse?

  Hogan : Because a horse with a rider makes a deeper print than a horse without a rider. If we're lucky, the French will follow THOSE ponies.

• Sara : In Mexico a nun can travel safely among murderers and thieves.

• Sara : [Having eaten for dinner the rattlesnake Hogan had killed earlier - a snake that had thoroughly repulsed her]  It's hard to believe that rattlesnake could taste so delicious.

• Sara : Alright, Mr. Mule. You know you were right. You are as stubborn as my mule.