Five Easy Pieces (1970)

Helena Kallianiotes: Palm Apodaca

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bobby : I'd like a plain omelette, no potatoes, tomatoes instead, a cup of coffee and wheat toast.

  Waitress : [points at his menu]  No substitutions.

  Bobby : What do you mean? You don't have any tomatoes?

  Waitress : Only what's on the menu. You can have a number two, a plain omelette, it comes with cottage fries and rolls.

  Bobby : Yeah, I know what it comes with, but it's not what I want.

  Waitress : Well, I'll come back when you make up your mind

  Bobby : Wait a minute, I have made up my mind. I'd like a plain omelette, no potatoes on the plate, a cup of coffee and a side order of wheat toast.

  Waitress : I'm sorry, we don't have any side orders of toast. I'll give you an English muffin or a coffee roll.

  Bobby : What do you mean you don't make side orders of toast? You make sandwiches, don't you?

  Waitress : Would you like to talk to the manager?

  Palm Apodaca : Hey, mac...

  Bobby : Shut up.

  [to the waitress] 

  Bobby : You've got bread and a toaster of some kind?

  Waitress : I don't make the rules.

  Bobby : OK, I'll make it as easy for you as I can. I'd like an omelette, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce, and a cup of coffee.

  Waitress : A number two, a chicken salad sand. Hold the butter, the lettuce, and the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?

  Bobby : Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a cheque for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.

  Waitress : You want me to hold the chicken, huh?

  Bobby : I want you to hold it between your knees.

  [Palm Apodaca sniggers] 

  Waitress : [points at a sign behind her]  You see that sign, sir? Yes, you'll all have to leave! I'm not taking any more of your smartness and sarcasm!

  Bobby : You see this sign?

  [he sweeps all the glasses off the table onto the floor] 

• Palm Apodaca : Hey, follow that truck. They know the best places to stop.

  Rayette : That's an old maid's tale.

  Palm Apodaca : Bullshit! Truck drivers are the only ones that know the best places to stop on the road.

  Rayette : Salesmen and cops are the ones. If you'd ever waitressed, honey, you'd know that.

  Palm Apodaca : Don't call me honey, mac.

  Rayette : Don't call me mac, honey.

• Bobby : Where are *you* goin'?

  Palm Apodaca : Alaska.

  Bobby : Alaska. What are you: on vacation?

  Terry : She wants to live there 'cause it's cleaner.

  Bobby : Cleaner. Cleaner than what?

  Palm Apodaca : You don't have to tell everybody about it. Pretty soon they'll all go there and it won't be so clean.

  Bobby : What makes you think it's cleaner?

  Palm Apodaca : I saw a picture of it. Alaska's very clean. It appeared to look very white to me. Don't you think?

  Bobby : Yep. That was before the big thaw.

  Palm Apodaca : Before the what?

• Palm Apodaca : I mean then it wouldn't be filthy with uh Coke bottles and whisky and uh -

  [takes a puff on her cigarette] 

  Palm Apodaca : - those signs everywhere. They should be *erased*! All those signs selling you crap and more crap and more crap. And I - I don't know. I don't know. I don't even want to talk about it.

• Palm Apodaca : Fantastic that you could figure that all out and lie that down on her so you could come up with a way to get your toast. Fantastic!

  Bobby : Yeah, well, I didn't get it, did I?

  Palm Apodaca : No, but it was very clever. I would have just punched her out.

• Palm Apodaca : You know, I read where they, uh, invented this car that runs on, ummm... that runs on, ummm... when you boil water?

  Terry : Steam.

  Palm Apodaca : Right, steam. A car that you could ride around in and not cause a stink. But do you know they will not even let us have it? Can you believe it? Why? Man! He likes to create a stink! I mean, I've seen filth that you wouldn't believe. Ugh! What a stink! I don't even want to talk about it.

• Palm Apodaca : People. Animals are not like that. They're always cleaning themselves. Did you ever see, umm... pigeons? Well, he's always picking on himself and his friends. They're always picking bugs out of their hair all the time. Monkeys too. Except they do something out in the open that I don't go for.

• Palm Apodaca : Disposal. What's that but more crap? I've never seen such crap.

• Palm Apodaca : I had to leave this place because I got depressed seeing all the crap. And the thing is, they're making more crap, you know? They got so many stores and stuff and junk full of crap I can't believe it.

  Bobby : Who?

  Palm Apodaca : Who? Man, that's who. Pretty soon there won't be any room for man. They're selling more crap that people go and buy than you can imagine. Crap.

• Palm Apodaca : [about her 1957 Dodge Coronet]  Look at my car! Look at my car! I just bought it brand new from a used car lot, and the steering goes to pot on me!

• Palm Apodaca : Mass production is what does it.

  Terry : What do you mean, mass?

• Palm Apodaca : It's just filthy! People are filthy. I think that's the biggest thing that's wrong with people. I think they wouldn't be as violent if they were clean, because then they wouldn't have anybody to pick on! Dirt. Not dirt. See, dirt isn't bad. It's filth. Filth is bad. That's what starts maggots and riots.

• Palm Apodaca : I have to come out and tell you the truth. You're not that clean either.

  Terry : Wait a minute. I'm not that neat maybe, but I am clean.

  Palm Apodaca : Well, you're not that bad.

• Palm Apodaca : I wouldn't be a waitress. They're nasty and full of crap.