- Diane Blackstock: [about a plate of food that accidentally ended up on the floor] You can't serve that now!
- Marlon: It's for Shadrach.
- Diane Blackstock: Fair enough.
- [Shadrach has drunk a whole bottle of communion wine]
- Ethan Blake: What do you usually do with him?
- Zak Dingle: Wish he'd never been born!
- Matthew King: [regarding Charity] Yeah, well, let's just say she's not my type.
- Jimmy King: Yeah, I'd say Thelma-Louise
- [Paul Lambert's drag-queen]
- Jimmy King: was more your style!
- Eric Pollard: More chance of a stimulating conversation in a graveyard.
- Louise Appleton: Must've heard you were coming, Eric.
- Delilah 'Del' Dingle: [regarding Carl King] I've got to face it, Val. It's Chas he wants.
- Val Lambert: Well, Chas should have been around for him then. Absence makes the heart grow fungus!
- Matthew King: [regarding Sam Dingle] So... Simple Sam's had a baby, then?
- Carl King: Awww, come on. He was made up!
- Tom King: That lad would be made up if you gave him a yo-yo...
- Val Lambert: [to Eric Pollard] 65 years on the clock, and not a friend in the world! Enjoy your old age, Counsellor Pollard!
- Laurel Potts: Oh, it's like me, I'm never so assertive when I'm on my own. My mirror has had more time lashings. I'm sure it winces every time I go near it.
- Bettina 'Betty' Eagleton: Probably your face, love!
- [Betty starts to laugh and naively, Laurel starts to laugh with her]
- Terry Woods: Trouble in paradise?
- Christopher 'Chris' Tate: There were no children in the garden of Eden.
- Christopher 'Chris' Tate: [talking to Debbie about math] Don't let anybody tell you that two wrongs don't make it right.
- Viv Windsor: Be honest, Marlon. Am I overbearing?
- Marlon: Weeeell, you do, sort of, lean, towards the, erm, military campaign approach.
- Jimmy King: A day which has been etched in my memory... as I'm sure it will be in yours. Perhaps Dad would like to tell us all why he had his tongue, down Sadie's throat earlier.
- Matthew King: [angrily, after stunned silence] Is this true?
- Sadie King: No... it... it wasn't like that!
- Jimmy King: You should have heard him! Begging for it, he was. "All this could be yours, Sadie!" Hands everywhere. And, like the practised whore she is, she got right into it!
- Matthew King: You're sleeping together? You and me father? YOU two?
- Sadie King: Why the hell would I do that?
- Matthew King: You mercenary gold-digger! Yer sick! You call the man DAD for God's sake!
- Rodney Blackstock: Eric, if you don't belt up, I shall thump you.
- Eric Pollard: [in chuckle] Sorry? I really am sorry. You must be devastated.
- Rodney Blackstock: Twerp.
- Diane Blackstock: [shouting into the pup] I am not having the menopause! I had it five years ago! Have you all got that through there?
- Jimmy King: So, let's just get something clear, you're not a full time poof, you just help when they're busy?
- Ivan Jones: [sarcastically] Oh that's really witty, Jimmy, really original!
- [walks off angrily]
- Jimmy King: What's the matter, don't you like me aftershave?
- Ivan Jones: Why, did you want a few tips?
- Jimmy King: Oy, you'll be short of a few teeth in a minute!
- Matthew King: Face it, Jimmy, in my position you'd have done the same thing!
- Jimmy King: That's where you're wrong, cause me, I've got morals!
- Sadie King: Yes, but you haven't got the haulage business, have you?
- [sneers]