Black Christmas (1974)

Marian Waldman: Mrs. Mac

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mrs. Mac : [mocking Mr. Harrison]  "I didn't sent my daughter here to be drinking and picking up boys." Tough shit! I was supposed to be responsible

  [takes hearty swig from bottle of wine] 

  Mrs. Mac : for the morals of every girl in this Goddamn house. These broads would hump the Leaning Tower of Pisa if they could get up there!

• Mrs. Mac : [looking at a hideous nightgown gift the sorority girls have given her]  Jesus, I wouldn't wear this to have my liver out!

• Barb : Did you know, this is a very little known fact, but... did you know that there's a certain species of turtle that... there's a certain species of turtle that can screw for three days without stopping. You don't believe me, do you? Well, I-I mean, how could I make something like that up?

  Mrs. Mac : Ah, Barb, dear, ah, I-I-I-ah...

  Barb : No, really! They just... three days, 24 hours a day, wha-voom! Wha-voom! Wha-voom! Can you believe that, three days? I'm lucky if I get three minutes! Do you know how I know this? Because I went down to the zoo and I watched them. It was very boring. Well actually, um, I, uh, didn't stay for the whole three days, I went over and I watched the zebras, because they only take thirty seconds! Premature ejaculation!

• Mrs. Mac : [singing as she packs her suitcase]  Alligators come through the gate, but goodbye leg if ya get away late! Lollies love to pop!

• Mrs. Mac : Oh goddammit, Claude, you little prick!

• Mrs. Mac : [on her nightgown gift]  Well, thank you, girls. It's lovely, really...

  [muttering] 

  Mrs. Mac : Got about as much use for this as I do a chastity belt.

• Barb : [to staid Mr. Harrison, drunk and slurring her words:]  Do you know...? This is a very little-known fact, but... Did you know that there's a certain species of turtle... a... there's a certain species of turtle... that can *screw* for three days without stopping?

  [wide-eyed response] 

  Barb : You don't believe me, do you? But, I - I mean, how can I make something like that up?

  Mrs. Mac : Uh... Barb, dear, uh, I - I - I...

  Barb : No, really! They just... three days, twenty-four hours a day, va-voom... va-voom... va-voom...

  [her hands imitate fornicating tortoises] 

  Barb : Can you believe that, three days? The most I get is three minutes.

  [drunken smile] 

  Barb : Do you know how I know this? It was... I went down to the *zoo* and I watched them.

  [all the time, the frowning face of Mr. Harrison, and Mrs. Mac stands there with a plastered-on smile] 

  Barb : It was ve-ry boring. Well, actually, uh, I, uh, didn't stay for the whole three days. I went over and I watched the *zebras,* because...

  [through giggles:] 

  Barb : they only take thirty seconds. Premature ejaculation...

  [collapses in a heap of laughter]