- Uncle Albert: Craig?
- Craig Blake: Yes, Uncle Albert?
- Uncle Albert: What happens to body builders when they get old?
- Craig Blake: They die.
- William: [to Craig] Your grandmama, your grandmama, bless her soul. If she could see what you're doing down here in her living room, where she entertained quality born ladies and gentlemen, she'd come out of that picture on the wall and drive a butcher knife through your heart and I would help her.
- Mary Tate Farnsworth: I really like the way you look. Except for that. What is that? It looks like a baby squirrel's tail.
- Craig Blake: Look out, don't get no poop on ya now.