The Cheap Detective (1978)

Madeline Kahn: Mrs. Montenegro

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lou Peckinpaugh : This signature's been tampered with. Your name isn't Denise Manderley, is it?

  Mrs. Montenegro : No. It's Wanda Coleman.

  Lou Peckinpaugh : Then why does your driver's license say Gilda Dabney?

  Mrs. Montenegro : I believe my life is in danger; that's why I've taken so many precautions. My real name is... Chloe Lamar.

  Lou Peckinpaugh : Well, thank you, Miss Lamar. I appreciate your honesty. Now can you tell me why you let yourself in with this passkey to search my office? What is it that you were looking for?

  Mrs. Montenegro : Uh, to be perfectly frank, your bathroom.

  Lou Peckinpaugh : I don't have any.

  Mrs. Montenegro : Yes! I found that out a little too late...

  Lou Peckinpaugh : All right, can we stop playing games now? It isn't Manderley, or Coleman, or Dabney, or even Lamar, is it? The initials on this handkerchief are A.P. - what does A.P. stand for?

  Mrs. Montenegro : Alma Chalmers.

  Lou Peckinpaugh : Chalmers begins with a C! This is a P!

  Mrs. Montenegro : Palmers. Alma Palmers.

  Lou Peckinpaugh : You give me the runaround one more time and I'm going to slap you around this office. I don't care what your name is any more. Just make one up, so I know what to call you!

  Mrs. Montenegro : Vivian Purcell.

  Lou Peckinpaugh : That's better.

  Mrs. Montenegro : Carmen Montenegro. That's my last one, I promise!

• Lou Peckinpaugh : Miss De Vega, I presume.

  Mrs. Montenegro : Mr. Peckinpaugh, you look startled.

  Lou Peckinpaugh : Oh, no, it's just that, uh, you look like... fourteen other dames that was here the other night.

  Mrs. Montenegro : Yes, I know. They were my sister.

  Lou Peckinpaugh : Well, that explains the resemblance.

  Mrs. Montenegro : Not to me - she was adopted!

  Lou Peckinpaugh : Yeah? Well, so am I, but... I don't look like your sister either.

• Lou Peckinpaugh : Don't call me for three days, and when you do, use your real name. By the way, what is it?

  Mrs. Montenegro : Mary Jones. I swear it, Lou.

  Lou Peckinpaugh : Well, change it. It sounds phony.

• Lou Peckinpaugh : [answering phone]  Yeah?

  Mrs. Montenegro : Mr. Peckinpaugh, I think I have some information regarding the untimely death of your late, deceased, murdered partner.

  Lou Peckinpaugh : Who is this?

  Mrs. Montenegro : As the Chinese say, never mind. We must be careful; I'm being watched. Can we meet in your office in fifteen minutes?

  Lou Peckinpaugh : All right. What time is it now?

  Mrs. Montenegro : I'd rather not tell you that until I know I can trust you.

  [hangs up] 

• Lou Peckinpaugh : You mean you married your own father?

  Mrs. Montenegro : It's not like you think. It was a simple wedding, done very tastefully.

  Lou Peckinpaugh : I'm sure it was. If you could just give me his name...

  Mrs. Montenegro : Vladimir Tserijemiwtz.

  Lou Peckinpaugh : Vladimir Tserijemiwtz. How do you spell that?

  Mrs. Montenegro : I'm not sure. Well, we were never that close.