- Mary Beth McFadden: Bless me, father, for I have sinned. It's been one year since my last confession. Father, I have on occasion used foul language. I have lied, not just little white lies, but great, big, sinful ones. I shoplift all the time, Father.
- Astounded Husband: Darling!
- Mary Beth McFadden: I'm an exhibitionist, Father. I like to expose myself to strangers, especially authority figures. I hold the neighborhood record for most repairmen satisfied in a single afternoon. I have an enormous collection of vibrators, Father. I have them in all assorted sizes. I have one that's in the shape of a crucifix. My God it's gorgeous. Oh my God, I put it up and put pictures up on the wall of all kinds of things. I listen to Barry Manilow, and over and over and over again, I think of priests and nuns, and that movie the Exorcist, how did it go, rrraaahhheeerrr?
- Hubert Downs: Walter, if you come on down I promise if we're ever in the shower together again I won't snap your nuts with my towel.
- Hubert Downs: Let me handle this. Hey, Walter, listen, you're making a big deal out of nothing. You're not unique, you know. Everyone in class had sex with your sister.
- Dr. Robert Young: He was institutionalized shortly after graduating from here. He committed a heinous crime against his parents with an upright vacuum cleaner.
- [while hiding in a cupboard]
- Bunny Packard: Whoever has his hand where his hand shouldn't be please remove it... Hubert.
- Hubert Downs: Hey, Bunny, it's not my hand!
- Bunny Packard: You know, you should consider going into public relations, Delores. You would be marvellous!
- Delores Salk: Why? So I could be some tight-assed phoney bitch like you?
- Bunny Packard: Right.
- Delores Salk: You know, I like it! Hey, let's have lunch!
- Bunny Packard: Good!
- [last lines]
- [everyone shouts: Walter! Hey, it's Walter! as Walter hops in wearing a straightjacket]
- Walter Baylor: Hee-hee! What a great bunch of kids!
- Vampire Guy: [emergency vehicle sirens in the background] Walter? I think your ride is here! Hey everybody, let's do the Walter!
- Dr. Robert Young: I know Walter Baylor intimately.
- Meredith Modess: Really? Well, did you know he was going to kill Milt?
- Dr. Robert Young: Yes.
- Meredith Modess: Then why didn't you try to stop him?
- Dr. Robert Young: I couldn't find a parking spot.
- Gary Nash: Erm, Meredith would you, er, I mean could you?
- Meredith Modess: Gary, are you asking me to marry you?
- Gary Nash: Yeah!
- Meredith Modess: Oh, yes, I'd love to be Mrs Gary, erm...?
- Gary Nash: Nash! Gary Nash!
- Hubert Downs: Hey, erm, Iris? Howdya like to marry me, huh?
- Iris Augen: Oh Hubert! You mean it?
- Hubert Downs: Sure. We'll settle down, have a couple of kids.
- Iris Augen: Yeah, one like you and one like me!
- Hubert Downs: Perfect!
- Walter Baylor: Listen! How about we all sing the Borden Loyalty Song, huh?
- Delores Salk: No! I didn't sing that fucking song in school, and I ain't singing it for you, fuzz-nuts!
- Hubert Downs: [Walter is threatening to stab Meredith] Walter, can we see her naked before you kill her?
- Bob Spinnaker: [Looking down at Hubert's body] Poor ignorant bastard.
- Delores Salk: Should I cremate him?
- Bunny Packard: No! What happened to him?
- Bob Spinnaker: Seems as though Walter Baylor has struck again.
- Bob Spinnaker: Well... at least he died in the Girl's Convenience and not on a battlefield somewhere.
- Chip Hendrix: What Carl Jung was trying to say is that trapped inside of each of us, there is a woman that comes out when we fuck up real bad.
- Carl Clapton: You mean, there's a woman trapped inside of me?
- Chip Hendrix: Yeah.
- Carl Clapton: A black woman or a white woman?
- Chip Hendrix: A Jewish woman.
- [Both laughing]
- Chip Hendrix: I don't... I don't... I don't... I don't know.
- Carl Clapton: You mean, when I fuck up as a man, the woman inside comes out?
- Chip Hendrix: Yeah. Yeah well look, now do you understand what l'm talking about?
- Carl Clapton: No. Man, have you ever thought of me as a woman?
- Chip Hendrix: No, but I have thought of you as a farm animal.