Twice Upon a Time (1983)

James Cranna: Rod Rescueman, Scuzzbopper, Frivoli Foreman, Rusher of Din - Street Preacher

Quotes 

• Flora : Uncle Greenie, where are you?

  Greensleeves : Under the door, ya twit!

  Rod Rescueman : That's a pretty stupid place to be when people are knocking doors down!

• Rod Rescueman : [Flying in with fanfare]  Hello.

  The Fairy Godmother : Yes, who are you?

  Rod Rescueman : My name is Rod Rescueman.

  The Fairy Godmother : And what do I learn from that?

  Rod Rescueman : My name.

• Rod Rescueman : I'm a super hero!

  Fairy Godmother : You're kidding

  Rod Rescueman : I'm actually not a full fledged one, I'm on my learner's permit but that's almost as good.

  Fairy Godmother : You have a resume, perhaps I could check something out?

  Rod Rescueman : Yeah I do, right here. It's a blank piece of paper but it is notarized and it's legal signed.

  Fairy Godmother : You've made my day! If only I could give you a little test you could show me that you're capable of doing...

  Rod Rescueman : I've got an idea!

  Fairy Godmother : Yes?

  Rod Rescueman : Why don't you give me a test?

  Fairy Godmother : There's an idea!

  Rod Rescueman : Thank you!

  Fairy Godmother : Let me think of something... Here we go, I though of it so very quickly, let's pretend that I'm a damsel in distress.

  Rod Rescueman : You'll be the damsel in distress.

  Fairy Godmother : Better me than you.

  Rod Rescueman : Well I couldn't rescue myself, that doesn't count.

  Fairy Godmother : It really doesn't.

  [flies up onto her desk] 

  Fairy Godmother : OK, to make it a little more interesting I will be a damsel in distress currently on fire.

  Rod Rescueman : At this moment, on fire.

  Fairy Godmother : Here we go.

  [lights a ring of fire around her] 

  Fairy Godmother : Oh, help! Damsel in distress currently on fire! Oh, help!

  Rod Rescueman : This is the test where I show you...

  Fairy Godmother : This is where you jump in and do something!

  Rod Rescueman : Alright, you're on fire...

  Fairy Godmother : Currently!

  Rod Rescueman : Excuse me ma'am! Superheros are very polite!

  Fairy Godmother : [fire stops blazing]  Skip polite, go right back!

  [fire starts blazing again] 

  Fairy Godmother : I now feel molecules charing internally!

  Rod Rescueman : Gotchya!

• Fairy Godmother : Oh, help! Damsel in distress currently on fire!

  Rod Rescueman : Would you like to be rescued?

  Fairy Godmother : [fire stop blazing]  More than life itself!

  [fire begins to blaze again] 

  Rod Rescueman : Let me just suck those flames up then!

  [sucks flames into his mouth] 

  Fairy Godmother : My hero!

  Rod Rescueman : Thank you!

  [blows out flames all over the fairy godmother turning her black and crispy with the top of her wand eventually falling off] 

  Fairy Godmother : Oh, jeez! This is pain!

  Rod Rescueman : Do I get the job, or should we move right onto the shark infested waters test?

  Fairy Godmother : I'll give you the job, you'll get out of here!

• Flora : Uncle Greenie, is it really you?

  Greensleeves : Basically it is, yeah.

  Flora : You're short and bent!

  Greensleeves : I'm short and bent.

  Flora : What happened to my Uncle Greenie, the handsome dashing hero?

  Greensleeves : He got short and bent. But he's glad to see you nonetheless... come here darling, let me give you a kiss you sweet love!

  [sound of kissing] 

  Rod Rescueman : [enviously]  *I* should get short and bent!

• Scuzzbopper : I'm through with nightmare scripts! I'm starting work on The Great Amurkian Novel! Pulitzer Prize, here I come!

• Flora : I am bruis-ed! I am ruin-ed!

  Rod Rescueman : You were rescu-ed!