Memorable quotes for
"'Allo 'Allo!" (1982)

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[repeated line]
René: You stupid woman!

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Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen: Guards! Arrest all Gypsies driving fire engines.

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Capt. Bertorelli: Generalissimo, I embrace you.
[bearhugs von Klinkerhoffen to his extreme distaste]
Capt. Bertorelli: Mussolini has given me a present for you: the Italian War Hero Medal.
[produces medal]
Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen: Ah, the Italian War Hero Medal. I have never seen one of these...

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[upon seeing Leclerc's latest disguise]
René: Man of a thousand faces, every one the same.

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Officer Crabtree: God Moaning. The resist-once have accqo-aired a bum. They are going to ex-plod the whaleway brodge.

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Helga: What about the good news?
Herr Flick: The good news is there is no more bad news.

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René: We will stick out like a carrot in an omelet.

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Edith: Listen carefully, Michelle said this only once.

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Michelle Dubois: Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once.
René: Well, in that case, could you please speak slowly?

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Lt. Hubert Gruber: You notice I am walking very gingerly.
René: Do not tell me you have dynamite in your trousers.
Lt. Hubert Gruber: You should not believe everything you hear, Rene.

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[repeated line]
Michelle Dubois: Listen very carefully; I shall say this only once.

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Edith: Tonight I will sing as I have never sung before.
René: What, in tune?

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Col. Von Strom: Ah, Helga. What can we do for you?
Capt. Hans Geering: Judging from past experience, very little.

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[repeated line]
Capt. Bertorelli: What a mistake-a to make-a.

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[Rene is shaving in the bathroom when there is a knock on the door]
Yvette Carte-Blanche: Rene, what are you doing?
René: Cutting my throat, my love.

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[repeated line]
Roger Leclerc: [lifts glasses] It is I, Leclerc.

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[in order to save René from the duel with Monsieur Alphonse, the colonel intends to have a military practice at the site and kill him in the crossfire]
René: I don't know, is it possible to just wound him?
Capt. Hans Geering: With a 22mm shell, "just wounding" may be difficult.

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Capt. Hans Geering: Rene, your wife has many talents.
Col. Von Strom: Singing isn't one of them.

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[Maria has disguised the airmen as waitresses, so René mimes to them that they must not go upstairs with the Germans]
Flying Officer Carstairs: [turning to Fairfax] What was all that about?
Flying Officer Fairfax: I think he means that if Hitler comes in and wants us to go upstairs with him, we're not to go.
Flying Officer Carstairs: Is he like "that," then?
Flying Officer Fairfax: Oh, yes.
René: [to the others] And they must not speak.
[Rene turns to the airmen and mimes that they must be silent]
Flying Officer Carstairs: What does that mean?
Flying Officer Fairfax: Well, if we do go upstairs with Hitler, we're not to tell anyone.
Flying Officer Carstairs: Well, it's hardly the sort of thing you boast about, is it.

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[repeated line]
Officer Crabtree: Good Moaning.

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[to Herr Flick and von Smallhausen]
Officer Crabtree: Good moaning, Herr Flock. And von Smellhorsen.

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[Officer Crabtree is standing inside the pissoir, using it, when it is demolished by Edith driving Lieutenant Gruber's little tank]
Officer Crabtree: [climbing out of the rubble] There is obviously no piss for the wicked.

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[the airmen have come downstairs, minus their mustaches, dressed as serving girls]
Flying Officer Fairfax: Carstairs, you're standing like a tart again.
[Carstairs drops his arm to his side]
Edith: [looking the airmen up and down] No one will suspect them. They look just like the staff.
René: Edith, the Germans *take* the staff upstairs from time to time. If they took these two upstairs, do you not think that their suspicions will be aroused?
Yvette Carte-Blanche: We are much more attractive. They will take us.
René: And suppose there is a rush?
Flying Officer Carstairs: What are they saying, Fairfax?
Flying Officer Fairfax: I've no idea - it's all in French.

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[the airmen have entered the cafe disguised as pallbearers, when a squad of Germans arrive]
Flying Officer Carstairs: What's going on?
Michelle Dubois: [English accent] Jerries. Keep quite or you'll be shot.
Flying Officer Fairfax: [looking down] We're wearing the right clobber for it.

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[repeated line]
Capt. Hans Geering: [shouts] 'tler!

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[Edith has devised a plan to help get the airmen to the P.O.W. camp via the graveyard]
René: Edith, if this plan fails, there will not be a wall in Nuvion big enough to shoot us all against.

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Flying Officer Carstairs: Look at my knees
[lifts up his "skirt"]
René: Why is he showing you his knees?
Michelle Dubois: He was a scrubber at ze nunnery.
René: No wonder they threw him out.

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[to a member of the Communist Resistance]
Capt. Bertorelli: You are a beyoodiful lyedee, but what a cow.

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[Michelle is disguised as a window cleaner]
René: Hang on a minute. You have not finished my windows.
Michelle Dubois: Screw your windows!

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[repeated line]
Monsieur Alfonse: Oh, my dicky ticker!

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Officer Crabtree: I was pissing by the door when I heard a shat.

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Officer Crabtree: I was pissing by the door, when I heard two shats. You are holding in your hand a smoking goon; you are clearly the guilty potty.

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Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen: Heil Hitler!
Officer Crabtree: Hole Hotler!

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Officer Crabtree: My lips are soiled.

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Yvette Carte-Blanche: What is happening?
Maria Recamier: We were both aroused by the banging.
Edith: I too was aroused by the banging.
Roger Leclerc: I was aroused when I saw the girls with the candles.

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Monsieur Alfonse: Perhaps Madame Edith will make me the happiest man alive...
René: I thought you wanted to marry her?

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Herr Flick: I have a box of sharp needles somewhere.
[opens a drawer]
Herr Flick: Ah, here they are.
Helga: What have you in mind, Herr Flick?
Herr Flick: I have an excellent gramophone and many old records of Hitler's speeches. They are quite amusing.
Helga: Hitler's speeches quite amusing?
Herr Flick: Played at double speed, he sounds like Donald Duck.

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[Hans has accidentally run over Herr Flick's car with a steamroller]
Herr Flick: This is very serious! The Gestapo is only insured for third party!

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Herr Flick: [to the tune of the Hokey Cokey] You put your right boot in, you take your right boot out, you do a lot of shouting and you shake your fists about. You light a little smokie and you burn down ze town, zat's vot it's all about. Ah, Himmler, Himmler, Himmler...
[cut off by telephone]

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René: [to wife Edith] Youuuuuu stupid woman!

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