Ghostbusters (1984)
Dan Aykroyd: Dr. Raymond Stantz
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
Walter Peck : They caused an explosion!
Mayor : Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman : Yes it's true.
[pause]
Dr. Peter Venkman : This man has no dick.
Walter Peck : Jeez!
[Charges at Venkman]
Mayor : Break it up! Hey, break this up! Break it up!
Walter Peck : All right, all right, all right!
Dr. Peter Venkman : Well, that's what I heard!
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Gozer : [after Ray orders her to re-locate] Are you a God?
[Ray looks at Peter, who nonchalantly nods yes]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : No.
Gozer : Then... DIE!
[Lightning flies from her fingers, driving the Ghostbusters to the edge of the roof and almost off; people below scream]
Winston Zeddemore : Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say "YES"!
Dr. Peter Venkman : All right! This chick is TOAST!
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Dr. Peter Venkman : This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor : What do you mean, "biblical"?
Dr. Raymond Stantz : What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Exactly.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler : Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...
Winston Zeddemore : The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman : Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... MASS HYSTERIA!
Mayor : All right, all right! I get the point!
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities, we didn't have to produce anything! You've never been out of college! You don't know what it's like out there! I've WORKED in the private sector. They expect *results*.
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Dr. Egon Spengler : There's something very important I forgot to tell you.
Dr. Peter Venkman : What?
Dr. Egon Spengler : Don't cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Why?
Dr. Egon Spengler : It would be bad.
Dr. Peter Venkman : I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, "bad"?
Dr. Egon Spengler : Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Total protonic reversal.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Right. That's bad. Okay. All right. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.
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Dr. Peter Venkman : [as the Ghostbusters approach Gozer] Grab your stick!
[the Ghostbusters draw their handsets]
Dr. Raymond Stantz , Dr. Egon Spengler , Winston Zeddemore : HOLDIN'!
Dr. Peter Venkman : Heat 'em up!
[they arm their packs]
Dr. Raymond Stantz , Dr. Egon Spengler , Winston Zeddemore : SMOKIN'!
Dr. Peter Venkman : Make 'em hard!
[they rack their handsets]
Dr. Raymond Stantz , Dr. Egon Spengler , Winston Zeddemore : READY!
Dr. Peter Venkman : Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown... THROW IT!
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : Symmetrical book stacking. Just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947.
Dr. Peter Venkman : You're right, no HUMAN BEING would stack books like this.
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Gozer : The Choice is made!
Dr. Peter Venkman : Whoa! Ho! Ho! Whoa-oa!
Gozer : The Traveller has come!
Dr. Peter Venkman : Nobody choosed anything!
[turns to Egon]
Dr. Peter Venkman : Did you choose anything?
Dr. Egon Spengler : No.
Dr. Peter Venkman : [to Winston] Did YOU?
Winston Zeddemore : My mind is totally blank.
Dr. Peter Venkman : I didn't choose anything...
[long pause, Peter, Egon and Winston all look at Ray]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : I couldn't help it. It just popped in there.
Dr. Peter Venkman : [angrily] What? WHAT "just popped in there?"
Dr. Raymond Stantz : I... I... I tried to think...
Dr. Egon Spengler : LOOK!
[they all look over one side of the roof]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : No! It CAN'T be!
Dr. Peter Venkman : What is it?
Dr. Raymond Stantz : It CAN'T be!
Dr. Peter Venkman : What did you DO, Ray?
Winston Zeddemore : Oh, shit!
[they all see a giant cubic white head topped with a sailor hat, Peter looks at Ray]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : [somberly] It's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
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[In a TV commercial]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night?
Dr. Egon Spengler : Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic?
Dr. Peter Venkman : Have you or your family ever seen a spook, spectre or ghost?
Dr. Raymond Stantz : If the answer is "yes," then don't wait another minute. Pick up the phone and call the professionals...
Dr. Raymond Stantz , Dr. Egon Spengler , Dr. Peter Venkman : Ghostbusters.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Our courteous and efficient staff is on call 24 hours a day to serve all your supernatural elimination needs.
Dr. Raymond Stantz , Dr. Egon Spengler , Dr. Peter Venkman : [in unison] We're ready to believe you.
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Man at Elevator : What are you supposed to be, some kind of a cosmonaut?
Dr. Peter Venkman : No, we're exterminators. Someone saw a cockroach up on twelve.
Man at Elevator : That's gotta be some cockroach.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Bite your head off, man.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : [Entering elevator] Going up?
Man at Elevator : I'll take the next one.
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : Gozer the Gozerian... good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.
Dr. Peter Venkman : [Sarcastically] That oughta do it. Thanks very much, Ray.
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Dr. Egon Spengler : I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways, we could reverse the particle flow through the gate.
Dr. Peter Venkman : How?
Dr. Egon Spengler : [hesitates] We'll cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman : 'Scuse me Egon? You said crossing the streams was bad!
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Cross the streams...
Dr. Peter Venkman : You're gonna endanger us, you're gonna endanger our client - the nice lady, who paid us in advance, before she became a dog...
Dr. Egon Spengler : Not necessarily. There's definitely a VERY SLIM chance we'll survive.
[pause while they consider this]
Dr. Peter Venkman : [slaps Ray] I love this plan! I'm excited to be a part of it! LET'S DO IT!
Winston Zeddemore : [all get up to get ready] This job is definitely not worth $11,500 a year.
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : You know, it just occurred to me that we really haven't had a successful test of this equipment.
Dr. Egon Spengler : I blame myself.
Dr. Peter Venkman : So do I.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Well, no sense in worrying about it now.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Yep. Let's get ready. Switch me on!
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : Listen... you smell something?
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : Are you okay?
Louis : Who are you guys?
Dr. Raymond Stantz : We're the Ghostbusters.
Louis : Who does your taxes?
Dr. Raymond Stantz : You know, Mr. Tully, you are a most fortunate individual.
Louis : I know!
Dr. Raymond Stantz : You have been a participant in the biggest interdimensional cross rip since the Tunguska blast of 1909!
Louis : Felt great.
Dr. Egon Spengler : We'd like to get a sample of your brain tissue.
Louis : Okay.
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Winston Zeddemore : Hey Ray. Do you believe in God?
Dr Ray Stantz : Never met him.
Winston Zeddemore : Yeah, well, I do. And I love Jesus's style, you know.
Dr Ray Stantz : The entire roof cap is made out of a magnesium-tungsten alloy...
Winston Zeddemore : What are you so involved with over there?
Dr Ray Stantz : These are the blueprints for structural ironwork of Dana Barret's apartment building, and they are very, very strange.
Winston Zeddemore : Hey Ray. Do you remember something in the bible about the last days when the dead would rise from the grave?
Dr Ray Stantz : I remember Revelations 6:12...?And I looked, and he opened the sixth seal, and behold, there was a great earthquake. And the sun became as black as sack cloth, and the moon became as blood."
Winston Zeddemore : "And the seas boiled and the skies fell."
Dr Ray Stantz : Judgement day.
Winston Zeddemore : Judgement day.
Dr Ray Stantz : Every ancient religion has its own myth about the end of the world.
Winston Zeddemore : Myth? Ray, has it ever occurred to you that maybe the reason we've been so busy lately is 'cause the dead HAVE been rising from the grave?
Dr Ray Stantz : [Pause] How 'bout a little music?
Winston Zeddemore : Yeah.
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[clearing away tables in the dining room to make room for the ghost trap]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : I've gotta get this in the clear...!
Dr. Peter Venkman : Wait, wait, wait! I've always wanted to do this...
[He yanks a tablecloth off of a table, overturning and shattering everything except the centerpiece in the middle]
Dr. Peter Venkman : [triumphantly] And the flowers are still standing!
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us. Mr. Stay Puft!
Dr. Peter Venkman : Nice thinkin', Ray.
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : I think we'd better split up.
Dr. Egon Spengler : Good idea.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Yeah... we can do more damage that way.
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Dr. Peter Venkman : Ray, pretend for a moment that I don't know anything about metallurgy, engineering, or physics, and just tell me what the hell is going on.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : You never studied.
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Dr. Peter Venkman : Egon, what do you think?
Dr. Egon Spengler : [looking up and blinding Peter with his headlamp] She's telling the truth. At least, she thinks she is.
Dana Barrett : Well, of course I'm telling the truth! Who would make up a story like that?
Dr. Peter Venkman : [becoming suave] Some are people who just want attention. Others, just nutballs who come in off the street.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : You know what it could be? Past-life experience intruding on present time.
Dr. Egon Spengler : Could be race memory stored in the collective unconscious. I wouldn't rule out clairvoyance or telepathic contact either.
Dana Barrett : I'm sorry, I don't believe in any of those things.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Well, that's all right. I don't either.
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : Hey... Where these stairs go?
Dr. Peter Venkman : They go up!
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : It's a girl.
Dr. Egon Spengler : It's Gozer.
Winston Zeddemore : I thought Gozer was a man.
Dr. Egon Spengler : It's whatever it wants to be.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Well, whatever it is, it's gotta get by us.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Right!
[pause]
Dr. Peter Venkman : Go get her, Ray!
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : [astounded] Talk about telekinetic activity, look at this mess!
Dr. Egon Spengler : Raymond, look at this.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Ectoplasmic residue.
Dr. Egon Spengler : Venkman, get a sample of this.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : It's the real thing.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Somebody blows their nose and wanna keep it?
Dr. Egon Spengler : I'd like to analyze it.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : There's more over here.
Dr. Egon Spengler : I'm getting stronger readings here.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Whoa, ah.
[Venkman tries to wipe the slime off of his hand]
Dr. Egon Spengler : This way.
[to Venkman]
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[upon seeing the Slimer]
Dr. Peter Venkman : [very uncompfortably] Come in. Ray
Dr. Raymond Stantz : [on the walkie talkie] Venkman! I saw it! I saw it!
Dr. Peter Venkman : It's right here, Ray. It's looking at me.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : He's an ugly little spud isn't he?
Dr. Peter Venkman : I think he can hear you, Ray.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Don't move! It won't hurt you.
Dr. Peter Venkman : [the Slimer charges at Venkman] Aaaaaahhh! Aaaaaahhh!
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[evaluating a site for their business]
Dr. Peter Venkman : What do you think, Egon?
Dr. Egon Spengler : I think this building should be condemned. There's serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it's completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : [shouting from the top of a fireman's pole upstairs] Hey! Does this pole still work?
[slides down]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Wow. This place is great! When can we move in? You gotta try this pole. I'm gonna get my stuff. Hey! We should stay here, tonight. Sleep here. You know, to try it out.
[Venkman looks at Spengler. Spengler slowly shakes his head. Venkman turns to the real estate agent]
Dr. Peter Venkman : I think we'll take it.
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Dr. Peter Venkman : He slimed me.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : That's great! Actual physical contact! Can you move?
Dr. Egon Spengler : [over walkie-talkie] Ray, Ray, come in please.
Dr. Peter Venkman : I feel so funky.
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Hotel Manager : [snaps his finger] Mr. Smith, quickly. I want that door open NOW!
[points at the guy]
Hotel Manager : Donald, stand over there.
Dr. Peter Venkman : [after capturing Slimer] We came, we saw, we kicked its ass.
Hotel Manager : Did you see it? What is it?
Dr. Raymond Stantz : [holding ghost trap like a rat by the tail] We got it.
Hotel Manager : What is it? Will there be any more of them?
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Sir, what you had there is what we refer to as a focused, non-terminal, repeating phantasm or a class-five full-roaming vapor. A real nasty one, too.
Dr. Peter Venkman : And now...
[Peter clears his throat]
Dr. Peter Venkman : ... let's talk seriously. Now, for the entrapment, we're gonna have to ask you...
[Egon holds up four fingers]
Dr. Peter Venkman : ... for four big ones, Four thousand dollars for that. But we are having a special this week on proton charging and storage of the beast...
[Egon holds up one finger]
Dr. Peter Venkman : ... and that's only gonna come to one thousand dollars, fortunately.
Hotel Manager : Five thousand dollars? I had no idea it'd be so much. I won't pay it.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Well, that's all right. We can just put it right back in there. Thank you.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : We certainly can, Dr. Venkman.
[Ray turns back toward the ballroom]
Hotel Manager : [stopping Ray] No, no, NO! All right. Anything.
Dr. Peter Venkman : [handing the manager a check] Thanks so much.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Thank you. Hope we can help you again.
[as he, Peter and Egon leave the hotel, Ray calls out to the witnesses]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Coming through! One class-five full-roaming vapor. Move 'em out.
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : Well, this is great. If the ionization-rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities, we can really bust some heads... in a spiritual sense, of course.
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : Hey, Dean Yeager! Are you moving us to a better office on campus?
Dean Yeager : No, you're being moved off campus. The Board of Regents has decided to terminate your grant. You are to vacate these premises immediately.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : What?
Dr. Peter Venkman : This is preposterous. I demand an explanation.
Dean Yeager : Fine. This university will no longer continue any funding of any kind of your group's activities.
Dr. Peter Venkman : But the kids love us!
Dean Yeager : Doctor... Venkman. We believe that the purpose of science is to serve mankind. You, however, seem to regard science as some kind of dodge... or hustle. Your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe, your methods are sloppy, and your conclusions are highly questionable! You are a poor scientist, Dr. Venkman!
Dr. Peter Venkman : I see.
Dean Yeager : And you have no place in this department, or this university.
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Dr. Peter Venkman : To our first custumer.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : To our FIRST and ONLY customer.
Dr. Peter Venkman : I'm gonna need to draw some petty cash. I should take her out to dinner. We don't wanna lose her.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Uhhh... this magnificent feast here represents the LAST of the petty cash.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Slow down. Chew your food.
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : [after Gozer disappears] We've neutronized it, you know what that means? A complete particle reversal.
Winston Zeddemore : We have the tools, and we have the talent!
Dr. Peter Venkman : It's Miller time!
[the trio shake hands]
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Dr. Peter Venkman : [the Ghostbusters are tiring as they climb twenty-two flights of stairs in their proton packs] Where are we?
Dr. Raymond Stantz : [gasps] Looks like we're in the teens... somewhere.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Well, when we get to twenty, tell me... I'm gonna throw up.
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Dr. Peter Venkman : You're never going to regret this, Ray.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : My parents left me that house. I was born there.
Dr. Peter Venkman : You're not gonna lose the house, everybody has three mortgages nowadays.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : But at 19%, you didn't even bargain with the guy!
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Dr. Peter Venkman : [to the library ghost, as Spengler analyzes her with the P.K.E. Meter and Raymond takes photos] Hello! I'm Peter. Where are you from? Originally.
Library Ghost : Ssshh!
[returns to her reading]
Dr. Peter Venkman : [dejected; motions the others to move behind a bookcase] Alright, okay. The usual stuff isn't working.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Okay, I have a plan. I know exactly what to do.
[they 'stealthily' emerge from behind the bookcase]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : [whispering] Now, stay close. Stay close. I know; do exactly as I say. Get ready! Ready?
[excitedly]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : GET HER!
[the ghost transforms horrifically and snarls aggressively. The trio run away screaming, half in shock, half in amazement]
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Dr. Peter Venkman : See ya on the other side, Ray.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Nice working with you, Dr. Venkman.
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : This is a major disgrace - forget MIT or Stanford, now. They wouldn't touch us with ten-meter cattle prod.
Dr. Peter Venkman : You're always concerned about your reputation. Einstein did his best stuff when he was working as a patent clerk.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : You know how much a patent clerk earns?
Dr. Peter Venkman : No!
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities - we didn't have to produce anything! You've never been out of college: you don't know what it's like out there. I've worked in the private sector... they expect results.
Dr. Peter Venkman : For whatever reasons, Ray - call it fate, call it luck, call it karma... I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that we were destined to get thrown out of this dump.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : For what purpose?
Dr. Peter Venkman : To go into business for ourselves.
[offers Ray a drink, which he reluctantly accepts]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : This ecto containment system that Spengler and I have in mind is gonna require a load of bread to capitalize. Where are we gonna get the money?
Dr. Peter Venkman : I don't know. I *don't* know.
-
[in jail, the Ghostbusters study the blueprints of Dana's apartment building]
Dr. Egon Spengler : The structure of this roof cap is exactly like the kind of telemetry tracker that NASA uses to identify dead pulsars in deep space.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Cold-riveted girders with cores of pure selenium.
Dr. Peter Venkman : [to a cellmate looking over his shoulder blueprints] Everybody getting this so far?
[to Ray]
Dr. Peter Venkman : So what? I guess they just don't make them like they used to.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : [impatiently slaps Peter on the forehead] No! Nobody *ever* made them like this! I mean, the architect was either a certified genius, or an authentic wacko!
Dr. Peter Venkman : Ray... for a moment, pretend that I don't know anything about metallurgy, engineering or physics, and just tell me what the hell is going on.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : You never studied. The whole building is a huge, superconductive antenna that was designed and built expressly for the purpose of pulling in and concentrating spiritual turbulence. Your girlfriend lives in the corner penthouse of spook central.
Dr. Peter Venkman : She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and sleeps above her covers. *Four feet* above her covers. She barks, she drools, she claws...
Dr. Egon Spengler : It's not the girl, Peter, it's the building. Something terrible is about to enter our world, and this building is obviously the door. The architect's name was Ivo Shandor. I found it in Tobin's Spirit Guide. He was also a doctor. Performed a lot of unnecessary surgery. And then, in 1920, he started a secret society...
Dr. Peter Venkman : Let me guess: Gozer worshipers.
Dr. Egon Spengler : Right.
Dr. Peter Venkman : [to Ray] No studying.
Dr. Egon Spengler : After the First World War, Shandor decided that society was too sick to survive.
[He pauses, glancing uneasily at the rest of the holding cell crowd]
Dr. Egon Spengler : And he wasn't alone. He had close to a thousand followers when he died. They conducted rituals up on the roof, bizarre rituals intended to bring about the end of the world. And now it looks like it may actually happen.
[Silence]
Dr. Peter Venkman : [spins around to face another of the inmates, and starts singing] So be good, for goodness sake! Whoa... somebody's coming!
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : Every ancient religion has its own myth about the end of the world.
Winston Zeddemore : Myth? Ray, has it ever occurred to you that maybe the reason we've been so busy lately is because the dead HAVE been rising from the grave?
[long pause]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : [Turns on radio] How 'bout a little music?
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : [training Winston] This is where we put all the vapors and entities and slimers that we trap. Quite simple really. Load a trap here, open, unlock the system. Insert the trap, release, close, lock the system. Set your entry grid, neutralize your field and... the light is green, the trap is clean! The ghost is incarcerated here in our custom-made storage facility.
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Dr. Peter Venkman : Nimble little minx, in't she?
Dr. Egon Spengler : We're gonna go full stream.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Aim for the flattop!
[Ghostbusters shoot at Gozer, but she disappears]
Dr. Peter Venkman : [uncertainly] Wasn't so hard.
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : Oh, I got to get some sleep, I'm dying.
Dr. Peter Venkman : You don't look good.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : I don't?
Dr. Peter Venkman : Well, you've looked better. You didn't used to look like this.
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Dr. Peter Venkman : All right, this chick is TOAST. Okay; sticks?
Dr. Raymond Stantz , Dr. Egon Spengler , Winston Zeddemore : HOLDIN'!
Dr. Peter Venkman : Heat 'em up!
Dr. Raymond Stantz , Dr. Egon Spengler , Winston Zeddemore : SMOKIN'!
Dr. Peter Venkman : MAKE 'EM HARD!
Dr. Raymond Stantz , Dr. Egon Spengler , Winston Zeddemore : READY!
Dr. Peter Venkman : Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown.
-
Dr. Peter Venkman : [looking at the temporary sign on Ghostbusters HQ while a worker is hanging it up] You don't think it's too subtle, Marty, you don't think people are going to drive down and not see the sign?
[hears a siren approaching and an old, gray station wagon pulls up in the driveway]
Dr. Peter Venkman : Whoa! Whoa! You can't park right here!
[looks and sees Stantz in the driver's seat]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : [gets out] Everybody can relax, I found the car. Needs some suspension work and shocks. Brakes, brake pads, lining, steering box, transmission, rear-end.
Dr. Peter Venkman : How much?
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Only $4,800.
[Venkman looks shocked]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Also new rings, mufflers, a little wiring.
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Dr. Peter Venkman : As a friend, I have to tell ya you've finally gone around the bend on this ghost business. You guys have been running your ass off, meetin' and greetin' every schizo in the five boroughs who says he has a paranormal experience. What have you seen?
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Of course you forget, Peter. I was present at an undersea, unexplained mass sponge migration.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Ray, the sponges migrated about a foot-and-a-half.
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[Ray and Peter have been fired]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : This is a major disgrace. Forget MIT or Stanford now. They wouldn't touch us with a 10-meter cattle prod.
Dr. Peter Venkman : You're always so concerned about your reputation. Einstein did his best stuff when he was working as a patent clerk!
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Do you know how much a patent clerk earns?
Dr. Peter Venkman : No!
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Dr. Raymond Stantz : Gozer the Gozerian, good evening. As a duly designated representative of the city, county, and state of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.
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Dr. Peter Venkman : [after capturing Slimer] We came, we saw, we've kick its ass.
Hotel Manager : You've seen it? What was it?
Dr. Raymond Stantz : We've got it.
[Holds up the smoking ghost trap]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Sir, what we have here is what we call a non-repeating phantasm, or a class-5 free roaming vapor, real nasty one too.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Okay.
[Clears throat]
Dr. Peter Venkman : Let's talk serious, for the entrapment, we're gonna ask you for 4 big ones $4,000 for that, but we are having a special this week on proton charging, and storage of the beast, so we are gonna ask for $1,000 fortunate.
Hotel Manager : $5,000 I had no idea it would be so much, I won't pay it.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Oh, that's okay we can just put it right back in there.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : We most certainly can, Dr. Venkman
Hotel Manager : [Stops Ray] No, no, NO! Anything.
[Peter hands the manager a check]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Thank you. We hope that we can help you again.
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Dr. Egon Spengler : I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways, we could reverse the polarity flow through the gate.
Dr. Peter Venkman : How?
Dr. Egon Spengler : [hesitates] We'll cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman : 'Scuse me Egon? You said crossing the streams was bad!
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Cross the streams...
Dr. Peter Venkman : You're gonna endanger us, you're gonna endanger our client - the nice lady, WHO PAID US IN ADVANCE, before she became a dog...
Dr. Egon Spengler : Not necessarily. There's definitely a VERY SLIM chance we'll survive.
[pause while they consider this]
Dr. Peter Venkman : [slaps Ray] I love this plan! I'm excited it could work! LET'S DO IT!
-
[the Victorian Lady Ghost is floating in mid-air, reading a book]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : [excitedly] A full torso apparition, and it's real.
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Dr. Egon Spengler : [about the storage facility] I'm worried, Ray. Boy, it's getting crowded in there, and all my recent data points to something big on the horizon.
Winston Zeddemore : What do you mean "big"?
Dr. Egon Spengler : [Holding a Twinkie] Let's say this Twinkie represents all of the Psychokinetic Energy in the New York area. According to this morning's sample, it'll be a Twinkie...... 35 feet long and weighing approximately 600 lbs.
Winston Zeddemore : [Ray coughs in disbelief] That's a big Twinkie.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : We can be on the verge of a four-fold cross rip. A PKE surge of incredible, even dangerous proportions.
Dr. Peter Venkman : [Coming in] We just got a visit from the Environmental Protection Agency. How's the grid holdin' up?
Dr. Egon Spengler : It's not good.
Winston Zeddemore : [to Egon] Tell him about the Twinkie.
Dr. Peter Venkman : What about the Twinkie?
-
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Funny, us going out like this. Killed by a hundred-foot marshmallow man.
-
Dr. Peter Venkman : [picking up his radio and speaking slowly] Come in, Ray.
Dr Ray Stantz : [excited] Venkman? I saw it, I saw it, I saw it.
Dr. Peter Venkman : [slowly, calmly] It's right here, Ray. It's... looking at me.
Dr Ray Stantz : He's an ugly little spud, isn't he?
Dr. Peter Venkman : [quickly] I think he can hear you, Ray.
-
Dr. Raymond Stantz : [telling Winston, who is new to the team on how to place ghosts in the storage facility] This is where we store all the vapors and entities and slimers that we trap. Very simple, really. A loaded trap here... open, unlock the system... insert the trap... release... close, lock the system. Set your entry grid... neutronize your field... and...
[Ray pulls a lever and the green light comes on]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : ...when the light is green, the trap is clean. The ghost is incarcerated here in our custom-made storage facility.
-
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Personally, I liked working for the university! They gave us money and facilities. We didn't have to produce anything. You've never been out of college. You don't know what it's like out there! I've worked in the private sector... they expect results!
-
[the Ghostbusters exit the elevator. Dr. Egon Spengler charges his proton pack]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Come on.
[Chambermaid enters Hallway/corridor from Hotel Room]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : [Ray and Egon shout and blast her cart with proton beams]
Dr. Peter Venkman : Whoa! Hold it!
Chambermaid : What the HELL are you doing?
Dr. Egon Spengler : Sorry.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Sorry.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : I'm Sorry.
Dr. Peter Venkman : We thought you were someone else. Successful test.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : I guess so. I think we'd better split up.
Dr. Egon Spengler : Good idea.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Yeah, we can do more damage that way.
-
Dr Ray Stantz : [after Ray thinks of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and it appears, stomping through New York City] I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never, ever possibly destroy us. Mr. Stay Puft.
Dr. Peter Venkman : Nice thinking, Ray.
-
[alternate wording from cable TV version]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Your honor, our system was working just fine until the power grid was turned off by wally wick here.
Walter Peck : They caused an explosion!
Mayor : [to Venkman] Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman : It's true, your honor. The man is some kind of rodent, I don't know which.
-
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Alright boys... Ready? Throw it!
[Ghostbusters fire away at Slimer; chandelier falls to the floor]
Dr. Raymond Stantz : I did that, I did that... That's my fault.
Dr. Peter Venkman : It's OK; the table broke the fall.
-
[the Ghostbusters arrive at the Sedgewick Hotel in Ecto-1, fully decked out in uniform and gear]
Dr. Peter Venkman : [entering the main lobby] HEY, ANYBODY SEEN A GHOST?
[a pretty lady goes by. They all stare appreciatively. The Hotel Manager comes running up behind them]
Hotel Manager : Thank you for coming so quickly!
Dr. Peter Venkman : [startled] JESUS!
Hotel Manager : The guests are starting to ask questions and I'm running out of excuses.
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Has it happened before?
Hotel Manager : Well, most of the original staff knows about the twelfth floor; the disturbances, I mean. But it's been quiet for years! Up until two weeks ago. It was never, ever this bad, though!
Dr. Egon Spengler : Did you ever report it to anyone?
Hotel Manager : Heavens, no!
Dr. Peter Venkman : Oh, no. You kidding?
Hotel Manager : The owners don't even like us to talk about it. I hope we can take care of this. Quietly! Tonight!
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Yes sir, don't worry. We handle this kind of thing all the time!
-
Dr. Raymond Stantz : Peter, at 1:40 PM, at the Main Branch of the New York Public Library on Fifth Avenue, 10 people witnessed a free-floating full-torso vaporous apparition.
