Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
Matthew Broderick: Ferris Bueller
Photos
Quotes
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Ferris : Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
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Ed Rooney : Ed Rooney.
Cameron : [disguising voice as George Peterson] Ed. This is George Peterson.
Ed Rooney : How are you today, sir?
Cameron : [voice disguised] Well, we've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard.
Ed Rooney : Yeah I heard, and man, I'm all broken up, boy, what a blow.
Cameron : [disguised] Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, it's been a tough morning and we got a lot of family business to take care of, so if you wouldn't mind excusing Sloane, I'd appreciate it.
Ed Rooney : Uh, yeah, sure, no I'd be happy to, yeah you, uh, you you just produce a corpse, and uh, I'll release Sloane. I wanna see this dead grandmother first hand.
Grace : Ed?
Ed Rooney : It's alright, Grace, it's Ferris Bueller the little twerp. I'm gonna set a trap and let him fall right in it.
Grace : Ooh!
Cameron : [disguised] I'm sorry, Ed, did you say you wanted to see a body?
Ed Rooney : Yeah, that's right, just, uh, roll her old bones on over here, and I'll dig up your daughter. You know that's school policy.
Cameron : [disguised] Oh.
Ed Rooney : Was this your mother?
Cameron : [disguised] Uh, no my wife's mother.
Grace : [picks up ringing phone] Ed Rooney's office.
Ferris : Hi this is Ferris Bueller, can I speak to Mr. Rooney please? Thank you.
Grace : [caught off-guard] Uh... hold.
Ed Rooney : Tell ya what, dipshit. If you don't like my policies you can come on down here and smooch my big ole' white butt.
Grace : ED!
Ed Rooney : Pucker up butter-cup.
[to Grace]
Ed Rooney : What?
Grace : Ferris Bueller's on line 2.
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Ferris : Cameron has never been in love - at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.
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Ferris : Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.
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Ferris : Where's your brain?
Cameron : Why'd you kick me?
Ferris : Where's your brain?
Cameron : Why'd you kick me?
Ferris : Where's your brain?
Cameron : I asked you first.
Ferris : How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney is there with her?
Cameron : I said for her to be there alone and you freaked.
Ferris : Now, I didn't hit you. I lightly slapped you.
Cameron : You hit me. Look don't make me participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion. And-and-and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings.
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Ferris : [after the end credits] ... You're still here? It's over!
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Ferris : Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off people.
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Ferris : [his recorded message for the doorbell] Who is it?
[pause]
Ferris : Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences. You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day!
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[after making a horrible noise with a clarinet]
Ferris : Never had one lesson!
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Ferris : The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom; I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh... you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.
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[last lines]
Ferris : You're still here? It's over. Go home. Go.
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Ferris : [describing Cameron's house] The place is like a museum. It's very beautiful and very cold, and you're not allowed to touch anything.
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Ferris : Hi. Do you speak English?
Garage Attendant : Uh, what country do you think this is?
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Ferris : I do have a test today, that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car.
[sings into shower head a verse from Wayne Newton's "Danke Schoen"]
Ferris : I recall Central Park in Fall, how you tore your dress, what a mess, I confess...
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[On the phone]
Ed Rooney : Are you also aware, Mrs. Bueller, that Ferris does not have what we consider to be an exemplary attendance record?
Katie Bueller : I don't understand.
Ed Rooney : He has missed an unacceptable number of school days. In the opinion of this educator, Ferris is not taking his academic growth seriously. Now I've spent my morning examining his records. If Ferris thinks that he can just coast through this month and still graduate, he is sorely mistaken. I have no reservations whatsoever about holding him back another year.
Katie Bueller : This is all news to me.
Ed Rooney : It usually is. So far this semester he has been absent nine times.
Katie Bueller : Nine times?
Ed Rooney : Nine times.
Katie Bueller : I don't remember him being sick nine times.
Ed Rooney : That's probably because he wasn't sick. He was skipping school. Wake up and smell the coffee, Mrs. Bueller. It's a fool's paradise. He is just leading you down the primrose path.
Katie Bueller : I can't believe it.
Ed Rooney : I've got it right here in front of me. He has missed nine days...
[His computer screen begins counting down from nine to two. Ferris is at home looking at the same screen]
Ferris : I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?
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Ferris : Hey, Cameron. You realize if we played by the rules right now we'd be in gym?
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Ferris : I'm so disappointed in Cameron! Twenty bucks says he's in his car right now debating on whether or not to go out.
Cameron : [Cameron's in his car] He'll keep calling me. He'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty. This is uh... This is ridiculous, ok I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What - I'LL GO. Shit.
[Turns the engine on then turns it off and hits the passenger seat]
Cameron : God Damn it!
[Turns the car on and revs it up]
Cameron : Ahhhhhh! Shit!
[Gets out of the car]
Cameron : That's it!
[Paces behind the car and jumps up and down in frustration]
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[Ferris has snuck aboard a parade float]
Ferris : Ladies and gentlemen, you are such a wonderful crowd, we'd like to play a little tune for you. It's one of my personal favorites and I'd like to dedicate it to a young man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today - Cameron Frye, this one's for you.
Cameron : [screams]
Sloane : Ferris! Get off of the float!
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Ferris : [to the camera, after tricking his parents into believing he's sick] Incredible, one of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.
[opens blinds to reveal a beautiful spring day]
Ferris : How can I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?
[begins fiddling with electronics to fake his voice]
Ferris : This is my ninth sick day this semester. It's pretty tough coming up with new illnesses. If I go for ten, I'm probably going to have to barf up a lung, so I better make this one count.
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Ferris : If anyone needs a day off, it's Cameron. He has a lot of things to sort out before he graduates. Can't be wound up this tight and go to college, his roommate will kill him.
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Ferris : [while running home, Ferris runs past two bikini-clad sunbathers, then returns] Hi, how you doing? I'm Ferris Bueller.
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Maitre D' : You're Abe Froman?
Ferris : That's right, I'm Abe Froman.
Maitre D' : The Sausage King of Chicago?
Ferris : [caught off-guard] Uh yeah, that's me.
Maitre D' : Listen young man, entre nous, I'm very busy. Why don't you take the kids and go back to the clubhouse?
Ferris : Are you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am?
Maitre D' : I'm suggesting that you leave before I have to get snooty.
Ferris : Snooty?
Maitre D' : Snotty.
Ferris : Snotty?
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Ferris : I'm serious man, this is ridiculous making me wait around the house for you.
Cameron : Why can't you let me rot in peace?
Ferris : Cameron, this is my ninth sick day. If I get caught, I don't graduate. I'm not doing it for me, I'm doing it for you.
Cameron : Do you know what my diastolic is?
Ferris : Be a man, take some Pepto-Bismol, get dressed and come on over here, I'm tired of this stuff.
Cameron : Oh, shut up!
Ferris : [has a call on the other line] Hold your water for a second, I got another call.
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Cameron : Ferris, my father loves this car more than life itself.
Ferris : A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile.
[Ferris caresses the car in admiration]
Cameron : No. No! Apparently, you don't understand!
Ferris : [ignoring Cameron] Wow.
Cameron : Ferris, he never drives it! He just rubs it with a diaper!
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Ferris : It is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.
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Cameron : [Ferris slowly pulls the Ferrari out of the garage] No! Ferris, forget it! You're just gonna have to think of somethin' else. I'm puttin' my foot down.
[Ferris keeps driving]
Cameron : How bout we rent a nice Cadillac? My treat! We could call a limo! A nice stretch job with a TV and a bar! How 'bout that?
Ferris : [Ferris pulls the car back slightly] Come on! Live a little!
[Cameron crosses himself, walks to the car]
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Sloane : What are we going to do?
Ferris : The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?"
Cameron : Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home.
Ferris : [to the camera] If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away?
[beat]
Ferris : Neither would I.
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Ferris : [In a sing-song voice] Do you have a kiss for daddy?
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[Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are in a taxicab. Ferris and Sloane are kissing]
Cameron : It's getting late, buddy. We better go get the car back home.
Ferris : We have a few hours. We have until 6:00.
Cameron : I'm sorry. I know you don't care, but it does mean my ass.
Ferris : You think I don't care?
Cameron : I KNOW you don't care.
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Ferris : Smile, babe. Just smile...
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Ferris : Do you speak English?
Garage Attendant : What country do you think this is?
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Katie Bueller : How'd you get to be so sweet?
Ferris : From years of practice.
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Ferris : Dad, all this talking has made me kinda light headed, I think I oughta lie down.
Tom Bueller : Take a bath. Then wrap a hot towel around your head.
Ferris : Wrap a hot towel around my head?
Tom Bueller : And then make yourself some soup, get a nap.
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Ferris : [Ed rings the doorbell and turns around waiting for an answer] Who is it?
Ed Rooney : [holding the speaker button] It's Ed Rooney, Ferris. I'd like to have a word with you.
Ferris : [through a recorded machine, titled Doorbell] Oh I'm sorry, I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences.
Ed Rooney : Save it, Ferris. Come down here.
Ferris : You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being.
Ed Rooney : I'm not leaving until you come down and talk to me, Ferris.
Ferris : Have a nice day!
Ed Rooney : You're in big trouble, buster. Get down here! Ferris! FERRIS!
[rings the doorbell again and knocks the door in frustration. Ferris's dog is heard barking]
Ferris : Who is it?
Ed Rooney : [frustrated] You know damn well who it is!
Ferris : Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences. You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day!
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Ferris : Cameron, your friend, you thought we wouldn't have any fun. Shame on you.
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Ferris : You want to get married?
Sloane : Sure.
Ferris : Today? I'm serious.
Sloane : I'm not getting married.
Ferris : Why not?
Sloane : What do you mean "why not"? Think about it.
Ferris : Well, no. Besides being too young, having no place to live, you feeling a little awkward about being the only cheerleader with a husband, give me one good reason why not?
Cameron : I'll give you two good reason why not: my mother and my father. They're married and they hate each other. You've seen 'em. Am I right?
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Ferris : His home life is really twisted. That's why he's sick all the time. It really bothers him. He's the only guy I know who feels better when he's sick. If I had to live in that house, I'd probably pray for a disease, too.
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Ferris : The place is like a museum. It's very beautiful and very cold and you're not allowed to touch anything.
