Memorable quotes for
Lethal Weapon (1987)

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Martin Riggs: You want me to drive?
Roger Murtaugh: No, you're supposed to be suicidal, remember? I'LL drive.
Martin Riggs: Anybody who drives around in this town IS suicidal.

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Martin Riggs: Hey, look friend, let's just cut the shit. Now we both know why I was transferred. Everybody thinks I'm suicidal, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me; or they think I'm faking to draw a psycho pension, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me. Basically, I'm fucked.
Roger Murtaugh: Guess what?
Martin Riggs: What?
Roger Murtaugh: I don't want to work with you!
Martin Riggs: Hey, don't.
Roger Murtaugh: Ain't got no choice! Looks like we both been fucked!
Martin Riggs: Terrific.
Roger Murtaugh: God hates me. That's what it is.
Martin Riggs: Hate him back; it works for me.

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Roger Murtaugh: Okay, clown, no bullshit! You wanna kill yourself?
Martin Riggs: Oh, for Chriss-...
Roger Murtaugh: Shut up! Yes or no - you wanna die?
Martin Riggs: Oh, I got the job done! What the hell do you want?
Roger Murtaugh: JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!
Martin Riggs: Well, what do you wanna hear, man? Do you wanna hear that sometimes I think about eatin' a bullet? Huh? Well, I do! I even got a special bullet for the occasion with a hollow point, look! Make sure it blows the back of my goddamned head out and do the job right! Every single day I wake up and I think of a reason not to do it! Every single day! You know why I don't do it? This is gonna make you laugh! You know why I don't do it? The job! Doin' the job! Now that's the reason!

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[after stopping Riggs from shooting himself]
Roger Murtaugh: You're not trying to draw a psycho pension! You really are crazy!

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[Picking up a young prostitute]
Young prostitute: What have you got in mind?
Martin Riggs: Well, I want you to come home and watch television with me.
Young prostitute: You serious?
Martin Riggs: Yeah. "The 3 Stooges" are on in 20 minutes.

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Martin Riggs: This is a real badge, I'm a real cop, and this is a real fucking gun!

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Martin Riggs: The guy who shot me! The same albino jackrabbit son of a bitch who did Hunsacker.
Roger Murtaugh: You sure?
Martin Riggs: Yeah, I'm sure man. I never forget an asshole.

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Roger Murtaugh: [discussing a theory] That's pretty fucking thin.
Martin Riggs: That's very thin.
Roger Murtaugh: What the hell, thin's my middle name.
Martin Riggs: Your wife's cooking, I'm not surprised.
[fires his gun several more times]
Roger Murtaugh: What? What?
Martin Riggs: Nothin'.
Roger Murtaugh: Remarks like that will not get you invited to Christmas dinner.
Martin Riggs: My luck's changing for the better every day.

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Martin Riggs: I don't make things difficult. That's the way they get, all by themselves.

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[Riggs is captured by General McAlister]
Martin Riggs: You're General Peter McAlister, Commander of Shadow Company.
McAlister: I see we've heard of each other.
Martin Riggs: Yep. It'll almost be a shame when I nail you.

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Sergeant McCaskey: You know, Roger, you are way behind the times. The guys of the 80s aren't tough. They are sensitive people. Show a little emotion to a woman and shit like that. I think I'm an '80s man...
Roger Murtaugh: How do you figure?
Sergeant McCaskey: Last night I cried in bed. So how is that?
Roger Murtaugh: Were you with a woman?
Sergeant McCaskey: I was alone. Why do you think I cried?
Roger Murtaugh: Sounds like an '80s man to me...

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[Repeated line in all 4 movies]
Roger Murtaugh: I'm too old for this shit!

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[last lines]
Roger Murtaugh: I'm too old for this...

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Martin Riggs: Maybe there's an opening in the L.A. Fire Department.

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[When Joshua is panting on the lawn after the title-fight]
Roger Murtaugh: Get that shit off my lawn!

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Martin Riggs: You know you’re not the first guy to thinnk of this you know. A lot people have got problems especially during the silly season like now.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: You know shit.
Martin Riggs: No, you’re wrong, pal, you’re wrong.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: You don't know nothing. Don't touch me!
Martin Riggs: Take it easy.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: Look, I didn't don any thing wrong.
Martin Riggs: I know that. It's not like your murdering anyone or anything.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: That's right.
Martin Riggs: That's right.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: The only one I hurt was me. Me!
Martin Riggs: Same way I feel. I know you’re hurting. I get it. OK now, come on.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: Don't come near me!
Martin Riggs: Come on. Give me a break, will ya guy. My boss is down there and he's watching us and I gotta make it look like I'm at least trying to save you. Come on. Im just gonna stand here and talk to you. That's all.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: You won't try nothing.
Martin Riggs: No. I'm square with you. I won't try a thing. I won't try a thing.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: Really.
Martin Riggs: What, do you think I want to fall off? I promise, I'll just talk to you.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: [easing] OK. Alright.
Martin Riggs: [showing him a cigarette] Here, do you want a cigarette. Come on, lets smoke, OK.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: Yeah.
Martin Riggs: Go on, take it yeah. If we take our time we will both die of cancer.
[lights his own cigarette]
Martin Riggs: Here.
[shows him the lighter but tricks him and cuffs the two of them together]
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: Hey, what are you doing.
Martin Riggs: See this key? Bye-bye.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: You’re crazy!
Martin Riggs: Now you can jump if you want to, but you'll be taking me with you and that makes you a muderer.

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Roger Murtaugh: Have you ever met anybody you didn't kill?
Martin Riggs: Well, I haven't killed you yet.

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Martin Riggs: You don't trust me at all, do you?
Roger Murtaugh: Well, I'll tell you what. You make it through tomorrow without killing anybody, especially me, or yourself, then I'll start trusting you.
Martin Riggs: Fair enough.

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Martin Riggs: I do it real good, you know.
Roger Murtaugh: Do what?
Martin Riggs: When I was 19, I did a guy in Laos from a thousand yards. It was a rifle shot in high wind. Maybe eight or ten other guys in the world could have made that shot. Well, see ya tomorrow.
Roger Murtaugh: Yeah. See you then.

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Roger Murtaugh: See how easy that was? Boom, still alive. Now we question him. You know why we question him? Because I got him in the leg. I didn't shoot him full of holes or try to jump off a building with him.
Martin Riggs: Hey, that's no fair. The building guy lived.

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Martin Riggs: You know they're going to kill her, don't you?
Roger Murtaugh: Yeah.
Martin Riggs: So if you want her back, you're going to have to take her away from them.
Roger Murtaugh: I know.
Martin Riggs: You do this my way. You shoot, you shoot to kill, get as many of them as you can. All you got to do is just not miss.
Roger Murtaugh: I won't miss.
Martin Riggs: We're going to get bloody on this one, Rog.
Roger Murtaugh: Are you really crazy? Or are you as good as you say you are?
Martin Riggs: You're just gonna have to trust me.

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Mr. Joshua: Endo here has forgotten more about dispensing pain than you and I will ever know.

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Beat Cop: Had a jumper here last night, Dixie was walking by, saw the whole thing.
Roger Murtaugh: You got a statement from her, send her home.
Dixie: Oh, thanks, I'm beat. You know how it is...
Roger Murtaugh: Yeah, yeah, sure. All dressed up and no one to blow.
Dixie: You're hilarious. God, I don't believe this...

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[after rescuing Roger and Rianne]
Martin Riggs: What did one shepherd say to the other shepherd? Let's get the flock out of here!

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Martin Riggs: How about it, Jack? Would you like a shot at the title?
Mr. Joshua: Don't mind if I do.

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Martin Riggs: Roger.
Roger Murtaugh: What?
Martin Riggs: Uh, 10-4.

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Martin Riggs: What did he mean when he said you owed him?
Roger Murtaugh: We served together in '65. Ia Drang Valley. Saved my life. Took a bayonet in the lungs.
Martin Riggs: That was nice of him.

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Roger Murtaugh: Pretty thin, huh?
Martin Riggs: Anorexic.

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McAllister: Ah, Mr. Mendez. How are you?
Mendez: Hey, I'm fine.
[Nodding at Mr. Joshua]
Mendez: Where the hell did you get him? Psychos 'R Us?
McAllister: I don't think you're funny.
Mendez: I don't think this whole goddamn setup is funny. You're using mercenaries, for chrissakes, tell me I'm wrong.
McAllister: You're not wrong.
Mendez: And you expect me to trust these fuckin' bozos?

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Drug Dealer #3: [to Riggs, holding a gun to his head] How's it feel, sucker?

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Martin Riggs: [to drug dealer] Shoot me! Shoot me! Shoot me! Ohhh....
[in frustration, Riggs head-butts him, grabs the gun away from him, and holds it to the dealer's throat]

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Mr. Joshua: [stealing a woman's car] Mind if I test drive your Audi?

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Roger Murtaugh: General McAlister. Time for you to die.

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[aiming his gun at Mcalister's oncoming car]
Roger Murtaugh: No way you live. No way.

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Martin Riggs: [Riggs and Murtaugh go to a bust at a "rich house"] Think I saw this house on Lifestyles of the Rich and Shameless...

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Martin Riggs: [holding his wife's wedding photograph, crying, after deciding not to kill himself] See you later, babe.

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[Endo shocks Riggs with a device]
Mr. Joshua: Hit him again!
Martin Riggs: [Endo does]
[Martin groans as his body shakes violently]
Mr. Joshua: [soft but enthused] Hit him again.
Martin Riggs: [Endo hits him again for longer]
Mr. Joshua: C'mon, tell me about the shipment!
Martin Riggs: [yells and spouts giberrish, then spits at Endo, tries to reach Joshua] I swear I'm gonna fucking kill the both of you.
Mr. Joshua: Yeah, yeah, very funny. Now what about the *shipment*?

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Culprit: [punches Murtaugh in the mouth] The shipment, Mr. Murtaugh.
Roger Murtaugh: [blood and sweat dripping] Go spit.

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Roger Murtaugh: I was driving before you were a itch in your daddy's pants!

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Martin Riggs: Maybe we'll stay alive long enough for me to buy you a present.

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Roger Murtaugh: What do you do, sleep with that thing under your pillow?
Martin Riggs: I would if I slept.

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[Riggs and Murtaugh pull up outside Dixie's house to check out a theory]
Roger Murtaugh: Like I said, thin.
Martin Riggs: Probably nothing.
[the house explodes, knocking them both to the ground. Murtaugh throws himself on Riggs]
Martin Riggs: What are you, a fag?
Roger Murtaugh: Your coat's on fire!
[Riggs throws it off, then both of them look at the burning house]
Martin Riggs: Probably nothing!
Roger Murtaugh: Thin, very thin!

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Roger Murtaugh: Hey, Riggs, you really like my wife's cookin'?
Martin Riggs: [after an especially long pause] Nope, I'll see you tomorrow.

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[Riggs is having doubts]
Roger Murtaugh: Why is there a problem?
Martin Riggs: There's no problem.
Roger Murtaugh: We got one dead girl and one dead guy. The dead guy kills the dead girl, we kill the dead guy 'cause he wanted us to be dead guys - it's pretty easy to me.

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Roger Murtaugh: Listen, sorry about all that shit I was in your face about earlier... you saved my life. Thank you.
Martin Riggs: Oh, I'll bet that hurt to say.
Roger Murtaugh: [chuckles] You'll never know.

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Roger Murtaugh: Hey, Riggs.
Martin Riggs: Yo!
Roger Murtaugh: Riggs, if you think I'm gonna eat the world's lousiest Christmas turkey by myself, you're crazy.
Martin Riggs: Well, I got news for you, Rog: I'm not crazy.
Roger Murtaugh: I know.
Martin Riggs: Well, good. Let's eat.

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Martin Riggs: Hey, you know what?
Roger Murtaugh: What?
Martin Riggs: Well, I think your daughter kinda likes me.
Roger Murtaugh: If you touch her, I'll kill you.
Martin Riggs: Ha! You'll try.

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Roger Murtaugh: [about Rianne's date] The one with the pits in his face?
Rianne Murtaugh: Those are dimples!
Roger Murtaugh: Those are pits. When he smiles, I can see through his head.

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