Overboard (1987)
Kurt Russell: Dean Proffitt
Photos
Quotes
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Annie : I don't belong here, I feel it. Don't you think I feel it? I can't do any of these vile things, and I wouldn't want to. Oh, my life is like death. My children are the spawn of hell, and you're the devil. Oh, God...
Dean Proffitt : Baby, we like you.
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Dean Proffitt : They're making out their Christmas lists
Annie : Oh, already?
Travis Proffitt : How do you spell "Porsche"?
Dean Proffitt : Well, they got me thinkin' though: what can I possibly give you ever that you don't already have?
Annie : [long pause as she thinks] A little girl.
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Dean Proffitt : You know what your problem is? Huh? You're so goddamn bored, you gotta invent things to bitch about! You haven't got a single thing to do on this earth except for your hair! Yeah, your closet was fine, you just needed something to take up your useless, nail-polishing, toe-polishing, rich bitch, sun-tanning days!
[From the engine room, the crew, who have heard all of this, start cheering]
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[Dean & Billy see Joanna's mugshot on TV]
Dean Proffitt : That's her.
Billy Pratt : Who?
Dean Proffitt : THE BITCH!
Billy Pratt : [Seeing Grant leaving the hospital on TV] I can't believe he's skipping out on her.
Dean Proffitt : Of course he's skipping out on her, it's his shot at freedom.
Billy Pratt : Maybe you should go down to the hospital and see if you can get some of your money back?
Dean Proffitt : Look, he's gone.
Billy Pratt : Not him, her.
Dean Proffitt : She doesn't even know who she is, you think she's gonna know who I am?
[Dean turns around to walk away only to turn right back when he thinks of an idea]
Dean Proffitt : Billy, there is a God and he loves me!
Billy Pratt : You're not gonna shave your head, are you?
Dean Proffitt : No, I gotta go home and talk to my kids...
Billy Pratt : [interrupts] Dean, don't do this.
Dean Proffitt : ...and I want you to take them shopping at the Salvation Army!
Billy Pratt : Dean, it's illegal... Dean you're crazy, you know that!
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Joey Proffitt : [in Pee-Wee Herman's voice] Hi, Mom. My name's Joe.
Annie : A falsetto child?
Dean Proffitt : Nah. He thinks he's Pee-Wee Herman.
Joey Proffitt : [in Pee-Wee Herman's voice] I love Pee-Wee Herman.
[Pee-Wee's trademark laugh]
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Annie : Oh, a washing machine! But Dean, it's so expensive.
Dean Proffitt : No, shit!
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Annie : Tell me something about my life, Dean, something not horrible.
Dean Proffitt : Well uh... yeah, there was that time you were working at Burger Boy, and this kid started choking on a French fry, and everybody in the place panicked, including me, except you, you knew exactly what to do. You ran over to the kid and you gave him that Heimlech, you know,
[grunts]
Dean Proffitt : and puh! The kid puked up the fry and they named you Burger Boy employee of the month. They put your picture above the cash register and everything.
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Joanna : Well, the entire civilized world knows that ALL closets are made of CEDAR.
Dean Proffitt : [in a backwoods accent] Well up here in Elk Snout ma'am see we don't know 'bout them closets, nor bathrooms neither. Shit woman, you're lucky I am house broke.
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Annie : I just... ate a bug!
Dean Proffitt : Keep your mouth closed, there's a lot of things flying around out here!
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Dean Proffitt : [sees his sons gathered in a group whispering excitedly] What's this?
Annie : Travis found a girlfriend.
Joey Proffitt : Hey, Trav, don't knock her up!
Annie : [sarcastically] Very funny!
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Dean Proffitt : I can't talk to you with you pulled away from me. Will you please get your head out of there and look at me?
Annie : No.
Dean Proffitt : Why?
Annie : [turns over, covered in Calamie lotion] Because I'm so ugly, I got poison oak too.
[cries]
Dean Proffitt : Nobody cares what you look like, normally you look really pretty, you just don't now.
Annie : [continue sobbing] I dont even have a wedding ring.
Dean Proffitt : What?
Annie : I lost my wedding ring in the sea.
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Dean Proffitt : Hey hey hey, guys, look who's home!
Greg Proffitt : Hi Mom!
Travis Proffitt : Hi Mom!
Charlie Proffitt : [in a raspy voice] Hi Mom!
Greg Proffitt : [pretending to cry] Gee Mom, we really missed you, we're so glad you're baaaaaack!
[Dean sticks his hand out to tell the boys to stop the dramatics]
Annie : They aren't mine...
Dean Proffitt : Oh I was sure you'd remember them!
Annie : I think I'd remember if I had 3 children...
Dean Proffitt : Four, honey, don't forget little Joe!
[Joe sticks his head out the window and waves; Annie faints after believing she had four sons with Dean]
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Dean Proffitt : You jumped my bones the first night we met!
Annie : We did it on the first date?
Dean Proffitt : Couldn't call it a date really, we just did it in the parking lot of the 7-Eleven
Annie : I'm a slut
Dean Proffitt : What did you say?
Annie : Nothing
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Billy Pratt : Annie, those are my underwear.
Annie : Yours?
Billy Pratt : I don't mean I wear 'em or anything. They belong to a girlfriend of mine.
Annie : But what about Gertie?
Billy Pratt : I strayed. See, I got lucky with this phone sex girl and I found one that takes personal checks; my truck doesn't have a backseat so I borrowed yours. Dean doesn't want you to tell Gertie so he's covering for me.
Dean Proffitt : [comes up to them] What's going on?
Billy Pratt : I confess. The jig is up!
Dean Proffitt : The jig IS up, Billy, I'm finally trying to tell her the truth.
Billy Pratt : I just did. See, I didn't get the name Bad Billy Pratt for nothing. I'm sorry, Annie, I got horny, do you hate me?
Annie : [smiles] No, no
[hugs him]
Annie : I'm glad you're Bad Billy Pratt!
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Travis Proffitt : [Dean knocks on the boys' clubhouse door] Who is it?
Dean Proffitt : Doctor Death, let's go!
Travis Proffitt : We're gonna go get her!
Dean Proffitt : Come on guys! Billy's friends are gonna help us!
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Annie : You're not leaving me here alone tonight, the kids are sick.
Dean Proffitt : Yeah and they've got Calamine lotion all over them. What do you want me to do?
Annie : I want you to take on some of your grownup responsibility.
Dean Proffitt : I earn the money, that's my grownup responsibility.
Annie : Are you aware that Joey can't read? And Travis only reads smut magazines? I can't get him out of the bathroom.
Dean Proffitt : Honey he's 13 years old! I'll build you another bathroom.
Annie : They don't need another bathroom, they need guidance from you.
Dean Proffitt : Hey hey hey, don't you worry about me and my boys, okay? We're pals.
Annie : They have enough pals, they need a father.
-
[the officer at the hospital pulls out the photos and Joanna's panties from a parcel envelope]
Cop at Hospital : Nice panties! J.S., she didn't know what that meant?
Dean Proffitt : See she wouldn't, I bought them for her at a garage sale.
Cop at Hospital : Yeah, I bought my wife a garter at a yard sale once too.
Dean Proffitt : I'm sure you did.
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Annie : [seeing the counterfeit photos that supposedly depict her wedding to Dean, but which are actually just expertly "merged" images which combine her gloomy "amnesia-state" photos with Dean's deceased wife's wedding photos] It's my wedding day, why do I look so annoyed?
Dean Proffitt : [thinking fast] Oh, well, your dad showed up shit-faced. He threw potato salad all over my mom. It was horrible, we had to throw him out.
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Dean Proffitt : [home from work] Hey guys, what's going on?
Greg Proffitt : [stops playing piano] I got the part of Tiny Tim in the school play!
Charlie Proffitt : [looks up from homework] I got an A in English!
Travis Proffitt : [looks up from homework] I'm flunking math.
Dean Proffitt : Yeah well we'll work on the math after dinner.
Annie : [teaching Joey to read with comic books] You're just in time, Dr. Death's on the rampage.
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Dean Proffitt : [singing] Zippedy Doo-Dah. Zippedy Yay. My, oh my, I got a wonderful slave.
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Dean Proffitt : Remember in high school how you faked our IDs? I need a fake bride.
Billy Pratt : Come on, Dean. I'm busy!
Dean Proffitt : [hands Billy a parcel envelope] Not any more. She's goin' home.
Billy Pratt : I'll do it, but if we get caught, it's your ass!
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Dean Proffitt : I can't believe you did that.
Annie : Oh! I saw you jump so I jumped...
Dean Proffitt : No I don't mean that. I can't believe you gave all that up just for me.
Annie : I didn't.
Dean Proffitt : What? What do you mean?
Annie : Well the truth of the matter is it's all mine, the boat, the money, everything is all mine.
[Dean faints]
Annie : Dean! Dean, it's okay!
-
Dean Proffitt : What's going on here?
Charlie Proffitt : We're gonna get Mom back.
Joey Proffitt : We miss her.
Greg Proffitt : Yeah, she cut the crust off the bread.
Travis Proffitt : She doesn't take any of my shit either, I need discipline.
Greg Proffitt : We've got three dollars and four cents.
Charlie Proffitt : Yeah, we're gonna go rent a fishing boat and we're gonna get her back.
Dean Proffitt : Well no fishing boat's going to catch a yacht, especially at that price.
Greg Proffitt : Maybe she'll change her mind and come back.
Travis Proffitt : Oh right, doofus, she's on a yacht heading to New York!
Joey Proffitt : This is a job for Dr. Death!
Greg Proffitt : Yeah! Dr. Death could do it!
Travis Proffitt : We've got to do something, *right*, Dad?
-
[Annie is looking for proof of her marriage to Dean and sees him in front of the closet wearing the same shirt and doing the same pose in their initial encounter which slowly triggers her memory]
Annie : The closet... ..and you!
Dean Proffitt : That's right. This is me and I'm standing in front of the closet
Annie : Something's familiar.
Dean Proffitt : Yeah, well... that's 'cause we used to do it in the closet.
Annie : Oh stop with the sex stories.
Dean Proffitt : Now you're getting grumpy and it's because you've been busy. I want you to stop everything, go in here, take a bath...
[yells to his sons]
Dean Proffitt : Hey, guys, get the turtle out of the bathtub!...
[returns to his conversation with Annie]
Dean Proffitt : ... and I'm gonna look for the pictures first thing in the morning, okay?
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Dean Proffitt : [Arriving home from his disastrous experience working for the Staytons, he finds Ms. Burbridge running out of his house, covered with toilet paper and being chased by his dogs] You look the morning after Halloween. Probably had a day like I did, what happened to you?
Adele Burbridge : Monday is their first day of school, and I came here to welcome your family! And what do I get in return? I get toilet-papered by your children!
Dean Proffitt : [laughs] Eh, they're just playing around.
Adele Burbridge : Oh, "just playing around"? They were about to douse the toilet paper in gasoline and strike...
Dean Proffitt : Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop. Greg and Charlie... twins, right?
[Adele nods]
Dean Proffitt : ... They're goin' through this arson period. Hey, they don't know it, but I'm way ahead of them. I got two fire extinguishers ready to go. I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?
Adele Burbridge : Adele Burbridge, principal of the Elk Cove School. Your children are monsters!
Adele Burbridge : Oh, you won't think that once you get to know them.
Adele Burbridge : Where is Mrs. Proffitt while all of this is going on?
Dean Proffitt : She died three years ago
Adele Burbridge : Mr. Proffitt, your children are totally lacking in parental supervision!
Dean Proffitt : Hey, you don't have to tell me these kids are lucky.
[chuckles]
Adele Burbridge : Fine, you can joke all you want, but I am serious about this.
[climbs into her car]
Adele Burbridge : If you don't do something, I am going to notify the proper authorities!
Dean Proffitt : I have had babysitters in here by the dozen. Look, I've tried... I'm kind of low on cash right now, I'm new in town, but if I get a chance, I'll hire a housekeeper, all right?
Adele Burbridge : Well, I'll believe it when I see it. Good day, Mr. Proffitt!
[drives away]
Dean Proffitt : [yelling] I'm a good father!
-
Gertie : Hey Billy, who are you talking to?
Billy Pratt : Nobody!
Dean Proffitt : Who's that?
Billy Pratt : No one!
Gertie : Hey, is that Dean?
[comes to trailer window]
Gertie : Hi, Dean! Why don't you come on in?
Billy Pratt : Go back to bed, Gertie.
Gertie : [annoyed] Hey, if you're gonna treat me like that, I'm going home!
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Dean Proffitt : This one's flat, give me another one Billy!
Billy Pratt : I only got six.
Dean Proffitt : Well, I guess we better send the ol' ball and chain out to buy us more.
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Dean Proffitt : [finds Annie near catatonic] What's wrong with her?
Charlie Proffitt : She's been like that for an hour now!
Travis Proffitt : She's getting better though.
Dean Proffitt : Better?
Charlie Proffitt : Yeah she's not going
Charlie Proffitt , Travis Proffitt , Greg Proffitt , Joey Proffitt : Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo.
Dean Proffitt : Why'd she do that?
Travis Proffitt : She destroyed the scarecrow, Dad, she ripped that sucker's head off!
Joey Proffitt : [in a Pee Wee Herman voice] I like when she goes bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo.
Dean Proffitt : [waves hand in front of her eyes] Hey, baby doll? What's for dinner?
Annie : [distantly] Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo.
Dean Proffitt : Alright, I got it from here. Get upstairs.
[picks Annie up]
Charlie Proffitt : Dad, will you trade her in for a new one?
Dean Proffitt : Nah, she'll be alright.
[takes her out to the rain barrel and dunks her in]
-
Doctor at Hospital : Look, if it were up to us, we'd be glad to give her to you but she's right
Cop at Hospital : I'm going to need some verification
Dean Proffitt : Hey, I know what you mean. I have never told anybody this, but she has a small strawberry shaped birthmark on her left cheek, it's unique.
[Joanna goes behind the television to check if she had a birthmark and sees Dean was right]
Dean Proffitt : Come to Daddy!
[the doctor and the cop high five each other in celebration]
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Annie : Dean, was it always like this?
Dean Proffitt : Every time with you is like the first time.
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Joanna : What's my name?
Dean Proffitt : Mrs. Annie Proffitt
Joanna : Well what's my maiden name?
Dean Proffitt : [thinking fast] Annie... Goolihy
Joanna : [in disbelief] Annie Goolihy? Where in God's name did I grow up, Dogpatch?
Dean Proffitt : No, no, not there. Over in Goober, Idaho. But it's a nuclear waste dump.
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Annie : Where are you going?
Dean Proffitt : Out... I go out every night after dinner and meet the boys at the bowling alley for a couple of beers.
Annie : [begging Dean not to leave her at home alone with his sons] Don't leave me alone with them
Dean Proffitt : Oh come on, honey, that's not fair. You know we live like this. It never bothered you before. It's just the way it is. I think you better get used to it.
Annie : Well, when are you going to be home?
Dean Proffitt : When I feel like it, it just depends how drunk I get.
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Joanna : You know forks were invented so that man could at least make a pretense of separating himself from the apes.
Dean Proffitt : So were thumbs.
Joanna : What did you say?
Dean Proffitt : Nothing. It was... my stomach.
Joanna : Well try to control your bodily noises so I can hear myself think.
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Billy Pratt : How's it going with your debutante?
Dean Proffitt : She's one lousy cook, I'll tell you that, but as long as I don't have to do it.
Billy Pratt : How long are you gonna keep her?
Dean Proffitt : Let's see, twelve bucks a day. I figure the little wifey-poo can work off what she owes me in little over a month.
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Travis Proffitt : Are we gonna trade her in for a new mom?
Dean Proffitt : Not if we don't blow it!
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Annie : Hey Mister, what was I doing in the ocean?
Dean Proffitt : That's something you like to do, go dive for oysters at night, you step away from the shore and well, that undertow!
Annie : Oysters in a cold ocean at night? That doesn't sound like me!
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Dean Proffitt : Hey, she's been in there for over an hour! What did you guys buy her?
Charlie Proffitt : Dresses
Dean Proffitt : The right sizes?
Charlie Proffitt : You never said anything about sizes, you just said to get dresses!
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Dean Proffitt : You know, I let the water routine slide by the other day, but let's not push it, okay?
Annie : I'll admit, I got a little carried away with the hose, but this is serious.
Dean Proffitt : OK, fine. What's on your mind, sugarlips?
Annie : Stop calling me sugarlips, I have a name. Call me Annie.
Dean Proffitt : Get to the point, Annie. I got things to do. Billy and the guys are waitin' for me.
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Dean Proffitt : I lost all of my tools.
Billy Pratt : Don't worry, I'll loan you some tools. We'll get you some part time work.
Dean Proffitt : I appreciate it Billy, but I need a steady job. Hey, what about that night time thing?
Billy Pratt : I'm working on it. Soon, we'll get that miniature golf deal and we'll be in business.
Dean Proffitt : If I can hang on that long.
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Annie : My mother's a lush?
Dean Proffitt : Was, honey... cirrhosis.
Annie : And what about my father?
Dean Proffitt : Oh, he's alive and well. He's due for parole in what? 2 years!
Annie : Oh God, I don't want to hear anymore.
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Annie Proffitt : [confused as she is sticking a chicken in a pot of water] I prepared and handled raw food?
Dean Proffitt : I hunt it!...... you cook it!
Annie Proffitt : You shot a chicken?
Dean Proffitt : Come on honey! Save the jokes, we're starving here!
