- Chris Lecce: [Chris and Bill are whiling away the time playing trivia questions] Okay, I got one, name the 16th President
- Bill Reimers: I don't know
- Chris Lecce: Here's a hint...
- Bill Reimers: Abraham Lincoln.
- Bill Reimers: [His questions are identifying quotes] Okay, "This was no boating accident!"
- Chris Lecce: No idea
- Bill Reimers: Man, you suck at this
- Chris Lecce: [whilst searching Maria's house, Chris holds up a newspaper clipping about Montgomery] Now is no time to be pausing for the news, Chris
- Bill Reimers: Now is no time to be pausing for the news, Chris
- Chris Lecce: [Chris continues his search]
- Chris Lecce: Ah - we have a letter. 'Dear Maria, I hear you are doing okay. I hear you are seeing a couple of guys. Sometimes I get so mad I could wipe out the entire world, and enjoy myself doing it'. Now how could she have dumped a charmer like him?
- Captain Giles: Something bothering you, Mr Coldshank?
- Phil Coldshank: No, no.
- Captain Giles: Don't bullshit me. What's on your so called mind?
- [on the phone with Bill while at Maria's place]
- Chris Lecce: I'll be about half an hour.
- Bill Reimers: Where are my donuts you prick?
- Chris Lecce: Maybe more.
- [in checkout]
- Cashier: [looks at one of Chris's items and sort of scolds] Eating between meals.
- Chris Lecce: [mimicking] Eating between meals.
- B.C: [arriving at docks] Come on! Let's go.
- B.C: [sees Chris] Jesus Christ! That guy's a cop.
- Richard "Stick" Montgomery: [sarcastic] I know he's a cop! His hands are cuffed!
- B.C: Not him! The other one.
- Bill Reimers: [seeing Phil and Jack leave, laughing about something] Yeah, I smell a rat, they are up to something. I don't know what it is, but they are up to something. I'm going to find out what it is
- [he raises binoculars to his eyes, lowers them, then turns to Chris]
- Bill Reimers: Do you know what it is?
- Chris Lecce: [casually, with a straight face] Yeah, I think I have a pretty good idea
- Chris Lecce: What, what, tell me?
- Bill Reimers: [Turns at Chris' gesture, and sees that ink coating the rims of the binoculars is now around each eye, making him look like a racoon] Son of a bitch! Christ, I'm gonna *kill* 'em!
- Bill Reimers: [looking in the refrigerator] I don't believe this. They ate all the food and left dog turds in the fridge.
- Chris Lecce: Don't worry. I'll go to the supermarket. What do you want?
- Bill Reimers: Truth and justice.
- Chris Lecce: Anything else?
- Bill Reimers: Doughnuts.
- Chris Lecce: Why not? We *are* cops.
- [Reading the police profile on Maria McGuire]
- Bill Reimers: And, the moment we've all been waiting for... 313 pounds.
- Chris Lecce: 313 pounds? Let me see that.
- Bill Reimers: I would imagine that's fully clothed.
- Chris Lecce: Oh my God, she could be the house! I hate this job!
- Richard "Stick" Montgomery: Isn't love great, Chris? One minute you're a god, the next minute you're a scum-suckin' pig.
- Richard "Stick" Montgomery: Hey. What'd I tell you about touching my books.
- Billy Steeks: [raising his voice] I didn't touch your dirty fag rags!
- Richard "Stick" Montgomery: Oh yeah! Well then who the hell else did, since its just you and me in here.
- Billy Steeks: Piss off!
- Richard "Stick" Montgomery: Don't f*cking tell me to piss off.
- Billy Steeks: I just did asshole.
- [the two start fighting]
- Bill Reimers: [after Chris comes back from bugging Maria's phone and snooping around her room] What the hell were you doin'?
- Chris Lecce: What do you mean, what was I doin'? I was putting in a bug, for crying out loud.
- Bill Reimers: Oh, really? Is that what that was? Huh? Well I don't call goin' through that woman's drawers *puttin' in a goddam bug*.
- Chris Lecce: Oh, calm down. Don't blow a bowel, okay? For crying out loud. I thought I saw something in her bureau that would tell us whether or not she talked to Montgomery.
- Chris Lecce: [in the Captain's office, after the FBI agent has explained what they'd like the police to do] Wait a second. Wait a second.
- [laughs]
- Chris Lecce: Excuse me Captain. There's something a little ripe here. Let me - Let me ask you a question. What you're asking is that you'd like us to sit on our butts... on some low priority shit detail... on the off chance that we're gonna run across some *bad people*. And then what are we supposed to do? We're supposed to give you a jingle... so that you can make the arrest and gets the keys to the city?
- [laughs]
- Chris Lecce: Excuse me, Captain. I'm sorry. I don't like to sound negative, but this is bullshit. I'm a cop. You understand me? I'm not a security guard. I see some *bad people*... I'm gonna be a little too busy to, uh, make a phone call.
- Bill Reimers: But I would appreciate that you not act like a walking hard on while we're working together.
- [leaves room]
- Bill Reimers: Excuse me.
- Chris Lecce: Succinctly put.
- Captain Giles: [to Chris, Bill, Phil and Jack] Now, this is not an invitation to a prom, boys. I don't give a shit if you don't like the date. Now, you gentlemen are going to watch this broad until the fat lady sings or I say different. And if you f*** this up, I'm gonna take your nuts... and tie 'em in a knot and run 'em through my shredder.
- [after robbing gas station]
- Richard "Stick" Montgomery: How much we got?
- Caylor Reese: $273
- Richard "Stick" Montgomery: That's good. As long as we have gas money, that's all we need.
- Caylor Reese: Yeah. But its hardly worth rubbing people out for.
- Richard "Stick" Montgomery: [defensive] What?
- Caylor Reese: [doesn't want to try to explain] Nothing.
- Bill Reimers: [during an argument about who killed Kennedy, Bill checks the fridge] Those bastards. They ate everything and left us a dog turd.
- Chris Lecce: Ralph Warren left us a dog turd?
- Bill Reimers: No, Phil and Jack. I am gonna get those guys. I don't know how, but I will.
- Chris Lecce: Give me the keys. I'll go to the supermarket. What do you want?
- Bill Reimers: Truth and justice.
- Chris Lecce: Anything else?
- Bill Reimers: Doughnuts.
- Chris Lecce: Why not? We're cops.
- Bill Reimers: What the hell did we do to deserve this?
- Chris Lecce: I think it was that stripper we sent to the captain on his birthday.
- Bill Reimers: I told you we should have sent the woman.
- Chris Lecce: Yeah, I think you're right. I screwed up.
- Bill Reimers: What are you gonna do about her?
- Chris Lecce: Oh, man, I... I think I love her. I really do.
- Bill Reimers: Well, I'd hate to think that you risked it all just because you liked her.