The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988)

Ed Williams: Ted Olsen

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ted Olsen : As you requested, Frank, we took some fiber samples from Nordberg's jacket. I'm afraid it doesn't look good.

  Frank : What do you mean?

  Ted Olsen : Take a look for yourself.

  Frank : [looking into the microscope]  I-I can't see anything.

  Ed : Use your open eye, Frank.

• Frank : Hi, Ed, Ted. You got those fiber samples?

  Ted Olsen : Shh, shh, shh, we got some action out here.

  Frank : What-what... what's happening?

  Ted Olsen : We're testing that new anti-graffiti wall.

  Ed : And it looks like we've got a few customers.

  Ted Olsen : It's set to react when the spray hits the sensors.

  [as the vandals spray-paint the wall, they get sprayed in return] 

  Frank : You've done it again. Mazel tov.

  Ed : Good work, Ted. What will you lab boys think up next?

  Ted Olsen : [leading them into another room]  Now that you mention it, here's something we developed only yesterday. To the casual observer, an ordinary shoe. But in actuality...

  [popping a knife blade out of the toe, a la "From Russia with Love"] 

  Ted Olsen : ...it makes quite a handy weapon.

  [taking other various tools out] 

  Ted Olsen : And everything a cop in the field would need. We call it the Swiss Army shoe.

• Ted Olsen : [testing fibers from Nordberg's jacket]  At first glance, it would appear to be only the normal cotton fibers. But when we focused in closer, we discovered fine white powder. We tested it; pure heroin.

  Ed : How well do you know Nordberg, Frank?

  Frank : We were partners for nine years, and he's my best friend.

  Ed : I know, Frank, but we can't allow personal feelings to get in the way of duty.

  Frank : Are you saying that Nordberg is a...

  Ed : I'm telling you that the Queen arrives here the day after tomorrow. If the press should pick this up with Nordberg still part of the force, it could be embarrassing to the police and the city. I'm sorry, Frank. I'm giving you 24 hours to clear Nordberg.