Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man (1991)

Don Johnson: Robert Lee 'Marlboro Man' Edison

Photos 

Quotes 

• Marlboro : My old man told me, before he left this shitty world, never chase buses or women, you'll always be left behind.

• Marlboro : Harley, if you were shootin' for shit you wouldn't get a whiff!

• Marlboro : My old man told me, before he left this shitty world, the right woman can make ya, and the wrong woman can break ya.

• Marlboro : You know, that gun costs about two dollars every time you fire it. That's two bucks a bullet.

  Harley Davidson : Well how many'd I hit?

  Marlboro : You spent twelve dollars and didn't hit a goddamn thing. I nailed one and it cost about four and a quarter.

• Marlboro : My old man used to tell me before he left this shitty world, five rules of playing pool for cash. Lesson #1, always shoot with a cigarette in your mouth.

  Big Indian : Can't smoke with no fire, asshole.

  Marlboro : I quit!, Lesson #2, always know the table before you shoot.

  [Marlboro shoots the ball] 

  Marlboro : Lesson #3, make sure you chalk that stick... REAL GOOD... before each shot!

  [Marlboro shoots the ball again] 

  Marlboro : Lesson #4, never make a bet... if you can't pay the debt.

  [Marlboro puts his hat on the table and shoots the ball again] 

  Marlboro : Lesson #5, if you lose, make sure you stand up straight and tall.

  [points to the ball] 

  Marlboro : that corner... like a man

  Marlboro : School's out boys!

  Big Indian : You better get out of town, cowboy... before my cord snaps!

  Marlboro : I'm good to go, as soon as I have five big bills in my pocket... and your woman in my bed!

  Big Indian : Well I ain't got no $500 cowboy, and there's no way in hell you're bedding down my woman.

• Harley Davidson : We're gonna jump.

  Marlboro : Are you out of your fuckin' mind?

  Harley Davidson : C'mon, it's the only way.

  Marlboro : Uh-uh.

  Harley Davidson : You're gonna get shot up here.

  Marlboro : Well, you're gonna get squashed down there.

  Harley Davidson : I'd rather be squashed than shot.

  Marlboro : Not me.

  Harley Davidson : Fine, then.

  [punches Marlboro] 

  Harley Davidson : I owe you that.

  [Jumps off building into pool below] 

  Marlboro : I hate you for this... I fuckin' hate you for this.

  [Jumps] 

  Marlboro : I HATE YOU HARLEY... Oh shit!

  Harley Davidson : Some rush, eh?

• Marlboro : He's gonna take my girl, I'm gonna take his bike.

• Harley Davidson : I kicked his ass before.

  Marlboro : That was in 3rd grade, and Jack had a broken arm.

  Harley Davidson : Yeah, but I'm the one that broke it.

• Harley Davidson : [after wishing Marlboro "Happy Birthday"]  How does it feel to be an old man?

  Marlboro : The older the bull, the stiffer the horn.

• Marlboro : Squeeze the trigger, don't yank it, it's not your dick.

• Marlboro : You know, my old man told me before he left this shitty world that there would be blue-bellied chicken shit bastards like you out there!

• Harley Davidson : Are you and me friends?

  Marlboro : Sure, we're friends.

  Harley Davidson : Then how come, with all this shit that me and you have been through, I've asked you the same question a thousand times and you ain't never answered me?

  Marlboro : What question?

  Harley Davidson : What's with you and those fuckin' boots?

  Marlboro : My old man gave me these boots. First time I rode in a professional rodeo. It was the first and last thing he ever gave me.

  Harley Davidson : Marlboro, you could've told me that.

  Marlboro : I kinda figured it was between him and me.

• Marlboro : I can't believe you fuckin' shot me, Harley.

  [Marlboro takes his cowboy hat off and hits Harley with it] 

  Marlboro : Dickhead, you fuckin' shot me. I can't believe you shot me, you shit bird.

• Guard : [Harley and Marlboro are robbing an armoured car]  Who are you guys?

  Marlboro : Well, he's Harley Davidson, and I'm the Marlboro Man.

  Guard : You look like a bunch of two-bit hoods to me.

  Harley Davidson : [the car's trunk explodes]  Now does that look like the work of two-bit hoods?

  Guard : Yeah. Pros would've used my keys.

  [Harley and Marlboro look at each other] 

  Harley Davidson : Well, he likes to blow things up.

• Marlboro : [Walking along brightly lit Las Vegas strip]  I hate this fucking town.

  Harley Davidson : Hey, man, you don't know anything about this city.

  Marlboro : I grew up here, you dumb bastard.

  Harley Davidson : I didn't know that.

  Marlboro : Yeah, well, what you don't know is a lot.

  Harley Davidson : You mean to tell me that real cowboys - I mean shit-kicking rodeo cowboys - come from Vegas?

  Marlboro : Some of the best. Perhaps even ONE of the best.

• Virginia Slim : Robert, you've got to tell me where you are.

  Marlboro : Nope, can't do that. I've already dug enough graves, and none of them my own.

• Marlboro : Lay off my boots Harley!, I'm in no fucking mood.

• Marlboro : Guns are meant to be shot Harley, not thrown!

• [Harley shoots Marlboro in the arm trying to hit Alexander] 

  Marlboro : [winces in pain]  That hurt, Harley. That hurt bad.

  Alexander : Looks like your luck just ran out. Now, where is the money?

  Marlboro : [yelling to Harley]  Shoot him, goddamnit!

  Alexander : Keep shooting. You'll make my job easier.

  Marlboro : [yelling to Harley]  Shoot the bastard! Don't think, just shoot him! Shoot him!

  [Harley shoots Alexander dead] 

  Marlboro : That one's for you. How'd it feel?

  Harley Davidson : Best twelve bucks I ever spent.