Rover Dangerfield (1991)

Rodney Dangerfield: Rover Dangerfield

Quotes 

• Rover Dangerfield : [after attacking one of the wolves]  That one's for the three little pigs!

• Turkey : Let me tell you, I won't be here very long.

  Rover Dangerfield : I tell ya, the way I see it, you probably won't be around after Christmas!

  Turkey : Well, that would suit me just fine! Well, I might have known: There's absolutely nothing to eat here!

  Rover Dangerfield : Yeah? Look in a mirror!

  Turkey : Oh... I don't get it.

  Rover Dangerfield : Don't worry about it, drumstick. You will!

• Rover Dangerfield : All night I'd sit up and beg, she told me I was too old to beg!

• [after "I'll Never do it on a Christmas Tree" he knocks on the front door, door opens,] 

  Rover Dangerfield : Hey folks! I'll never dampen your holidays!

  [door slams shut] 

  Rover Dangerfield : No respect. No respect at all.

• Eddie : Boy, that Count's really got class.

  Rover Dangerfield : I guess that's my trouble, no class. I looked up my family tree, two dogs were using it!

• [about playing fetch] 

  Rover Dangerfield : He throws a stick, you run and get it, you bring it back and he throws it again! I don't get it! I mean, what's the point?

  Raffles : Because it makes them happy and it gives them lots of exercise

  Rover Dangerfield : If they want exercise, let them run and get it.

  Raffles : So what should I do?

  Rover Dangerfield : It's very simple. You do nothing.

• Rover Dangerfield : Where's Flappy?

  Queenie : Carmine fired him. He couldn't remember the routines.

  Rover Dangerfield : Oh, I saw that coming. Flappy was dumb. Yeah, he used to walk backwards and wag his head. I mean dumb! Carmine taught him to sit, he forgot how to stand! And when Carmine paper-trained him, that was something. He went right on the paper. The only trouble is, Carmine was reading it!

• Rover Dangerfield : [wakes up irritated due to Chester the rooster crowing in the doghouse]  Hey, big mouth. Who asked for a wakeup call? It's 11 o'clock in the morning. I mean, I'm trying to sleep.

  [Chester continues crowing] 

  Rover Dangerfield : How am I supposed to sleep with you yelling like that?

  [Chester crows more Rover climbs on top of the doghouse to confront him] 

  Rover Dangerfield : Look, I'm trying to be nice. Knock it off, will you?

  Queenie : Hey, what's all this fuss? I'm trying to lay in there. Chester you're starting trouble again, huh? Now, I can't leave you alone for two minutes. You're impossible. My mother never did like you.

  Rover Dangerfield : [elbows Chester]  Huh, you're really henpecked.

  Queenie : You, shut up. Stop picking on him.

  Rover Dangerfield : Hey, who do you think you're talking to? You're not married to me.

  [to Chester] 

  Rover Dangerfield : let's be reasonable. We're both mature animals, right?

  [Chester agrees] 

  Rover Dangerfield : From now on you're going to behave yourself right?

  [Chester agrees again] 

  Rover Dangerfield : No, more cock-a-doodle-doo right?

  [Chester agrees then purposely crows in his face] 

  Rover Dangerfield : That's it, buddy!

• Rover Dangerfield : this is dog food? you here of come and get it? this id try and eat it

• Rover Dangerfield : hey im smart when i was paper trained i learned how to read it too.

• Rover Dangerfield : [sleeps outsides then hears howling]  What's that?

  Max : The wolves. They're hunting tonight. It's their blood feast. Be careful out here, Rover. They've been known to kill a chicken or two.

  Rover Dangerfield : Oh yeah? Well, I'm not worried. I'm no chicken.

  [hears howling again, starts imitating a chicken and goes inside to sleep with the other dogs] 

• Rover Dangerfield : [to a flock of grazing sheep]  Okay, you cotton balls, listen up! I'm only going to bark this once.' your little Bo-Peep days are over. Your mommies aren't here to take care of you. From now on, I'm your mommy. Now get this. You're going to graze harder than you've grazed before. You may end up hating me, but I'll make sheep out of you. Always stay in a tight group. And no stampeding. I'm not gonna keep running back and forth. Screw up, you're lamb chops. Remember, they're out there waiting for you, with a mint jelly. Now 'Do we understand each other?'

  [the sheep bleat yes] 

  Rover Dangerfield : I can't hear you!

  [the sheep bleat louder yes] 

  Rover Dangerfield : Alright, move out. Move out!

• Raffles : Boys, this is Rover. He'll be staying with us. Rover, I'd like you to meet Max, Duke, Lem and Clem.

  Rover Dangerfield : Boys, how are you? Oh-h, I had a tough day. I want to relax. What do you do for fun around here?

  Duke : Well, after dinner we usually get together and howl at the moon.

  Rover Dangerfield : [sarcastically]  I can hardly wait. What do you do after that? Play "Watch the wheat?"