Brain Donors (1992)
Mel Smith: Rocco Melonchek
Photos
Quotes
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Rocco Melonchek : You're lying.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Of course I am, but hear me out!
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Roland T. Flakfizer : So, do you enjoy being a cab driver?
Rocco Melonchek : Nah. As soon as I get my driver's license, I'm quitting.
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[the amount on a taxi meter is rising quickly]
Roland T. Flakfizer : Aren't those numbers going by a little fast?
Rocco Melonchek : You're probably just a speed reader.
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Roland T. Flakfizer : You can be my chauffeur.
Rocco Melonchek : How much?
Roland T. Flakfizer : 200 bucks a week.
Rocco Melonchek : 600.
Roland T. Flakfizer : 300.
Jacques : 400.
Rocco Melonchek : 800.
Jacques : 900.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Wait a minute, wait a minute! Shouldn't I be in this negotiation somewhere? 350 and not a penny more.
Rocco Melonchek : I'll take it.
Jacques : What happened to one thousand?
Rocco Melonchek : I allow for taxes. I want four weeks in advance.
Jacques : Five weeks.
Rocco Melonchek : Six weeks.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Hold it, hold it, I'm giving you one minute to stop all this!
Rocco Melonchek : Two minutes.
Jacques : Five minutes.
Rocco Melonchek : Seven minutes.
Jacques : Nine minutes.
Roland T. Flakfizer : I've stepped into my own private living hell...
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Rocco : Charity work. I gather these for those less fortunate than myself who can't afford pornography.
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Rocco Melonchek : We'll have to perform a full rectum-ology.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Fondue, an epidemic! drop those pants... Not you, the patient.
Doctor : I thought you were cardiologists...
Rocco Melonchek : Uh, well, they're all connected, we enter the rectum and head north.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Why do you think we have such long instruments?
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Rocco : [as a dog rips his trouser leg] What a charming little animal.
Lillian Oglethorpe : Do you know dogs, Mister Melonchek?
Rocco : Know dogs? I used to be a chef in a Korean restaurant!
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Jacques : Society's to blame.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Too much violence in the movies.
Rocco Melonchek : It's my environment.
Jacques : We were carrying out orders!
Roland T. Flakfizer : It's the Japanese. They're buying up everything.
Rocco Melonchek : Did we leave anything out?
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Roland T. Flakfizer : You're not going to try and cheat me or anything.
Rocco Melonchek : I give you my word as a gentleman.
Roland T. Flakfizer : Well, you had me until then.
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Rocco Melonchek : [checking Mrs. Oglethorpe's pulse] I don't feel a thing. This woman is dead!
Flakfizer : You're holding *his* wrist!
Rocco Melonchek : Then this man is dead!