A League of Their Own (1992)

Jon Lovitz: Ernie Capadino

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Ernie sees Dottie and Kit vigorously milking cows] 

  Ernie Capadino : Ow. Doesn't that hurt them?

  Dottie Hinson : Doesn't seem to.

  Ernie Capadino : Well, that would bruise the hell out of me.

  Dottie Hinson : Who ARE you?

  Ernie Capadino : I'm Ernie Capadino. I'm a baseball scout. I saw you playing today. Not bad, not bad. You ever heard of Walter Harvey, makes Harvey bars - you know, the candy?

  Dottie Hinson : Yeah. We feed them to the cows when they're constipated.

  Ernie Capadino : That's the guy. He's starting a girls' baseball league, so he can make a buck while the boys are overseas. Wanna play?

  Dottie Hinson : Huh?

  Ernie Capadino : Nice retort. Tryouts are in Chicago. It's a real league, professional.

  Kit Keller : Professional - baseball?

  Ernie Capadino : Mmm-hmm. They'll pay you 75 dollars a week.

  Kit Keller : We only make 30 at the dairy.

  Ernie Capadino : Well then, this would be more, wouldn't it?

• Ernie Capadino : Are you coming? See, how it works is, the train moves, not the station.

• Ernie Capadino : Hey cowgirls, see the grass? Don't eat it.

• Ernie Capadino : [to a salesman]  You know, if I had your job, I'd kill myself! Wait here, I'll see if I can dig up a pistol.

• Ernie Capadino : Yeah, I'm just going home, grab a shower and shave, give the wife a little pickle-tickle, and I'm on my way.

• Ernie Capadino : Hey, no skin off my ashtabula. You want to stay here plucking cows, that's your business.

• Ernie Capadino : [to Kit, after she's interested of go to Chicago]  I don't want you, i want her; The one that hits the ball. You can climb back under the cow!

• Kit Keller : Wait, can't you just watch me pitch? Dottie, get your mitt! I'll throw him a few!

  Ernie Capadino : No, no, no. Now look, I know the goods when I see the goods

  [Gestures to Dottie] 

  Ernie Capadino : She's the goods. I'm sorry.

  [Puts his hand on Kit's arm in apology, then pauses and feels the muscle in Kit's arm] 

  Ernie Capadino : Hmm...

  [Cow moos behind him] 

  Ernie Capadino : Will you shut up!

  [to Kit] 

  Ernie Capadino : You're a pitcher, huh?

  Kit Keller : Yeah.

  Ernie Capadino : [Looks back at Dottie for a moment]  I'll tell you what: she comes, you can come too. And if you stink, it'll only cost us a train ticket.

  [Tries to walk through a group of chickens] 

  Ernie Capadino : And keep these wild animals away from me! Haven't you ever heard of a leash?

• Ernie Capadino : [sarcastically, to Dottie and Kit as they leave their farm]  Did you promise the cows you'd write?

• Lady on Train : Sir your knee?

  Ernie Capadino : Like It?

• Ernie Capadino : Come on now, one foot in front of the other, see?