Noises Off... (1992)
Nicollette Sheridan: Brooke Ashton, Vicki
Photos
Quotes
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Brooke : You can't even get the door open.
[and, in fact, Gary can't]
Lloyd : [distant] Hold it.
Frederick : [entering with Belinda] Yes, but this is Mrs. Clackett's afternoon off.
Lloyd : [a little louder] Hold it!
Frederick : We've got the place entirely to ourselves.
Belinda : Look at it.
Lloyd : [Freddy tries to close the door but can't] HOLD IT!
[they continue to try to open or close their respective doors]
Lloyd : And God said HOLD IT!
[they stop]
Lloyd : And they held it. And God saw that it was TERRIBLE!
Gary : Sorry, folks. The door won't open.
Belinda : Sorry, folks, this door won't close.
Lloyd : And God said, "POPPY!"
Frederick : Sorry folks, am I doing something wrong? You know how stupid I am about doors.
Belinda : Freddy, darling, you're doing it perfectly.
Frederick : As long as it wasn't me that broke it.
Lloyd : [Poppy comes on stage] ... And there was Poppy. And God said, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fetch Tim to fix the doors."
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[Dotty enters with the detached receiver and a small shovel]
Dotty : I've just come for me sardines.
[Gary yells in surprise, she gives a sarcastic yell back]
Gary : Well, I'm sorry, I thought there was no one here.
Dotty : I'm not here. I don't know where I am.
Gary : I'm from the agency.
[she tries to put the receiver down, but finds that the rest of the phone is missing]
Dotty : Lost the phone now.
Gary : Squire, Squire, Hackem and Dudley.
Dotty : Never lost the phone before.
Gary : I'm Tramplemain.
Dotty : I know, I'll just put it up here in case anyone wants it, look!
[she hangs the receiver on a lampshade]
Gary : Oh, right, thanks. No, no, I just dropped in to go into a few things - well, to check some of the measurements - do one or two odd jobs.
Dotty : Now the plate's gone.
Gary : Oh, and a client: I'm showing a prospective tenant over the house.
Brooke : What's wrong with this door?
[Dotty begins looking under the sofa cushions for the plate]
Gary : She's thinking of renting it, her interest is definitely aroused!
Brooke : [bursting out of the bathroom] That's not the bedroom!
[Dotty looks behind the sofa]
Gary : The bedroom? No, no, no, that's the downstairs bathroom and WC suite! And this is the housekeeper, Mrs. Crocket.
[he walks onto the sardines on the floor]
Dotty : Sardines! Here, sardines!
Brooke : Oh, hi!
Gary : She's not really here.
Dotty : You *stepped* on 'em!
[she pounds Gary's feet with the shovel]
