Shadows and Fog (1991)

Woody Allen: Kleinman

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Kleinmann : I've never paid for sex in my life.

  Prostitute : Oh, you just think you haven't.

  [laughs] 

• [last lines] 

  Kleinmann : What better way to - to spend the rest of my life than - than to help you with - with all those wonderful illusions of yours!

  Roustabout : It's true. Everybody loves his illusions.

  Magician : Loves them. They need them. Like they need the air.

• Irmy : I slept with someone for it. Does that makes me a whore?

  Kleinmann : [Referring to the money he's holding]  This?

  Irmy : Just one person. Does that make me a whore?

  Kleinmann : Well, no, only by the dictionary definition.

• Kleinmann : I can't even make a leap of faith to believe in my own existence

• Kleinman : A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.

• Kleinman : I don't know enough to be incompetent.

• Alma : [Angrily]  Get out and die! Get out and die! You rot in Hell, you filthy vermin!

  Kleinmann : It's good to see you're not bitter after all these years.

• Kleinmann : So when you have the sword down your throat, what happens if you get hiccups?

• Irmy : This is real, isn't it? And beautiful. I mean just think about it for a minute. Here we are, we're two strangers, and we're out in the night, and it's just so peaceful and quiet. And suddenly there's a little clearing in the fog and we can see right out to the stars. Doesn't this moment just seem perfect?

  Kleinmann : Yes, but, you know, it - it passes so quickly. Look. And even now the fog is starting to go back in and, you know, everything's always moving all the time, you know. Everything's constantly in motion, so - so it's no wonder that l'm nauseous.

• Irmy : l slept with somebody for it. Just one person. Does that make me a whore?

  Kleinmann : Well, only by the dictionary definition.

• Kleinmann : I know what I think but I don't know how to put it into words. Maybe I could get a little bit drunk and dance it for you.

• Landlady : Be careful. l'd hate for them to find you in an alley with your throat slit from ear to ear.

  Kleinmann : Don't worry about that. He mostly strangles.

• Landlady : I overheard everything. If you're caught by the maniac, blow pepper in his eyes.

  Kleinmann : Very good. I'll - I'll ward him off with a seasoning.

• Kleinman : l gotta put on a suit and a tie and...

  Landlady : What do you need a tie for? You're going to hunt for a homicidal maniac.

  Kleinman : Who do - do l know who l'll run into out there? What if l see my boss?

• Irmy : What are you staring at?

  Kleinmann : Me?

  Irmy : I'm not a whore!

  Kleinmann : What'd I say? Do l care what your hobbies are?

• Undesirables Onlooker : The police say they may be involved in the killings.

  Kleinmann : That's the Mintz family. l know them. They're very lovely people. He does quality circumcisions. l've seen his work.

• Alma : We looked everywhere! My father, my mother, my brothers. ''Where could he be?'' ''He was here before the ceremony. True, he was drinking.''

  Kleinmann : Listen, l know what you're gonna say.

  Alma : While everybody's walking around, puzzled and muttering - sensing my discomfort, he's discovered in a broom closet, making love with my sister.

  Kleinmann : Jesus. l thought l explained that to you.

  Alma : What kind of explanation could you possibly have? You're naked in the closet with my sister!

  Kleinmann : Look at her. She still holds that against me. lt's not that l didn't like you. l just didn't love you. l thought you were pregnant. l was trying to do the honorable thing.

  Alma : The honorable thing? To desert me at the altar and make love with my younger sister in a broom closet is the honorable thing?

  Kleinmann : Look, we just had your best interests at heart.

• Kleinmann : l don't wanna be sniffed!

• Irmy : So, are you gonna be okay?

  Kleinmann : I - I should be alright. You know, apart from the fact that - that l'm wanted by a lynch mob and the police are after me and there's a maniac loose and l'm unemployed, you know. Everything else is fine.