Barbarians at the Gate (1993 TV Movie)
Eric Poppick: 2nd Scientist
Quotes
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1st Scientist : [talking about the smokeless Premier cigarette survey] Well of all the people we surveyed the results were just about uniform
F. Ross Johnson : Uh huh.
Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : They all said they tasted like shit.
F. Ross Johnson : Like shit?
2nd Scientist : Shit was the consensus, yes sir.
F. Ross Johnson : They all said that? Nobody liked them?
2nd Scientist : Fewer than 5%
F. Ross Johnson : You said you heard the results were terrific.
Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : There's nothing wrong with 5%, Ross, I'll take 5% of the smoking market any day of the week
F. Ross Johnson : How much are we into right now?
1st Scientist : Right now?
F. Ross Johnson : To date, to here, to now?
1st Scientist : Upwards of 350.
F. Ross Johnson : We've spent 350 million dollars and we come up with a turd with a tip? God almighty, Ed! We poured enough technology in this project to send a cigarette to the moon and we come up with one that tastes like it took a dump?
Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : We haven't even talked about the smell.
F. Ross Johnson : Oh what did they say that was like? A fart?
Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : Yep.
F. Ross Johnson : Oh you're not serious! They really said that?
2nd Scientist : We have an awful lot of fart figures.
F. Ross Johnson : Tastes like shit and smells like a fart! Got ourselves a real winner here, it's one goddamn unique advertising slogan I'll give you that.
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F. Ross Johnson : And what the hell's wrong with the draw? You need an extra set of lungs just to take a drag.
1st Scientist : It is a little difficult.
F. Ross Johnson : A little difficult?
2nd Scientist : It's what we call the 'hernia effect'.
F. Ross Johnson : Is that's what we call it? Well there's another great billboard for you. What do we do, give away a truss with every pack? WARNING - this cigarette can tear your balls off!
Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : Their not so bad.
F. Ross Johnson : Stop jerking off Ed. Who the hell would sneak into a john to smoke one of these. Wherever you light one up you're in the shit house and I'm beginning to get the same feeling myself.