Cannibal! The Musical (1993)
Trey Parker: Alferd Packer
Photos
Quotes
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Alferd Packer : The sky is blue and all the leaves are green. My heart's as warm as a baked potato. I think I know precisely what I mean, when I say it's a *shpadoinkle* day! As I ride with my girl, She's my best friend in the whole world! We'll move along, set our goals high With eyes full of hope as we aim for the-- Sky is blue and all the leaves are green. My heart's as full as a baked potato. I think I know precisely what I mean, When I say it's a shpadoinkle day! When I say it's a happy-go-moinkaly lucky shpadoinklely... dayyyyyy.
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Polly Pry : You made it to Wyoming, right?
Alferd Packer : Yeah, but I would've been better off just letting those people catch me and kill me.
Polly Pry : Why?
Alferd Packer : You ever been to Wyoming.
[cut to Alferd in a deserted field]
Alferd Packer : Uh, hello?
Polly Pry : [cut back to the jail cell] Oh God! It sounds horrible!
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[reaching the Grand Canyon]
Alferd Packer : Come on, we can just walk around it. It can't be that big.
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[after spotting a sheep, George Noon starts unzipping his pants]
Alferd Packer : No, to eat.
George Noon : I know, I gotta take a piss!
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Indian #2 : Nanda? Sugu kotchi koi! Haiyaku! Haiyaku!
[What the heck? Come here immediately! Quickly! Quickly!]
Indian #1 : Kuso, bakayarou! Kono eiga ga daikirai zo.
[Shit, you moron! I hate this movie]
James Humphrey : Uh, you guys, I think they want us to follow them.
Indian #1 : Ike. Kono eiga ga suggoi baka na eiga da na!
[Go. This is a really stupid movie!]
Alferd Packer : What should we do?
George Noon : Maybe they just want Humphrey.
Indian #1 : Kotchi koi!
[Come here!]
Shannon Bell : I guess we don't have much choice.
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Frank Miller : Well, haven't you ever heard of the Donner party?
James Humphrey : Yeah, the Donner party! They got stuck in the California mountains.
Alferd Packer : They had to eat each other to stay alive.
[They all glance over at Swan's corpse]
James Humphrey : Well, heck yeah, why not?
Shannon Bell : Wait a minute, Humphrey, you wouldn't even eat your shoes!
James Humphrey : Well yeah, but you put your feet in shoes!
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Alferd Packer : ...But that's not the way it happened...
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[about his horse, Liane]
Alferd Packer : She didn't just take off. We're friends, and friends don't just take off.
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[after finding his companions slain]
Alferd Packer : Okay, what are you guys doing?
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James Humphrey : You guys! I just thought of something too.
Alferd Packer : What?
James Humphrey : Okay, now, you remember when Swan was building that snowman? Well, how the hell did he make that tapping sound with his feet?
George Noon : You just now thought of that?
James Humphrey : Well, it's pretty fucking weird, isn't it?
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[singing about Liane]
Alferd Packer : Your eyes, your smile,/made my little life worthwhile./The sky was a lot more blue/when I was on top of you.
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Polly Pry : How are you doing?
Alferd Packer : How am I doing? Have you ever been sitting around waiting to die?
Polly Pry : Yes! I have as a matter of fact!
Alferd Packer : When?
Polly Pry : Well alright, I've never really...
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Sheriff Amos Wall of Saguache : Alferd Packer, any last words?
Alferd Packer : Yes.
Sheriff Amos Wall of Saguache : [sighs] Oh well, make it quick.
Alferd Packer : Probably the most important thing is that when things get really bad and the world looks its darkest, you just have to throw up your hands and say "Well, alright!" cause it's probably gonna get a whole hell of a lot worse.
Sheriff Amos Wall of Saguache : Jolly good! Now let's get on with the hanging!
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George Noon : How deep do you think it is?
Alferd Packer : [throws rock in and everybody stares at the splash site for a few seconds]
Frank Miller : Well, what the hell was that supposed to prove?
Alferd Packer : Well, s-s... what... I don't know.
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Alferd Packer : [voiceover] We were all frostbitten and on our last legs, when the butcher suggested that we eat our shoes.
James Humphrey : Well, I'm not eating my fucking shoes!
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Frenchy Cabazon : Say, you gents wanna trade some furs for the trip?
[takes some dead animals out of a sack]
Frenchy Cabazon : We got rabbits and beavers.
Israel Swan : Oh, how horrible!
James Humphrey : Where'd you guys get all those little dead animals?
O.D. Loutzenheiser : We're trappers, stupid!
Alferd Packer : Poor little bunny rabbits.
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Alferd Packer : [after a deranged dream sequence] IKE!
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Alferd Packer : I'm Alferd Packer.
Frenchy Cabazon : Frenchy Cabazon.
Alferd Packer : Oh. You're French.
Frenchy Cabazon : No.
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Shannon Bell : Howdy!
General Store Clerk : Howdy!
George Noon : Howdy!
General Store Clerk : Howdy!
Israel Swan : Howdy-do!
General Store Clerk : Howdy!
Frank Miller : Howdy!
General Store Clerk : Howdy!
James Humphrey : Howdy!
General Store Clerk : Howdy!
Alferd Packer : Howdy-do!
General Store Clerk : Howdy!
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Voice of Doom : [the miners meet a strange old man] You'll never come back again! It's got a curse on it!
James Humphrey : Provo?
Voice of Doom : The Rocky Mountains! I gotta warn ya... You're doomed! Doomed! Doomed! You're doomed! Doomed! Turn back while you still can! You're doomed! You're all doomed!
[He leaves]
Shannon Bell , Alferd Packer : Thank you.