My Sex Life... or How I Got Into an Argument (1996) Poster

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8/10
A funny, intelligent film full of weird looking attractive french people...
El_Fireos31 August 2006
I can understand why a lot of people will find this film boring. It's one of the most dialogue heavy films you'll ever see and the sporadic voice-over gives us so many complex and philosophical insights into the characters that it is quite hard to digest.

Having said that, I think this a fantastic film. It is very insightful, drole and poignant- for those who've ever been in any kind of relationship (or better yet, several, simultaneously). The narrative has a funny way of leaping around at times, but generally returns to Paul- whose daily struggles with his relationships to his friends, students and fellow academics cause him a lot of grief and awkward situations. The whole film is beautifully acted, and at times the dialogue soars from scene to scene with studied eloquence. The music is also used to dramatic effect, rendering the small interior changes and developments in the characters into the life changing moments of which they are worthy. I say get this film, some cigarettes, a couple of bottles of wine and a comfy seat. You're in for a treat.
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6/10
How I Got Sidetracked
writers_reign25 June 2005
It's fair to say that had I not found Rois et Reine so rich, complex and ultimately enjoyable I may not have taken the trouble (to say nothing of the three hours needed) to watch this earlier work by Arnaud Desplechin toplining the same two very fine actors (Manu Devos and Mathieu Almaric). The fact that this time around the duo were supported by the likes of Jeanne Balibar, Denis Podalydes, Marion Cotillard and Chiara Mastroianni merely sweetened the pot but it has to be said that Desplechin doesn't make it easy. Almaric plays a University lecturer named Paul Dedaulus, a name surely not chosen at random. Daedalus, in Greek mythology was the father of Icarus, who flew too near the sun, but apart from that Daedalus was on straight commission from King Minos of Crete for whom he created among other things, the maze and the Minotaur in the centre of it. I'm betting twelve to seven that Desplechin had that very same maze in mind when he dreamed up this labyrinthine storyline of a man who is constantly taking wrong turnings in his attempt to move forward in his life. As a vacillator this guy can leave Hamlet dead in the water; should he stay with Devos - with whom he has been in an on/off relationship for ten years - or should he attempt to make and/or get a firm commitment from one of the three other girls with whom he is involved. At the end of three hours your guess is as good as mine but it is also fair to say that along the way we have been treated to some very fine acting indeed though whether it has any point is moot. Those, like me, who enjoy watching French actors - without question some of the finest in the world - in their early careers will find this enthralling for that reason alone. Those will little or no interest in French actors, fine or otherwise, may well be bemused, bored or both.
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7/10
a saga in a cup of espresso
dromasca4 August 2021
Warning: Spoilers
The first thing that strikes at the 1996 film directed by Arnaud Desplechin is the title: 'Comment je me suis dispute ... (ma vie sexuelle)' (or in English 'My Sex Life... or How I Got Into an Argument). It is a title almost as impossible as that of Radu Jude's latest film that received the Golden Bear at the Berlin Film Festival, a title that wants to state even before the screening begins that the viewer will have a cinematic experience that is from the usual patterns. The second thing those who read the film sheet notice is the duration: three hours minus two minutes. Today it has become more common for films to last at least two hours, and productions lasting about two and a half hours are not uncommon either, but in the previous century, even in its last decade, such a duration was mainly reserved for the genre of the historical saga, and the screening was divided into two series. This is not the case with 'Comment ....' (you'll excuse my abbreviation, I hope) which is a unitary cinematic work and which is in fact a comic drama contemporary to the period in which the film was made, having as heroes a group of French intellectuals in their 30s, their bonds of friendship and love, conflicts, love affairs and separations. On one hand it is a complex film because of the fabric of intrigue and the evolution of the characters, on the other hand it is a surprisingly simple film if we analyze carefully what is actually happening on the screen.

I guess that one of the inspirational models of the screenwriter and director were those films of Woody Allen that take place in the intellectual circles of the northeast coast of the United States. We follow a group of friends, mostly students or in the first years after graduation, who seem to live in a kind of sentimental commune, sharing their adventures and almost casually freely swapping partners. When things take a more serious turn, psychoanalysis and its variants appear. The off-screen commentary is copiously used, sometimes in the 3rd person in Nouvelle Vague style, other times in the 1st person, as if made from the patient's couch. The main hero is Paul Dedalus (Mathieu Almaric), professor of literature and doctoral student at a prestigious university, whom we will see separating from Esther (Emmanuelle Devos), his mistress on-off for ten years, entering a risky adventure with the unstable and sometimes violent Valerie (Jeanne Balibar), and dreaming of Sylvia (Marianne Denicourt) who is the mistress of his best friend, Nathan (Emmanuel Salinger). His professional life is capped, with a doctoral thesis whose completion seems to last an eternity, and to make things worse, a former friend and now rival, in fact a nullity with pretensions, gets a better position as an associate professor in the same faculty. Achieving his aspiration to follow the intellectual path that attracts him and to write literary criticism involves giving up his academic career. The ending is not too different from the beginning. A few years passed from the life of the heroes and three hours from that of the spectators.

The film alternates dialogues between the young people with scenes from intimacy, plus flashbacks that clarify the biographies and paths of the heroes in previous years. The verbosity is intense and a bit lacking in depth, with dialogues that mostly take place at restaurants, parties or in bed, with diary pages and letters sent and not sent, with testimonials in video-documentary style. Arnaud Desplechin manages to create some anthological scenes when he goes to extremes emphasising the comic or emotional elements (with the help of the excellent Emmanuelle Devos). The whole team of actors is remarkable, and we can say that this is the film of a generation of young French intellectuals played by a representative selection of a generation of young French actors. The lead role belongs to Matthieu Amalric, for whom 'Comment ...' was the first film in which he was cast in a consistent role. The interpretation is remarkable. Paul Dedalus seems to be a late teenager who refuses to mature sentimentally but also to abandon his ideals, and his family name can be considered an allusion to the sentimental and professional labyrinth, full of wrong paths and attempts to come to light in which his life takes place. The detached approach and the alternating counterpoint of the intellectual, sentimental and comic scenes make the film enjoyable to watch and attenuates the effort of the three hours of viewing. Would the movie have been better if it had lasted an hour less? We will never know, but we would have certainly missed the opportunity to discuss this topic.
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9/10
love as it happens
bldonnell2 March 2000
It's a pretty long movie, but I'm so entertained by everything in it that I don't give a damn if it all falls neatly into a precise trajectory. My first viewing had me grinning in sheer pleasure. Now, having bought the video, I sometimes start and stop it at random places, and always am immediately engaged wherever I happen to dive in.

The film is not at all linear, but elaborates on a situation: Paul, having made a promising start as a philosophy prodigy, has become frozen, only to watch his friends all become successful. His love life is similarly suspended: he can neither be with his girlfriend of ten years nor let her go, while engaging in clandestine affairs with women who either torture him or are unavailable. The movie consists of all the permutations of romance and sex and humiliation and mistakes he goes through as he squirms his way back into life again. Now, I don't know if this sounds fun or not, but what's wonderful about it is, first of all, that it's very funny, and second, that it's so real.

Love and sex are presented as they happen in real life - nothing neat and clean, but a chaos made of moments of fascination an passion and searching and confusion made by two (or more) people whose lives are deep waters. Everything here is instantly recognizable and completely unpredictable. Candid, sexy...
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10/10
I think every graduate student must see this movie.
kes2025 June 2003
This movie is hillarious, especially to those who might be taking a good number of years to finish their dissertations. Endless hateful characters, endless fun! Both my fiance (whose favourite movies include Dumb and Dumber and Trains, Planes and Automobiles) and I (a Gone with the Wind and Dr. Zhivago type) managed to find much to laugh about here!
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An amazing film that discusses philosophical issues of mating rituals.
dan-1201 October 1998
A fascinating look at a group of post-grad friends as they drink, fight and fall in love. Very philosophical men, very beautiful women (or is it vice versa?) ponder what it means to be in a relationship and approaching 30.
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5/10
The French cinema in decline
jandesimpson9 April 2002
In my comments on "J'embrasse Pas", a film I much admire, I mentioned the decline of the French cinema in recent years. As an example to substantiate this, look no further than "Ma Vie Sexuelle", a work of gargantuan proportions (3 hours running time) that for me fails to transcend the commonplace it seems to be celebrating and becomes trapped in inertia. On the surface much of it is not unlike a Rohmer film. There is a group of young people living in Paris. Paul, the central character is a University tutor. There are at least three young woman in his life and he moves from one to another indecisively. There are endless scenes in cafes, in one anothers' apartments and at parties; the very stuff of Rohmer. The Master, however, would have made it last half the time with several times the degree of perception. "Ma Vie Sexuelle", on the other hand, has a curious lack of purpose, often losing its sense of directional balance. What to make of the two flashbacks to Paul's childhood that seem to add nothing to our knowledge of his character? And then there is the strange figure of Rabier, a senior lecturer whose return to the University seems to fill Paul with unease over his inadequacy to cope with professional life. Presumably he is intended to play a pivotal role like one of Iris Murdoch's "enchanters". But how can he when he is depicted as a quirky idiot who goes everywhere with a pet monkey? The sudden change of mood to black comedy when the monkey becomes trapped behind a radiator is curiously at variance with the rest of the film. There is a background score that, with its suggestion of unease, would fit better in a Chabrol thriller than these mundane goings-on. To add to all the muddled pretentiousness there is a voice-over narrative so beloved by earlier French masters such as Resnais and Truffaut but here there is nothing perceptive in what is said. It simply supplies the connections that the Taiwanese masters, Hou Xiaoxian and Edward Yang, would have demanded far more subtly we make for ourselves. The film is thus a mishmash of influences completely lacking a sense of individuality. Let those in search of titillation from a film so entitled beware. "La Vie Sexuelle" is almost puritanically staid. It belongs to a much older Wave than the New.
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10/10
The best French film of the decade
BigCombo30 August 1999
It's the best French film of the decade and perhaps one of the greatest investigations into young love ever made. Mathieu Amalric is a revelation and demonstrates he's one of the finest young actors in the entire world. I love this film, and it makes me so happy to know it exists.
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1/10
...like a hole in the head.
alice liddell7 June 2000
James Joyce may have been the greatest writer of the 20th century, but his altar-ego, Stephen Dedalus, is one of literature's great bores, a self-regarding intellectual who gets so lost in a swamp of second-hand ideas he does not know how to live life, and where one line will do, will speak reams of dense, circular, allusive cant.

Ditto his namesake Paul in this film, with whom we have the privilege of spending three hours, as he talks, makes a mess of his life, talks, makes a mess of his career, talks, makes a mess of his relationships, and talks. 173 minutes. Like Stephen, his problems with writing are linked to his problems with sex. This is a key film of the Young French Cinema, which favours the flat filming of dozens of bright charmless young things drinking coffee and talking about Wittgenstein. Great.
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waste of time
magus-96 December 2000
French Realism is like any other Realism, but longer. The Realist film-maker shoots "real people" in "real life". Here, in this film, there are some guys and girls, and they meet, talk, drink, eat, sleep, make love, wake up, walk, stop walking, look at something, walk past a traffic sign, light a cigarette next to a car, etc., etc. Maybe if you were a native of an entirely different culture you might find all this interesting, but my recommendation is to avoid the film and go out with your friends instead. Maybe film your evening on video and send it to Despleschin so he can re-edit it as "Ma Vie Sexuelle 2." The film is well made and well acted, but my 93-year-old grandmother is slightly more interesting and a bit less predictable. Sad to say, but this kind of film seems to be increasingly what is imported from France; films by youngish film-makers who suffer from that terrible narcissism: that people like them are endlessly fascinating and worth 3 hours of a stranger's time. In most cases this is sadly not so: my friends are much more interesting, my life is more real, and my thoughts are more profound. Not intrinsically, but just because I live them, I don't read them off a screen.
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4/10
it took almost 3 hours to get to the point
tarouche20 November 2001
don't get me wrong, the film had its moments. it had an interesting premise, and engaging characters who had a lot of memorable lines.

what it lacked was cohesion. it had waaayyyy too many sub-plots which i believe were not necessary for the film to make its point.

somebody should have taken a pair of scissors to it.
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1/10
Dull and duller
cat-hoy8 July 2008
Sorry, I didn't really read the other comment because frankly it was just too wordy for me, and it didn't really explain anything or answer any questions.

So I'll keep it brief...

I (having lived in France and studied French for many years) also love French cinema and French actors, but I was one of the above aforementioned "bored" viewers. So it isn't just anti-intellectuals who would be willing this film to end. We all know French films can be slow-paced but this is just ridiculous.

My advice, steer clear. There are much better ways to spend 170 or so minutes of your life. Watching paint dry perhaps.
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3/10
Odious characters
hof-418 August 2021
A meandering story about disagreeable, unlovable, humorless people that seem to have a knack for ruining their lives and those of their friends. Relationships that could mean something are squelched, friends and lovers are betrayed and grudges are held with ever increasing intensity leading to public humiliation, violence and unhinged dreams/fantasies. It appears the director originally wanted to name this movie "How I got into an argument with Eric Barbier" (the latter a fellow moviemaker). He was judicially prevented from doing so, but included nstead a supremely distasteful personage named Rabier (!).

The protagonist is named Paul Dedalus. Since the Daedalus of Greek mythology is a symbol of wisdom. Knowledge and power (all absent here) the name may refer to Joyce's Stephen Dedalus and his labyrinthine, clumsy search for meaning. Or not. The tale is told in three hours, not because the material warrants the length but because many scenes are extended beyond reason. Acting is good all around, but some actors are dragged by the script into over-the-top situations.

Given the fact that people like these exist, you may enjoy this movie and its prequel My Golden Days (2015). I could not overcome my distaste of the characters.
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Paul's hair is the best part
johdousha17 October 2000
This movie was very, very boring. I can't really say it should have been edited down to two hours and then it would be better, because there isn't two hours worth of good movie material there. The actor who played Paul was good. Actually, all the actors and actresses seemed very realistic, but that's just not enough to make the movie interesting. If someone wants to make a movie, they ought to have a story to tell first. In Ma Vie Sexuelle, there was no story. Anyway, the atmosphere and the camera work was good. But the movie still stinks. I'd only recommend it to someone in prison who's watched every other movie in the world first. Or to someone I wanted to show what cool hair looks like...
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1/10
Boring, boring, boring...
muriel-milne7 February 2013
Dedalus is in a personal maze and he can't get out of it. He questions himself, fails, questions more and still fails.

This film is boring, there are no other adjective for it. Other reviews say it is boring and it does not create any emotion apart from boredom, are we then all mad ?

You can try watching it, if you are a PhD student and want to finish your doctorate, if you have issues with your girlfriend, you might get an answer or you might not.

The title says almost everything and from it, it would give you a hint at why it should be avoided at all cost.

This is a continuous non eventful movie, nothing happens because in the character's life, nothing happens, it is static. Inertia should be Dedalus middle name.

This is not a waltz of emotions, it is a pure boring nightmare.
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