Sgt. Bilko (1996)
Daryl Mitchell: Pfc. Wally Holbrook
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Quotes
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[Bilko is playing golf on the army base]
Bilko : Twenty bucks says I can hit the parking lot.
Wally : I don't gamble.
Bilko : Well, what is it you *do* do?
Wally : Permission to speak freely...
Bilko : Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead!
Wally : I get up every morning and I get dressed to protect the American way of life.
Bilko : Would you tell me that later tonight so I don't have to take a sleeping pill?
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Wally : You men are soldiers! Guardians of freedom! And frankly I don't think there's a man or woman here who's taken their service oath seriously!
Fender : You know what? I'm gonna kill him.
Bilko : Fender!
[as Fender tries to grab him, Wally uses martial arts skills to twist his arm and flip him over onto the floor]
Bilko : Now, this is the stuff they should be teaching in the Army.
Wally : They are.
Bilko : No kidding?
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[Morning. 'Reveille' plays over the loudspeakers]
Wally : Hey, Sarge! Get up! Hurry!
Bilko : [jumping out of bed with his sleeping mask still on] What's the matter? What's the matter? Everybody take cover! Gather all the men! Man the battle stations! And...
[pauses as he hears the reveille tune]
Bilko : What's that music?
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Bilko : Hello, soldiers.
[they look around]
Bilko : I'm talking to you. Because that's what you are, really, soldiers. Every last one you with a couple of exceptions.
Paparelli : [whispering] He's got a plan.
Fender : [whispering] He sure does.
Bilko : I'm going to tell you a little story. There once was a little boy, and that little boy had a dream to run one of the most sophistocated, illegal gaming operations the United States Army has ever seen.
Zimmerman : [whispering] He's not worried.
Morales : [whispering] Not a bit.
Bilko : And that little boy's dream came true... but now,they're trying to snatch that dream *back* from him.
Zimmerman : [whispering] He's worried.
Morales : [whispering] It's not good.
Bilko : But what are the last two letters in the name Bilko? K-O! Of course the first few letters are B-I-L, which is meaningless. But still, am I giving up? No! Never! Well kind of, but not really, because there is *no way* I'm going to Greenland. Well, you are probably wondering if I have a plan. Well, of course I have a plan! A P-L-A-N - plan!
[spells "PALN" on the chalkboard]
Bilko : But, ha ha ha.
[begins crying]
Paparelli : [whispering] He's got no plan.
Morales : [whispering] We're screwed.
Wally : I have a plan, Sarge.
Bilko : But maybe, a plan is not what I really need. what I really need,
[gets down on knees]
Bilko : is just a little puppy.
[crying and interacting with an imaginary puppy]
Bilko : A little puppy with big brown eyes, who would just come to me and lick my face, and just love me so much no matter what kind of person I am.
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Pfc. Wally Holbrook : [Pvt. Doberman is playing tug-of-war with a horse for a bet] What's going on?
Sgt. Raquel Barbella : It's Private Doberman, he's the one that looks sort of human. Last night in the gym he said, "I feel as strong as a horse." Some guy from Company P overheard him and said, "Yeah, for how much?". That's the golden rule around here, you don't say nothing unless you're prepared to back it up.