3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998) User Reviews

High Noon at Mega Suck-fest

[Red-Barracuda · 2/10 · 18 January 2006]

First off, this is a kids movie so certain allowances should be made for its rubbishness. But I expect that the majority of 7 year olds would find High Noon an unrewarding and painful experience.

The film concerns a group of extremely unscary baddies who decide that world domination can be best achieved by hijacking an amusement park. Two things prevent the villains from carrying out their evil plan. Firstly, the bad guys find themselves easily defeated at every turn by three children and Hulk Hogan. Secondly, those aforementioned bad guys are morons.

The three children are, of course, the 3 Ninjas. They defeat fully grown men in martial art combat at every turn. Particularly remarkable, since one of the kids appears to be about four years old. Of especial note is the second youngest as he sports a haircut that is so abysmally misguided it makes Billy Ray Cyrus's mullet look tasteful. It is a bowl-cut/pony-tail combo; two haircuts from hell all on one head - it is truly horrendous and should really not be seen by younger viewers.

An interesting aspect of the movie is that despite the fact that the fairground has been hijacked, no one seems to have informed the extras. They carry on enjoying the rides as if nothing has happened. As I said earlier, the bad guys are essentially idiots, so its just possible that they have not got their heads round the technicalities of hijacking. But, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter as the film is not exactly convincing in a general sense.

Do I recommend it? Not really but it is an ideal birthday present for a child you dislike.

a bad acting roller-coaster

[matthew-lamb · 2/10 · 12 April 2005]

There two types of bad film.... a)a film so bad you turn it off immediately or b)bad films starring hulk hogan that you have to watch to amuse yourself. Hulk plays Dave Dragon, some old guy who is not very hard and not very funny - and basically the bottom line of the film is some female terrorist tries to take over a theme park. They fail, thanks to some geeky kids who apparently know martial arts. The most annoying thing though is how easily grown adults get beaten up by pesky little kids. This film is so bad, but, fair play, I watched most of it so it achieved something in that sense. Enjoyable if you like ripping it out of bad actors and rubbish plots.

Here be monsters...

[A_Roode · 2/10 · 14 February 2006]

Old sea maps used to leave a warning on the outer edges of the charts. It would read: "Here be monsters." I wish such a message had been written before the opening credits. Oh, actually it was, but it was in code that I deciphered too late to save myself. It was the part which read: "3 Ninjas High Noon at Mega Mountain." WOE! WOE UNTO ME!!!!

I'm a man with, admittedly, unusual and quirky tastes when it comes to film and film actors/actresses. I like a lot of character actors because they tend to get the most interesting variety of parts. I really loved Victor Wong's career. Memories of his performances in films like 'Tremors,' 'Prince of Darkness,' and especially 'Big Trouble in Little China' (with another favourite of mine, Al Leong -- the Wing Kong Hatchet Man!!! *LOL*) have put me on a quest to see as much of his work as possible.

A quest that died Saturday afternoon just past.

This deeply regrettable, dreckish, foul excuse of a film and the knowledge that Victor Wong appeared in three other incarnations of it is enough to sour even the strongest movie-goers stomach. Victor's appearance in this awful thing is mercifully concentrated in the opening of the film. It gives him no chance to show off any of his inimitable charm and Victor Wong looks like a tired old man weighed down by the two hardest words that any actor will ever have to listen to: Contractual obligation.

Music: insipid. Direction: insipid. Plot: insipid. Dialogue: insipid. Acting: hit and miss.

The kids all deserved better than to be stuck in this film. For fear that they will track me down and beat the heck out of me with their ninja skills, just let me say that they all gave academy award worthy performances. Exhibit A: the two younger brothers manage to keep a straight face and wait -- holding their fight stance -- for thirty seconds as the three bad guy adults struggle to get out of their costumes and dress up again so that the kids can yell "NINJAS!!!" I don't blame the kids for this despite the fact that they were as unwatchable as everything else here. This film will bore parents to death so unless you want orphans, avoid, avoid, AVOID!!!

Victor Wong (let me return to a bright light for a moment) died after this film. Jim Varney, who also appeared in this film, has also since died. You may draw your own conclusions.

Varney, in all fairness, is probably the best thing in this film. His performance takes him in a scene-stealing direction with a bad guy turn. Out-acting Loni Anderson, Hulk Hogan and all three ninjas, he easily comes across as a bully who is picking an acting fight with unarmed opponents ... I said I wasn't going to blame the kids... this wasn't their fault, this wasn't their fault ...

Final Verdict: (un)watchable... BEARABLE only for those who are die-hard Wong or Varney fans. Also bearable if one chants over and over again the words: "this too shall pass." All others should give a miss with extreme prejudice.

CRRRRRRRRRAP!!!!!!!!

[stu-22 · 1 July 2000]

1992's "3 Ninjas" was a really cool movie, back in 2nd grade! I felt that it would of been best to leave it alone. But, like all money hungry executives do, they have to go and make 3 lame sequels that overexpose what made the first one successful: fighting. And I don't know what the hell the filmakers were doing while shooting these movies and casting the stars? I guess they filmed the third one right after the first and intended for that to be the second one, since the kids in it are the same as the kids in the first! (still with me?)

But overall, this is the worst of the four. Was it supposed to be a prequel or something, 'cause all three kids look about 5 years younger than in the previous movies. And even if it was a prequel, the filmakers obviously didn't realize the kids don't get their names until later. Please don't rent this movie to enjoy it with your kids or yourself. Rent it to make fun of it with a friend or sibling, but beware, it might bore you or cheese you to death before you finish it!!

Note: A black belt doesn't screech out a high-pitched "HI-YA" when doing something like throwing an egg at a bad guy or cutting a rope that releases an anvil or something of that sort that black-belts don't do.

possibly the worst movie i've ever seen

[ztem89 · 1/10 · 6 November 2004]

the only reason i rented this garbage excuse for a movie is because i am a big fan of the original 3 ninjas movie. when the original came out i was a little kid and it was great. after seeing 3 ninjas kick back and 3 ninjas knuckle up i wasn't expecting 3 ninjas high noon to be that good, since the 2 preceding ones weren't' that great. so finally, 8 years after the release i rent 3 Ninjas High Noon at Mega Mountain....where shall i begin.

-3 new actors playing the boys, if u can even consider them actors -rocky is "too cool" to be a ninja -colt has a lisp and a pony tail -tum-tum looks like he retrograded back in time and is now 5

-when tum-tum screams hi-ya it sounds like a little girl

-hulk holgan is in this movie -terriorts take over AN AMUSMANT PARK! -worst acting i've ever seen...ninjas, hulk holgan, terriorts included -dummest plot line

this movie killed the 3 ninjas for me. i don't' think i can ever watch the original again and enjoy it. every time i see rocky i will think of a stuck up asshole; colt, i will think of his "new look", and tum-tum i will think of a 5 year old cry baby.

god

Right to video...

[MegaX · 1/10 · 24 June 1999]

This was horrible. I remember that the original movie was mildly amusing, but this stinker left me disgusted. This is one movie where I was actually wanting the villains to win, because of the annyoing, constipated sounding screeching noises that "Tum-Tum" was making for karate yells and what not. I actually laughed when Loni Anderson said "Rest in pieces". The first two movies were cute, the third was...blech, but when a movie stars Hulk Hogan.... slow up on that, you've already lost all the money that you put into this flop; and then some.

this movie STINKS

[eragon565 · 1/10 · 15 July 2005]

This movie is the most awful karate movie i have ever seen. The moves the kids did stunk, the plot was lame, and the ending was dumb. At the end, the bad guy offers a fight deal against the grandpa when he is his prisoner. If the bad guy had half a brain, he would have simply kept him as a prisoner. When the ninja kids do their moves, they do not look realistic and they do not actually hit the targets when they do the moves, but the bad guys get hit anyway. Also, to hold off the criminals in their home, the ninjas give two of them diarrhea?? How lame is that? DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!!! IT STINKS!!! This movie is currently on my top 10 of worst movies of all time. Oh, by the way, the kids looked like they were 3 yrs younger than before and the middle aged boy's hairdo gave me nightmares. DO NOT WATCH THIS!!!!

There's a circle of hell reserved for Hulk Hogan, based on this movie alone

[itsbaylis · 1/10 · 30 October 2006]

My therapist won't like me talking about it but I've got a bottle of calm-down pills nearby in case this review brings up too many memories for me ad causes...a relapse.

This film is dreadful. There aren't enough words to describe how buttock clenchingly bad this film is. It made me want to yell at those responsible about how they were causing physical pain to people with this movie. I was 12 when I first watched this and I thought it was awful then as well. I defy any child to be content with this dross, and if any adult enjoys it I'm sorry but the men in white coats are coming with the special jacket.

The plot is nonsense, the dialogue stomach churning and the acting worse than anything seen in a Friday the 13th movie. Avoid if you like your eyeballs and don't want to spoon them out.

Now if you'll excuse me I'll just take my tablets and go to bed before they come and take me away again...

Awful. Just Plain Awful.

[discogrove · 1/10 · 31 March 2003]

Hey amigos, your good friend Disco Bob here with a few comments on 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain. Man, they should've stopped the 3 Ninja series a long time ago. The first was a very fun spin on the Karate Kid series, the second fit right along with the first and was a good sequel, but this one? Horrid. Also, they got Hulk Hogan in it which drops the ratings of any movie. What were they honestly thinking with him and that washed up hag Loni Anderon. Oy vey. I feel vaklempt just thinking about this flick.

A middle school AV team could have made a better movie.

[tokyostreetkiller · 1/10 · 21 April 2006]

Honestly. Do yourself a favor and don't watch this crap. It is not even good enough to be a lame kids movie. In fact, the makers of this film should be sentenced to a life term in prison for exposing the world to such garbage.

Seriously, there are a lot of cut corners here, and the story is worse than that of a cheap porn flick. Anyone who payed to see this movie in a theater was robbed. It still amazes me that this could have been printed, honestly, the movie is just one stupid gag after another, one's we have already seen and are tired of. On a scale of 1 to 10, I wouldn't give it a score at all, it is not good enough.

Outlandish movie.............. phenomenal soundtrack!

[gimpnmagician22 · 2/10 · 24 June 2008]

I'm sure when this movie came out it was the greatest disappointment of whatever season it was released in. I'm sure the intrepid masses of casual movie-goers teeming with anticipation for the latest 3 Ninjas spectacle felt betrayed on a deep and personal level akin to having a father register you for the navy. While this movie may not be the best in its class and may suffer from numerous flaws (rancid acting, unrealistic plot, pathetic villains, stanky clichés, annoying ninja kid grunts, Hulk Hogan's dialogue, Hulk Hogan's wardrobe, Hulk Hogan) it still maintains one splendid aspect which I find delightful no matter how many times a week I sit down and pop this VHS in: its soundtrack.

Yes, Howard Bucket may be one of the most under-recognized composers of synthesized film soundtracks. I bought this soundtrack on cassette in 2001 and have never felt more satisfied spending a dollar twenty five. Bucket shows a diverse range of emotions, from the go-lucky tune of "Ninjas and a Female Geek" to the dark and menacing track "Varney's Villainy". Who could refuse the heroic and uplifting tone of "Dragon's Theme"? A personal favorite of mine is "Hogan Gets Captured Again". The whimsical and bouncy nature of "Bad Guys Get the Money" forms a stark contrast to the dramatic almost nerve-biting "Realistic Battle on Top of a Roller Coaster Track", a technique that bands like Radiohead and Smash Mouth began to employ many years after. And who can forget the pen-ultimate track "Tum Tum Eats the Flesh of the Fallen"? Yes, this soundtrack is truly as epic as the film it was made for, but of a much higher quality! You see kids, soundtracks don't require a gigantic team of cameramen, directors, producers, writers, engineers, actors, more writers, actors' parents, and technical consultants. Soundtracks require only one lonely thirty three year old in a studio with a synthesizer. And a lot of heart.

Wonderful Flick

[miked272001 · 10/10 · 25 October 2007]

This movie was a real treat. I say "treat" in the sense that it was one of the worst movies I've ever seen, hence I love it. The plot is ridiculous & other posters have done a good job at pointing out the shortcomings so I'll keep this brief. As someone alluded to previously & after a secondary viewing last night re-enforced, it is quite comical how the "terrorists" go through extreme measures to get into the park (ie; having a ship offshore, jet skis, scuba diving, underwater lasers etc,) when they could just pay the nominal fee to gain access to the park! That was great. Hulk Hogan as always, is a crowd pleaser. I like at the end when he knocks off the tops of the underwater breathing apparatuses with a single blow & they masquerade as oxygen diffusing projectiles! Jim Varney obviously was funny in his role as the antagonist, no doubt ashamed to be cast in such a lousy movie. And the three "ninjas"? Don't even get me started. So cheesy with the Ayais! over & over. Terrible actors, but it all adds to the ambiance of a wonderful film, albeit low budget & misconstrued, unintentional comedy. Would highly recommend, & it goes without saying that a solid buzz while embarking on such a journey will no doubt add to the enjoyment derived from this little gem. Cheers!

Good for children... Not for adults.

[mikeolaskey · 7/10 · 13 March 2006]

The thing that most people have to realize when watching a movie such as this one is its not made to be reviewed by people over, lets say 10. But seeing as how most under the age of ten have the attention span of a wet rock, I'll do it for them.

I recently showed this movie to my kids, all of which are under the age of ten. And they loved it. I on the other hand walked out of the room. My kids were so entralled that two of them have now taken up karate lessons.

that means Its served its purpose... they stayed still for 2 hours and I got to get some work done.

I don't know what else to say!!!

[Kay_Bear_2021 · 1/10 · 6 January 2004]

This movie was the worst I've ever seen. I hope they don't keep it in the video stores, because kids don't need to see all that bad acting. Even Hogan was stupid! The kids do okay with the martial arts, but you can so tell that they hardly ever connected the blows. The least they could have done was make it look real!

One thing made this film great...

[Goat Boy · 4 October 2001]

...and that was the atrocious lesbian subtext between the little girl and Loni Anderson! Some of the lines from the lady in leather were so morally wrong they were superb! That said, the rest of the film was poor, with the three kids not even comprehending the basic rules of the ninja (as in STAYING UNSEEN AND SILENT!). The fight scenes were static and bland. If you want a good ninja film for the kids, rent Surf Ninjas. Also, even thinking about Colt's haircut still makes me cringe a week after I saw the film...

Worst movie ever

[zgall1 · 1/10 · 27 March 2003]

I think worst movie ever is being too kind. If I had the option of watching this again or ramming nails through my head, I would choose the latter and I hope all of you do as well. This has got to be the dumbest idea I have ever heard of. And Hulk Hogan? Wow, he is just absolutely pathetic. Stick to wrestling - that's something you suck at slightly less than acting.

10 reasons 2 WATCH this movie

[pritish-sai · 1/10 · 23 May 2008]

Here are ten reasons 2 watch this movie 1) You have done EVERYTHING in life so u are basically jobless.

2) You are an IMMESNSE fan of Hulk Hogan from his earliest days of wrestling n before u die u have 2 see whatever movie he's been in.

3) You want 2 know what is the meaning of 'gay'.

4) You always wanted see what a movie would look like if it was made by a 2 year old.

5) You have permanent brain damage n can swallow even the most disgusting piece of crap put in front of you.

6) You want 2 be a director and after watching this movie you have hope that if this piece of crap makes it , U have a better chance.

7) You hate yourself ( warning :After watching you'll hate urself more)

8) You love 2 point n curse at the TV

9) If you have the habit of crying at something funny n laughing at something serious.

10) If you're on he brink of suicide watching this movie will speed it up.

One of the worst films of all time...

[MovieAddict2016 · 1/10 · 30 December 2003]

A colossal mess. Badly acted, poorly written, sorely misdirected. The "3 Ninjas" series never needed a sequel, much less the uncountable number it has spawned.

The infamous 3 Ninjas go to a theme park in this sequel and use Hulk Hogan to fight off a bunch of terrorists (?). Miserable, putrid stuff. The acting is in league with "Pod People" (1983).

Do NOT watch this movie! I feel stupiderererer already.

0/5 stars.

• John Ulmer

Was it just me, or did anyone else feel like they were watching a Kraft cheese commercial?

[Smells_Like_Cheese · 1/10 · 9 July 2006]

I swear at the beginning with the parents, I felt like they were just smiling too much and it looked like they were just going to say cliché' things like "Oh, you kids!" or "That's coming out of your allowance" while smiling at the camera on cue.

Now, granted, this is a movie for kids, but I think we are starting to insult our kids just a little bit. I mean, we do actually have a decent cast for a kid's flick, but these adults really sunk beyond the kid's humor. While it has some good morals and another happy ending, just the jokes got old and I think we are just insulting our kid's intelligence and humor.

1/10

PS: Loni, lay off the fake tan!

Passes the time I suppose but not great.

[poolandrews · 4/10 · 29 March 2011]

3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain starts as a young girl named Amanda (Chelsey Earlywine) & her family move into their new home in Hidden Shores, they are welcomed to the neighbourhood by brother's Colt (Michael O' Laskey II), TumTum (James Paul Roeske II) & Rocky (Mathew Botuchis) who are all going to an amusement park named Mega Mountain that afternoon & invite Amanda to join them. While at the theme park the three ninja brother's & Amanda become aware that it has been taken over by a group of thieves, armed with guns & in complete control of Mega Mountain they hold the owner to ransom. The three ninja brother's decide to fight back & with the help of ageing television action hero Dave Dragon (Hulk Hogan) take on the criminals, can they save the day or will the bad guy's win?

Co-written & directed by Sean McNamara this rather violent & childish slapstick action comedy that isn't particularly great & pretty silly at times but I found it passed the time if nothing else. The script is a sort of childish Die Hard (1989) but instead of ruthless criminals there are bumbling bad guy's, instead of the high rise building they take over an amusement park, instead of a tough cop hero there are three bratty child ninjas & their geek female friend & instead of a wisecracking Bruce Willis we get a tired looking Hulk Hogan as a washed-up television star (art imitating life maybe?). Here in the UK this film was quite heavily cut by around four minutes for scenes of nunchukas, head butts, ear claps & a kid wetting himself & having just seen the uncut version I am not sure what to make of it, 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain is definitely aimed at a young audience with it's silly slapstick action & childish humour so the high levels of violence did sit a little uneasily with me. From the head butts to kicks & punches to sword fights & even a scene in which a young boy throw's darts at a man. Just think about how incredibly dangerous that is for a minute, seriously if someone threw a dart at you & it hit you in the face you would be in big trouble & another worrying aspect of 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain is that none of this violence ever has any consequence. The guy who gets a dart thrown at him just catches it in his mouth, punches, kicks & being pushed off rooftops seem to cause no sort of injury to anyone & maybe it would have been better if the makers did emphasise how dangerous these techniques are. As an action comedy it moves along at a decent pace, it's silly & not particularly coherent (where did Amanda get that remote control helicopter from at the end? Why is everyone at the park enjoying themselves it being run by armed criminals?) & it's pretty predictable & safe in that the good guy's win & the bad guy's lose.

The fights are played mostly for laughs with bumbling bad guy's being beaten up by kids, there's an exploding boat at the end & not much else in the way of action. One also has to say that Mega Mountain amusement park has some really lack security, I mean Amaanda manages to take explosives, razor sharp throwing cards, a razor bladed yo-yo & a remote control helicopter inside her backpack. Mega Mountain also seems to have many brilliantly placed CCTV cameras that track exactly what armed criminals want & from perfect angles.

Filmed at Elitch Gardens amusement park in Denver in Colorado, rather sloppily made with poor continuity & lacklustre production values. The acting isn't great, the three ninja kids are terrible while Hulk Hogan seems bored & Loni Anderson is the main highlight as the whip cracking leather clad Medusa but what is someone dressed like that doing in a kids film?

3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain is a silly & childish action comedy that is probably a bit too violent for a film aimed at children & implies that violence has no consequence. I suppose it passes the time & as a silly Die Hard style kids comedy I thought it was watchable.

One of the stupidest movies ever

[head_hoser · 1/10 · 2 December 1998]

This movie has to be one of the 10 stupidest movies ever. It was boring even to a 7-year old watching the movie with me. This movie seemed to go on for ever. It's as bad as watching Barney or Tele-tubbies. I do not recommend this movie to anyone.

Bad

[miko_mmm · 2/10 · 13 November 2005]

Let me just say that a nice introduction is not needed in this piece of leftover meatloaf that needed to be produced by a Fishcer Price karate team.

3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain had a plan in it's motive to be produced. It wanted to show compassion. It wanted to show teamwork, brotherly love and it wanted to show Hulk Hogan's acting abilities. It all failed in that.

Three brothers who happened to be in an amusement park will save the day because the amusement park is taken over by terrorists! There are also subplots of Hulk Hogan's character being a has-been (so is he) and the eldest ninja who'll get the heart of this ten-year-old girl. Lame! Colt is played by this kid who will become the future Canadian band Moffats-parody lead singer. Tum-tum is a little Hilary Swank stuck in a Baby Gap model's body. Rocky is this over-the-top, meant to be "cool" punk who can't kiss at fourteen.

The supporting kids are just as weird. The computer girl had not a cinch of fear since there was a four-minute bomb inches away from her face. The "roller coaster-Come save me!" girl was the miscast of the entire debacle. Can she even stand still? Why is it such a good idea for terrorists to take over an amusement park? Why cast a has-been wrestler who can't even say his name right? Why are Jamaican men such good computer junkies? Why cast a toddler (who yelps like a strangling cat) into saying those damn "Ay-Ya's" over two dozen times?

I liked these ninja movies. The first ones? Great. I was like three when that came to video. But this? This is the limit of underdeveloped. It looked like it was directed by a damn pro-kids pedophile! I would just say that the hype, the story, the climax and the stupendous fight scenes (where the kids close their little eye-dy widey's to kick the bad goons) take the cake as making this pure garbage.

Don't waste your time, I did.

Epic

[jeffuary · 10/10 · 31 March 2006]

Every once in a while a film comes along that makes you glad to be alive. Cinema is a beautiful art form, and no cinema is more gorgeous than 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain. Epic on a grand scale, the cinematic majesty on display would make Kurosawa's corpse reanimate just so it could kill itself in shame at never meeting the grandeur of vision presented herein. I saw this movie and broke down in tears, as I knew my eyes had witnessed the most beautiful sight since Stallone and Carl Weathers flirting with each other on the beach in one of the Rocky films. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll curse yourself for thinking that the greatness of the previous 3 Ninjas movies could ever be topped.

Bravo. Bravo.

It had Jim Varney

[bug76 · 6/10 · 25 March 2011]

The only reason I bought this DVD is because I'm such a fan of Varney's. I wouldn't have known about this movie much less get it if he wasn't in it. While lots of people rag on Hulk Hogan, he wasn't the worst actor. By far, the most wooden performance goes to Loni Anderson. If this is a family oriented movie, why in the world did they have her dress in that skanky leather outfit that was far too short? Terrible casting as far as Loni goes. She was supposed to be the evil Medusa but I didn't buy it. She just didn't have the quality of pulling off the 'bad guy' type of role. She was much better on 'WKRP in Cinncinati'. I got a little tired of Tum Tum's 'Ay-yahs' after a while. They were too high pitched and over done. All 6 stars go to Jim Varney. I was actually rooting for Lothar to become successful in his mission for he was the only one of the bad guys with the brilliance to pull off the heist. He easily outshone all the stars, as usual. He always gives 100% to whatever role he played as you can see here. Jim and Victor were the two best actors in this movie. Maybe if Jim had cast and directed this, it would've been a bigger box office success. The man was a brilliant actor and a genius. If you're a fan of Varney's, then yes, get the movie just to watch him. Otherwise, don't bother.

Worst of the series; what were they thinking?!

[KrankyKryptonian · 1/10 · 11 July 2008]

I don't know if I can add to what others have said about this movie's crappy-ness. They really cut corners on this one: For example, in the first movie, the kids seem to be pretty good at this karate stuff. You have to kind of suspend your disbelief when the youngest attacks anyone, because you can just see him getting picked up by the scruff of the neck and hung up to dry until the fight is over. But it's a kids' film so that's not really a spoiler. And there is a lot of "Home Alone"-type stealth-fighting on the kids' side to help even things out. At the time, I saw the original actors from "3 Ninjas" on the "Tonight Show" and they seemed to really know karate, and were pretty charming for kid actors.

By contrast, in this last abomination, you can see in the fight scenes that there is no contact, and frequently there is cheap, obvious, camera speeding up to make it look like a real fight, not choreography. The littlest one, who is even younger than he was in any of the other movies, (there are all new actors for the kids in this movie, a big mistake, and what's up with the mullet/ponytail on Colt? Even knowing karate he's going to get his ass kicked with that haircut! I'm gay but that look's too faggy for me. I mean, really! Butch it up a little, will ya?) In a good kids' movie there is something for the adults, too. But this movie doesn't really have much for the kids. Bad acting by Hulk Hogan and the kids, bad, bad, bad writing and directing, the earlier mentioned fake fight scenes (maybe these kids could take on an adult who didn't know karate, but for them to beat an adult NINJA, just because they have been trained by a cliché-spouting grandfather, and have an FBI agent father? I don't think so. And amusement park rides aren't designed so they can be stopped upside-down and remotely release the passengers, which is the so-called terrorists plan. It's called safety engineering, meaning, there is no situation where you would WANT to be able to do that, so you don't design your system to BE ABLE TO DO THAT! Of course, then you don't have a movie, if you can't do that. Of course, you would have to GET CLEVERER WRITERS! There's a few good lines from Loni Anderson and Jim Varney, although they both come across as somewhat incompetent. Can't have real, know-your-stuff terrorists around to scare the kiddies, now, can we? Guess not.

As it happened, this movie came to North Carolina Cable TV around the same time I saw my first episode of the Middleman TV series, which happened to be the one about aliens hiding on earth disguised as people addicted to plastic surgery. When I first saw Loni Anderson, with her artificially plumped lips, probable-cheek-implants, probable-face-lift, probable-Botox, probable-etc., I first thought she had the same makeup as the aliens did in the Middleman episode. Then I realized that this was how she really looked. Scary. Probably too scary for a kids' movie. I know it was for me and I'm near 50.

Summary: For a good karate movie, see the first "3 Ninjas" movie, or possibly the next two. Skip this bomb. Also the "Karate Kid" is good, esp. the first one (see a pattern here?) Someone tried to squeeze the last dime out of the "3 Ninjas" franchise; hopefully it is completely dead now. You know how these things can come back to life in Hollywood... (cue scary music...)