Liar Liar (1997)
Anne Haney: Greta
Photos
Quotes
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Greta : He knocked over another ATM. This time at knifepoint. He needs your legal advice.
Fletcher Reede : [picking up phone and shouting] Stop breaking the law, asshole!
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Greta : Mr. Reede, several years ago a friend of mine had a burglar on her roof, a burglar. He fell through the kitchen skylight, landed on a cutting board, on a butcher's knife, cutting his leg. The burglar sued my friend, he sued my friend. And because of guys like you HE WON. My friend had to pay the burglar $6,000. Is that justice?
Fletcher Reede : No!
[Greta looks pleased, but then Fletcher continues]
Fletcher Reede : I'd have got him ten.
[Greta stalks off, appalled]
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Fletcher Reede : [Picks up a blue pen; to himself] Red... red... Alright, now focus.
[aloud]
Fletcher Reede : The color of this pen is ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh...
[laughs]
Fletcher Reede : This pen is reeeeeeeeeeehhh-
[pauses then announces dramatically]
Fletcher Reede : The color of the pen that I HOLD in my hand is rrrrr-rrroyal blue!
[falls into his chair exhausted]
Fletcher Reede : AHH! One lie and I can't say it!
[gets an idea; grabs a piece of paper]
Fletcher Reede : I'll write it!
[starts writing "This pen is - " but his hand shakes away involuntarily. His arm then swings around uncontrollably, knocking everything off his desk and wiggling in the air. Fletcher finally manages to grab his arm with his other hand and pin it to the desk with his knee]
Fletcher Reede : Write it! Write it or I'll break it off!
[Fletcher closes his eyes as his hand finishes writing the sentence. When he reopens his eyes, he discovers - to his horror - that the hand has written "blue!" on his desk]
Fletcher Reede : No! C'mon!
[His hand darts away to write "blue" again]
Fletcher Reede : Stop it!
[His hand automatically turns to point the pen at him and he wrestles it to the ground]
Greta : [enters the office] Boss? What happened?
Fletcher Reede : [rises from behind the desk with 'Blue' written all over his face] The pen is blue. The pen is blue! The goddamn pen is blue!
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Greta : [after bailing Fletcher out of jail] Am I too late? Have you been sexually molested yet? Because I can circle the block.
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Fletcher Reede : [Fletcher is trying to convince Greta to believe her about Max's wish] You don't believe me, do you?
Greta : Of course not.
Fletcher Reede : [laughs dryly] How ironic. Okay, ask me something you think I would normally lie about.
Greta : Alright. Remember, a few months ago, when I wanted a raise...
Fletcher Reede : Forget it. I don't wanna do this!
Greta : -and the company wouldn't give me one...
Fletcher Reede : Greta, PLEASE!
Greta : -so you said you wanted to give me one out of your own pocket, but it would create jealousy among the other secretaries. Now, was that true, or did you just not want to pony up the dough?
[Fletcher is speechless. Scene cuts to Greta packing her belongings]
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Greta : And your ex-wife called, she wants to know when you're coming to pick up your son.
Fletcher Reede : [remembers] Oh, I'm such a shit!
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Fletcher Reede : [on phone] Hi! Judge Stevens, I'm scheduled to be in your courtroom in half an hour? Judge Stevens, I badly, BADLY need a continuance!
[pause]
Fletcher Reede : Ill? Am I ill? That is the perfect question for you to ask!
[to Greta]
Fletcher Reede : Greta, PLEASE LIE to him for me!
Greta : I remember when you bought me this antique silver frame from Tiffany's. TIFFANY'S?
Fletcher Reede : [in a high-pitched voice] Garage sale, six-fifty marked down from ten...
[Greta drops picture frame and it smashes]
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Pete : What's up, Fletcher?
Fletcher Reede : Your cholesterol, Fatty! Dead man walkin'!
Randy : Hey, Fletcher!
Fletcher Reede : Hey! You're not important enough to remember!
Zit Boy : What'll it be, Fletcher?
Fletcher Reede : A pock mark, eventually!
Greta : Mr. Reede?
Fletcher Reede : Don't ask! For God's sake, don't ask!
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Fletcher Reede : Any calls?
Greta : Judge Rawlins' clerk, he needs your filing.
Fletcher Reede : Tell him it's in the mail.
Greta : Right, you'll do it next week. Mr. McKinley phoned to confirm your meeting tomorrow.
Fletcher Reede : Strep throat. No, some kind of virus. What's going around?
Greta : Asian flu?
Fletcher Reede : Good one.
Greta : And your mother called.
Fletcher Reede : I'm on vacation.
Greta : It's your fifth week.
Fletcher Reede : Snowed in. Phones are down.
Greta : Break mother's heart. Done. Oh, that's it. Except Miranda is looking for you.
Fletcher Reede : [groaning] How much ass do I have to kiss to make partner in this damn place?
[unknown to him, she walks in behind him]
Fletcher Reede : Tell her I broke my leg and I had to be shot.
Greta : [seeing her] Why don't you tell her yourself?
